Shadows Searching in the Night
by flaneuse89
Summary: What if Mr. Schue didn't teach at WMHS and wasn't there to revive the Glee club when he did? Could fate still bring Rachel & Finn and the rest of the glee kids together? A story about finding real love, real friends, and your real self in high school. AU.
1. Prologue

Prologue.

_... _

**"Restless hearts-"**

She fingers the frayed linen handkerchief in her hand tenderly. She found it in the basement once, while searching for a clue to her mom's identity.

It's her one connection to the mother she never knew. She was probably some teenage trollop who abandoned her for money.

The moonlight streams into her room, and she gets off her bed and walks over to the window to look at it.

She identifies with the moon. It sits in it's bed of stars, isolated, alone in a crowd. But it shines brighter than all of them.

Hearing some commotion below, she lowers her gaze to watch the dark silhouettes of some of her drunken peers stumble into a car parked across the street.

One of the downsides of living near the coolest girl in school is that she's constantly accosted with the harsh reminder of her unpopularity. The fact that she doesn't have a single friend.

And why would anyone ever want to be her friend anyways? For reasons she might never understand, she's unlovable.

Even her own mother didn't love her, and sold her without a second thought like a cheap commodity.

Feeling a tear trickle down her cheek she uses the pale piece of cloth to wipe it off.

She wonders if things will ever get better. If there will ever be a light to the end of this dark _dark_ tunnel known as high school.

Sometimes it seems as if the only thing she really has is her dreams.

But lately, living in her head, living in the future, living in fantasy, isn't helping fill the void as well as it used to.

She wishes that for once in her life, she could know something, _feel something_, real.

Maybe she just needs to find whatever it is that's missing.

...

**"-sleep alone tonight."**

He stares at the yellowing baby blanket in his hand.

It's his one connection to the father he'll never know. The hero whose blood courses through his veins.

He looks at his watch. The glowing digital numbers tell him it's just after 1 am.

He's still buzzed from playing too much beer pong at another pointless house party at his girlfriend's house. Sitting on his bed, he wonders if this is all there is to life. If this is all there's ever going to be.

He looks at the moon glowing brightly outside his bedroom window. When he was younger, his dream was to be an astronaut. Mostly because he's always been a little bit in love with the moon...

He likes that it's really pretty in an odd unreal type of way, and the way that its white moonbeams make everything in the night a little brighter, but most of all he likes that it's so strange and wonderful and so different from everything else that it almost seems magical.

He's too old for dreams now though. There's no room for them in a place like Lima.

The adults he knows around town always tell him that his high school years will be the best of his life- to enjoy it while he can.

He wonders if these are really the golden years. If this is all he's ever going to amount to.

Sometimes it seems as if the only thing he has that sets him apart from all the other losers in this place is the memory that his father fought and died for something he believed in.

But lately, even that's just making him feel more worthless.

He wishes he could be that brave, lead that type of life.

Maybe he just needs to find something worth fighting for.

...


	2. mislabeled

Chapter 1. [Late September]

_A/N:_

_Hello! So. This is exciting. Endeavor #2 :) Here's a couple things you should know:_

_Firstly, some background- This is an AU fic that operates in some parallel dimension where Mr. Schuester never became a teacher at McKinley but went off to Broadway to chase after his dreams with April Rhodes instead. _

_Secondly, this is going to be a veryyy long, multi-chapter Finn & Rachel saga (if my ambitious plans follow through) so get ready! And just to forewarn you all, this story is going to be much more light-hearted and fluffy than my previous one- although there will still be angst (especially in the first half) because what can I say? That's just how I roll :)_

_And finally, I'm experimenting with writing in the present tense for this (I like the immediacy and immersive element of it) so I apologize for any awkwardness ahead of time._

_DISCLAIMER: This applies to all chapters in this fanfic- I do not own Glee or anything Glee-related!_

_..._

"**strangers waiting.."**

...

[Monday, early afternoon]

The wave of neon blue iced corn syrup hits her unexpectedly and it feels like a freezing, sticky, mortifying slap in the face. She closes her eyes and fights back tears as she runs to the bathroom (she's memorized the route so she can get there even when she's blinded).

Her eyes burn as the artificial coloring seeps into them. She wonders when she'll become immune to the humiliation and discomfort this positively medieval high school ritual causes. Probably never.

School's only been in session for two weeks, and it's already just as torturous as it was last year. She hoped maybe Sophomore year would be different- that her peers would have gotten over the prejudices they set against her freshman year (led for no apparent reason by her vicious neighbor Quinn Fabray) and forgotten her label as resident McKinley High freak.

She honestly doesn't understand why she's such an un-accepted loser in the first place. Not only is she supremely intelligent and extremely exciting, but she's also undeniably the single most talented student at William McKinley High. So why does everyone hate her so much?

Sometimes she tells herself that at least there are people who know who she is here. Elementary School and Middle School were awful because no one paid any attention to her and automatically wrote her off as that strange musical theatre girl.

But Rachel Berry was not born to be ignored.

So after months of campaigning to her dads at the end of the 8th grade, she finally convinced them to move houses so she could switch school districts. Start on a clean slate so to speak.

When the Fabrays had come over to welcome them into the neighborhood, they had been shocked by their new neighbors' familial situation, and made no attempt to hide their disgust and disapproval of homosexuality. And they had brought their just as bigoted daughter with them, unknowingly sealing Rachel's fate as the most ostracized and misunderstood student at McKinley.

_Pull yourself together_, she tells herself as she quickly wipes the last remnants of slushie from her face with a moist toilette (she keeps them in her slushie recovery kit along with spare clothes in her backpack). She looks around at the chipped paint on the bathroom stall's walls and realizes she spends way too much in here. After pulling her hair back into a ponytail and changing her outfit, she walks out of the stall and sees in the mirror that she looks good as new. She gives her reflection one of her trademark 100 watt smiles, and finds the confidence to go back out and face that sea of chromosomally challenged mouth breathers known as high school students.

...

Finn's stomach rumbles as he walks down the hall towards the lunchroom with his girlfriend Quinn Fabray. He hopes that chicken's on the menu for the day.

He sees his best friend Noah Puckerman nod to him near the entrance and jog up to join them (not before throwing an empty big slurp cup in the trashcan).

As they walk into the crowded dining hall, people stare at them in either envy or fear. They're pretty much the coolest kids at the school, well, excepting some of the seniors. He and Quinn are the It couple, while Puck's the trusty sidekick who's basically in charge of keeping the system in order (and making sure the three of them stay at the top of the pyramid).

Puck's been his best friend ever since they bonded over their hot wheels collections in pre-school. And Quinn? Well they met freshman year when she decided that she wanted to date him after he was made quarterback of the Varsity football team at the end of the season. And you only need to know Quinn for about 3.5 seconds to know that she _always _gets what she wants.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Puck suddenly exclaims, after grabbing a tray.

Finn's eyes follow Puck's angry gaze. His friend is staring at a small girl with long dark brown hair, sitting by herself at a lunch table a few yards away.

"I just slushied her, like 3 minutes ago," Puck continues, outraged, "How come she's all damn prim and proper looking again?"

Finn shrugs his shoulders, how should he know?

It's not like he's even into the whole bullying thing anyways. He just goes along with it to prevent _himself_ from getting bullied. Plus, he isn't about to question the whole high school hierarchy thing either. He's long ago accepted that this is just the way it is, and there's nothing he can do about it. He's just happy he's on the other side of those sugary liquid bombs.

He twists his neck a little to get a better look at the girl. He recognizes her as the supposedly obsessive broadway fanatic. For some reason, what should be a quick glance turns into a full on check out. He can't help but notice that she's actually kinda hot in a sneaky sort of way. He also thinks she looks pretty pathetic concentrating so seriously on her sheets of paper all by herself. He continues to watch as she lifts the pencil in her hand and bites it absentmindedly.

But a couple seconds later his friends are shoving him to move down the line and he becomes distracted by the disappointment of seeing that the lunch ladies are serving fish sticks for the special again.

"I hate fish," he grumbles to Puck, "When will there be chicken?"

...

Rachel scribbles furiously on the new musical arrangement she's working on for Glee Club. Now that she's finally gotten that creep Sandy Ryerson fired, she's sure Principal Figgins will soon be notifying her with the directorial replacement so the Glee Club can return bigger and better than ever. Biting her pencil, she looks over the changes she's made. Perfect.

Reluctantly, she turns to the unappetizing mass of grey noodles and what's supposed to be mushrooms (but looks more like tree bark) on the dirty white ceramic plate in front of her. She hates it when her Dads forget to pack her lunch. But before she can mentally assure herself that she's not going to contract e-coli or salmonella by eating a couple of bites, her name is called over the loudspeaker.

"Rachel Berry please report to Principal Figgins' office. Rachel Berry."

She gets up enthusiastically and plasters an unnaturally wide smile on her face so the entire student body will see that _she_ is Rachel Berry. Unknowingly, Principal Figgins has given her a wonderful opportunity to make herself known throughout the halls of William McKinley High. Unfortunately, the publicity opportunity is lost as it doesn't seem like anyone is really paying attention.

Two minutes later she's sitting expectantly across from Principal Figgins' desk, waiting to hear the great news.

He gives her a weird look before launching into his heavily Indian accented spiel.

"I am very sorry Rachel, but we simply cannot fund the Glee club this year. We're in a bad economy and there have been budgets cuts left and right. So I'm going to have to disband it."

Rachel refuses to believe what she's just heard.

"I'm sorry Principal Figgins, I must have misheard you, I could have sworn you just said you were going to disband the Glee club. And that notion is frankly just ridiculous and unfathomable. Because if that _were_ the case," her voice takes a threatening edge, "It'd be my duty to inform you that my two dads happen to be prominent members of the American Civil Liberties Union, and I'm _sure_ you would not want a lawsuit on your hands for discriminating against the artistically inclined."

Principal Figgins looks at the petite brunette in front of him, and thinks this might be more difficult than he anticipated.

"It's simply out of my hands Rachel, we just don't have the money."

He begins to worry when her face contorts into a frightening grimace that makes it seem as if steam is going to rise from her ears at any second.

"Well I suggest you find the money Principal Figgins, because unless you do, you're going to be needing a lot more when you, and this entire school, is sued. One of my fathers also happens to be a lawyer and he will suck this school dry for every drop of funding it has, and I will then use that money, to begin my own school at Lima, devoted to the under-funded performing arts programs, and it will be so great that we will win every Glee competition from here to eternity!"

The principal looks at the maniacal gaze in her eye and realizes that Rachel Berry is not bluffing.

"Okay Rachel let's make a compromise. Not only is the Glee club budget consuming, but I also cannot find anyone who's willing to be director. However, the school board has decided they want to bring back talent shows at McKinley High. So what if I decided put you in charge of the talent show this year in exchange for letting go of Glee."

Rachel's eyes gleam as the thought of that high position of power fills her. However, she soon comes to the conclusion that this 'compromise' is not enough.

"Well, that seems like a reasonable idea. Only, I feel as if I'm getting the shorter end of the bargain here. Who will be directing the school musical this year?"

Figgins can see the wheels turning in her head as she continues.

"If I were given full creative and organizational control of the yearly spring musical too, I might reconsider the lawsuit."

He sighs.

"Fine, but you have to use the costumes that are already in the costume closet, and get the fine art classes to make the sets. Any other expenses will have to be personally provided for."

"Deal!" Rachel exclaims, throwing out her hand to shake on it.

Principal Figgins takes it awkwardly, and is taken aback by how firm it is.

She gets up out of her chair triumphantly, already planning every minor detail of her two new projects.

She thinks this just might be a great year after all.

...

Quinn bursts out laughing at the announcement in the lunch room.

"So do you think manhands got sent to the principal's office for looking like she just walked off a float off the tranny parade?"

Finn laughs uncomfortably with the rest of their table of jocks and cheerleaders. What's a tranny parade?

"Oh my God," Santana Lopez, Quinn's second in command, responds, "Do you want to come over after school and destroy her spirit even more by making fun of her ridiculous myspace videos again?"

Quinn rewards her best friend with a malicious smile.

"I'd love to, but Finn and I have a date," she says, sending her boyfriend an alluring look.

Finn smiles excitedly, they've been dating for awhile now, but they still haven't done the deed. He's hoping tonight she'll finally let him get to second base (her parents are out of town again).

Okay, so she's the president of the celibacy club, & his chances aren't great. But he's a glass half full kinda guy, and there's always room for compromise right?

His thoughts are interrupted by the bell signaling fifth period. He gives Quinn a quick hug and kiss on the cheek before heading to Spanish with Puck.

"Dude," his friend begins, "I fucking love this class. Mrs. Gonzalez is hot as hell, _and_ I'm cleaning her pool on Saturday. I'm pretty sure that means I'll definitely be acing espagnol, especially chapter 6 on the female anatomy if you know what I mean..."

"Yeah, that's pretty sweet." Finn replies.

One of the reasons why their friendship works so well is because Finn doesn't like to talk all that much and Puck talks all the time (pretty much because he just loves the sound of his own voice).

"And I am so over Santana," Puck goes on, "Do you know she broke up with me because of my freaking credit score? I got my first credit card, like, yesterday. But whatever, I realized Puck-_zilla _is better fitted for no strings attached sex with cougars anyways. And speaking of sex, how are things going with you and the Queen Bee? Is she still refusing to put out?"

Finn nods glumly. He thinks about sex a lot, like a lot a lot. And having to wait for his holier than thou girlfriend to show a chink in her religious armor, is only adding to the already long list of pressures in his life.

"I'm beginning to think she might never let me get further than the stage we're at now.."

"Making out and grinding?" Puck questions, making sure nothing else has happened since the last time they exhausted the topic.

"Yeah.. I mean, I should have realized it when she asked me to join the celibacy club..."

"Relax," Puck laughs, "Remember, Brittany and Santana are in that club too, and I'm pretty sure that between the two of them they've slept with about half the school."

Finn regains a glimmer of hope as he remembers this.

"Just get her drunk on wine coolers," Puck continues, "and then ask her if she's lost weight. She'll be putty in your hands dude."

He isn't sure if he'd be comfortable with that, but he laughs anyways before heading into class.

...

Rachel spends her free period after lunch posting her freshly made flyers on all the walls and lockers of the school.

**Do YOU want to be a STAR? **

**Get noticed by joining the talent show or the spring musical! **

**Auditions are being held this friday in the auditorium at 3 pm, **

**so get ready to SHINE!**

She's sprinkled the posters with her trademark gold stars and is sure they're going to be a huge hit.

Obviously she didn't include the fact that she, Rachel Berry, will be the only _real_ star of both productions (not to mention the brains behind each operation as well). But she can't do either piece without a supporting cast, and (most importantly) a leading man.

...

Finn drifts out of class with the rest of the herd scrambling to get to 6th period. He's surprised to see that the hallway has literally been transformed by a mass of hot pink flyers that have been sprinkled on every square inch of spare space.

When he arrives at his locker, he sees Quinn waiting for him with one in her hand.

"This school is finally reviving the high school talent show tradition and giving us an opportunity to cement our status as the most well-rounded and enviable students in this lame town. Brittany and Santana and I are going to practice our audition after school, so we're going to have to cancel our plans for tonight."

He holds in a sigh, and just nods disappointedly before letting his overbearing girlfriend continue.

"And I was also thinking that you should play the drums. Maybe you and Puck can start a band or something, because honestly, I don't want people to think that I'm dating a dumb _and_ talentless jock."

Finn lets this uncalled for insult slide, and focuses on the positives of Quinn's lecture instead. He almost feels his bad mood disappear a little at the thought of music. He's always thought showing an interest in anything other than sports or girls wouldn't be 'cool', but now Quinn's _ordering_ him to get involved with music? Something's he's loved since he was a kid?

He's pretty stoked.

"Yeah I've actually always thought being in a band would be pretty cool," he responds enthusiastically, "And I've also been told I have a decent voice, so maybe I could even get a part in the musical too."

He realizes that he hasn't said the right thing when Quinn's face expression visibly ices over.

"Who said anything about _the musical_?"

He hates how she says the word the way an anorexic would say cupcake.

"We were talking about _the talent show_, not the breeding grounds for closeted homosexuals."

And with that she whisks around and walks away, clearly wanting to punish him. Finn closes his eyes and leans back against his locker.

He thinks this is going to be a long year.

...

_A/N pt. II:_

_So who caught the reference to Cory Monteith's most hilarious interview moment ever? I hope a lot of you, because that part was probably awkward if you didn't. lolz._


	3. discovery

Chapter 2. [Early October]

...

[Friday, afternoon]

Rachel's starting to get extremely worried. When she initially saw the full auditorium packed with students waiting to try-out for _her_ productions, she was ecstatic. But now two hours have passed and she's gone through three quarters of the kids, and only two people have auditioned for the musical. And one of them was confined to a _wheelchair_. Everyone else is just here to show off for the talent show.

However, her plan to shroud herself within a cocoon of mystery (with a vintage 1930's veiled hat and fashionable black pantsuit that adequately hid her identity) is working and no one's recognized that she, the musical theatre freak, is the one orchestrating this entire thing.

"Next!" she calls out loudly from her seat in the front row, waving away the boy fiddling with a hacky sack.

Her peppy enthusiasm is soon cut short when she sees the two tall football players setting up their band equipment. She can't help follow her order with a shocked sputter. She thought she saw it all when Quinn Fabray and her nauseating cronies performed that vomit-inducing 'Say A Little Prayer' number. But this has to take the cake. If that Noah Puckerman thinks there's a chance she's going to give him any form of spotlight after the ritual slushie facials he showers on her, he has another think coming.

But then her eyes fall on William McKinley's very own golden boy Finn Hudson. He's only a sophomore and already the star quarterback of the football team (granted, that isn't a very tough position to fill when one sees the football team, but still) and the best looking guy at their school by a mile. She had no idea that he was musically inclined.

She watches as he settles behind his drum set and smiles excitedly. Wow, his dimples are super _super _cute.

Maybe it would be alright to give them a chance. I mean, she _is_ being practical and giving Quinn, Brittany, and Santana a spot in the talent show so they can provide good press for the arts program in general (and also she isn't about to bother three sleeping giants who are already cruel enough to her as it is). So she might as well cater to all of the popular kids if it will help make the performing arts cool again.

The duo starts playing. She's pretty unimpressed. The two are obviously too cowardly to contribute any vocals, and they don't really have a cohesive rhythm to the music. She's actually pretty sure that Puck is playing something on his guitar that has absolutely no correlation to the beat Finn's drumming to.

But Rachel has to admit, there's something undeniably sexy about a guy rocking out with two drum sticks and a head bop. That just might be enough to get them a slot on the show...

She let's herself watch Finn in his element for a little bit and can't help but notice that he seems much more comfortable producing music than he does on the football field. He looks so sweet.. why is he friends with that Noah Puckerman anyways?

She glances at her watch and realizes she needs to be home for dinner in an hour and there's still a huge line of kids backstage. Leaning over her desk she yells for the two boys to stop.

"Alright that's enough, thanks for your audition. Next!"

Puck and Finn stop abruptly, looking confused.

"Well how did we do?" Puck asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

Rachel's attentions can't help but focus behind the mohawk'd delinquent, on his best friend's crooked albeit puzzled grin.

He's ridiculously adorable.

She straightens her shoulders and shakes it off. Rachel Berry does not get distracted by big hunky football players.

"You two lack any semblance of unity whatsoever," she says, gathering her momentarily diverted thoughts, "However individually, you're both talented. With some practice, corresponding music choices, and a vocalist, you guys could be the best band at this school. However, after overviewing the general selection of bands here, that's not too high of a compliment."

Puck doesn't know whether to feel proud or offended. Finn looks equally unsure.

"Who are you anyway?" Puck responds aggressively (a good offense is the best defense), "I'm pretty sure I can recognize the body of every teacher at this school, and yours is smaller and tighter than any one I've ever seen.." he finally says, blatantly giving her the once-over.

Rachel feels her cheeks flush. Her eyes dart towards Finn. He seems embarrassed by his friend's sudden outburst. Is having a 'small' and 'tight' body a good thing? She finally replies.

"That's because I'm not a teacher, just a student who has been given complete authoritative control over the entertainment facet of William McKinley high school for the rest of the year. I guess you could call me the interim Arts Director. Now," she claps her hands together, "there's a very anxious looking girl with an accordian behind you waiting to audition so I'm going to have to ask you to exit the stage now."

"It's cool," Puck responds, "We have football practice anyways."

He winks at her before helping Finn move their equipment.

Rachel squirms awkwardly in her seat, she isn't used to having cute guys give her attention. She really hopes that when her identity is revealed the students won't barge out immediately.

...

Finn lets the cool air wash over his sweat soaked chest after football practice. That feels nice.

Unlike this day. Which hasn't felt so nice.

It all started this morning when he slept through his alarm clock again, so he'd been late to 1st period and gotten a detention cuz it was his third tardy (and they'd only been in school for like, three weeks). Then when he'd seen Puck at break he realized he'd forgotten to pack his drum set for the talent show audition, so he ended up having to ditch 6th period so he could go back and get it. Quinn had yelled at him and Puck after the audition for 'sucking' and told them that they hadn't even made a real band, and then to top it all off at football practice Coach Tanaka told the team that their first game was against that school for the deaf. And they will be officially be embarrassments for the rest of their high school careers if they lose to them _again_.

Puck comes up to lean against his locker and make conversation while Finn finishes changing.

"So who do you think that chick was anyways?" he starts, assuming Finn will know he's talking about their audition earlier, "Her freaky hat was covering most of her face, and she was dressed like a teacher, but she definitely wasn't one.. Dude, she was scorchin'."

He pauses for a minute, letting the memory soak a little bit.

"She's probably a senior," Puck goes on, "and senior girls love me, but I don't get it because I thought I'd already gotten with all of the hot senior girls at this school, but apparently not. Unless maybe that was Rebecca Flynn?" he thinks about it for a second, "No.. her ass looked way better than Rebecca's and she seemed a little shorter too.."

Finn blocks him out. Had Puck really not recognized the cute, super quick slushie recovery girl? Puck torments her so often, you'd think he'd take the time to actually look at her. Finn had no trouble recognizing her from the minute they'd stepped out onto the stage. Yeah he'd thought it was weird that a student was in charge of try outs, but then, theatre was her thing right?

"Hello? Earth to Finn? Any guesses?"

"Oh yeah," Finn says, his thoughts interrupted, "You know, maybe if you took a closer look at the girls you throw slushies at, your market for bangable girls at this school would expand.."

Puck raises an eyebrow, not understanding what he's getting at.

"Dude, I didn't even know you knew what expand meant."

Finn slams his locker door shut, giving Puck a cold look. Truthfully, he'd Dictionarydotcom'd last night it when his mom told him he needed to start 'expanding his horizons beyond video games and football', but Puck doesn't need to know that.

"You know, I'm really tired of everyone telling me how dumb they think I am. Just because I don't talk all that much or understand a lot of big words doesn't mean I'm stupid okay?"

"Chill out man,_ I _don't even know what expand means."

"You know what," Finn continues, irritated, "I'm just going to take a shower here, I'm not really in the mood to hit Breadsticks with you and the guys anymore."

Puck looks offended.

"Whatever dude, your call. I never knew you could get so butt hurt."

Finn's about to get to the point where he starts kicking chairs. He's just not in the mood for this right now.

"Seriously, back off."

Puck puts his hands in the air and retreats. He knows that his guns are bigger, but Finn is four inches taller and about twenty pounds heavier, so if it comes to a smack down, both of them are bound to get pretty beat up (they've also managed to maintain 12 years of friendship so far without getting into a physical fight).

"Fine, just text me when you're over it."

Finn sighs tiredly, feeling guilty because he knows he overreacted. He hopes that some shower singing and mock drumming will help relax him after the day he's had.

...

Rachel walks dejectedly towards her custom colored pink mini cooper (her dads let her drive back and forth from school every once in awhile even though she only has her permit). Only four rejects have auditioned for the musical. A boy whose voice is obviously never going to hit puberty, a diva who's definitely going to be a source of trouble, the previously mentioned wheel-chair bound student, and a stutterer. Granted, they all have pretty fantastic voices, but they're not going to be enough. How is she going to be able to produce a proper _West Side Story_ without the Tony to her Maria?

The warning bells began to ring in Rachel's head as she sees a group of football players quickly approach. Avert crisis. Avert crisis. Avert..

"Hey loser, nice sweater."

Rachel looks down at the cream colored furry crew neck with the bejeweled pink unicorn center she's just changed into. It's one of her favorites. But the crack at her outfit actually doesn't bother her, probably because this is about the 100th time her wardrobe has been made fun of _this week_.

"Your lack of originality diminishes the effectiveness of that insult. " Rachel bites back, she's tired of this treatment. She's a woman in a position of immense power, and no one is going to bring her down anymore. Besides, school is out, are they really going to insist on torturing her when she's sure they have better things to do?

"Wait a second.." Puck looks like he's thinking, an expression that doesn't normally grace his countenance, "I know that voice.. hey I know that body too.. you're the girl setting up the talent show!"

Oh dear. This isn't good.

"Wow Finn was right, I _should_ take a better look at the girls I pick on."

Rachel's ears perk up at the name drop. Unfortunately, Puck takes this as a sign that he can go in for the kill.

"So.." he starts, a smug smile growing on his face, "You wanna make-out in my car?"

She blushes furiously, do high school boys have _that_ terrible of short term memory?

"Over my voiceless body Noah Puckerman."

Puck frowns menacingly as he realizes _this loser_ is turning him down.

"We might be able to arrange that."

Uh oh Rachel, big mistake.

30 seconds later she's grimacing in the dumpster, a banana peel stuck in her hair and stale coke dripping on her knee.

She lies there for a little while until she's sure the bullies have left the premises. She's _not_ going to risk getting blindsided by a second sneak attack. Once the parking lot has quieted and she's sure no one's around, she finally sits up and tries to salvage what's left of her appearance. But she's cut off when a warm and earnest voice catches her attention.

"_I've gotta take a little time_

_A little time to think things over_

_Gotta read between the lines_

_In case I need it when I'm older_

_Now this mountain I must climb_

_Feels like a world upon my shoulders_

_Through the clouds I see love shine_

_It keeps me warm as life grows colder"_

Rachel can hear the raw and unrefined talent in this mysterious guy's voice. She's obviously heard better in her years of visiting Broadway and auditioning for community theatre, but there's something about the sweet tone and endearing raspy quality of the voice that inexplicably compels her.

She peeks over the dumpster and is shocked to see that the boy singing is none other than quarterback of the football team, most popular sophomore guy in school, Finn Hudson, securing his drum set and equipment into the bed of his truck.

"_In my life there's been heartache and pain_

_I don't know if I can face it again_

_Can't stop now I've traveled so far_

_To change this lonely life_

_I wanna know what love is_

_I want you to show me_

_I wanna feel what love is_

_I know you can show meeeeee."_

Rachel feels as if he's singing directly to her, as if the lyrics pierce her very soul. He just injects so much emotion into his singing, it's incredibly attractive.

It's ironic listening to him sing these lyrics, because she thinks Finn Hudson might have just shown _her_ what love is.

She jumps out of dumpster and leaps over to him. She's found the hot male lead to accompany this stunning young ingenue.

...


	4. first impressions

Chapter 3. [Early October]

...

**"livin' in a lonely world.."**

...

Finn almost wets his freaking pants as the little dark haired creature bounds out of the dumpster. Oh shit. The broadway chick has totally heard him singing, and now she's giving him the craziest smile he's ever seen in his entire life. He's scared.

"Hi I don't know if you know me but I'm Rachel Berry?"

She looks at him questioningly and he shakes his pretending he doesn't know.

"Oh, well, we're in English and Astronomy together," she continues, "But that's besides the point. I have a proposition for you."

He quirks an eyebrow in question as he folds his arms and leans against the door of his truck. What could this little girl possibly want from him? Is she going to offer him and Puck a spot in the talent show for their band? That'd be rad.

"I happen to be the coordinator of William McKinley High's 2009 talent show _and _director, producer, and _star_ of this school year's spring musical," she starts, taking a massive breath to build up momentum, "Obviously through some bizarre blessing in disguise I was thrown into that dumpster by that idiot friend of yours with the landing strip on his scalp, only to discover one of the most vocally talented teenage males living in Lima at the exact point when I was ruminating over how I was going to find a lead for the monumental musical I'm preparing. I'll save you the trouble of auditioning because I've already assessed your vocal range as being perfect for the part of the hunky and heroic Tony in West Side Story. I'll of course be playing Maria, and even though a date hasn't yet been set for the musical and I have to get the talent show out of the way first, we should probably start rehearsals right away, as in right now. So if you'll just come with me.."

At this point she grabs his arm and starts steering him in the direction of the only other car in the deserted parking lot. Some pink little midget of a car. Go figure.

He feels dizzy as his head is still reeling over the fact that she gave her whole speech in what seemed like one breath, and that her smile did not get any smaller the entire time she talked.

Once he's put his thoughts in order he stops her in her tracks (which isn't that hard considering he's over a foot taller than her and probably weighs twice as much as she does).

"Ermm.. I'm sorry but I think you've got the wrong guy. I'm not a singer."

Rachel looks at him as if he just told her that he isn't a dude.

"I recognize that your voice doesn't have a lot of training, but I actually find that a gruffer voice is a sign of masculinity and therefor will be more than appropriate-"

He tunes her out so he can focus on releasing the death grip she has on his forearm, and then begins speed walking in the opposite direction back towards his truck.

"Wait! Wait! Where are you going! I thought we were going to practice!"

He can hear her running towards him so he starts jogging. There is no way in hell he's going to sign his own death warrant by joining the musical. Sure, the talent show has been popular kid approved, but the musical has definitely not been. And he isn't about to cross that line.

Finn's just gotten into his car and slammed the door (he's getting ready to get the eff out of there) when Rachel scares him for the second time that day by stepping in front of his truck right as he turns the engine on. This is not happening.

He rolls down his window.

"Please move. I really don't want to run you over. And trust me, I kind of have a bad track record as far as the whole hitting pedestrians thing goes, so it'd probably smart to get out of the way."

A flicker of fear passes Rachel's face before she smothers it with a look of absolute determination.

"I'm not moving until you tell me why you're running away from this opportunity to be a _star_."

He almost laughs at the way she says star the way a nun would say God. And then he's scrambling to come up with an excuse.

"Uhh.. I'm just really busy with.. football and stuff. I just don't have the time.."

"Well considering I'll be organizing all of the schedules, I could easily arrange for all practices not to coincide with anything football related."

He's stumped. She's good. He'll have to resort to honesty..

"Can you please just let me go home? I'm sorry I just don't want to do it."

"Why not? I wasn't exaggerating when I said you were really talented."

Even as he's trying to figure out how to leave the lot without running this crazy girl over, he feels himself lighten a little bit at the compliment. Does she really think he has talent? He's never thought he was really good at anything before.

"I would know I'm really talented too," she finishes.

Finn blinks. Man, not only is she crazy but she's stuck up too.

"Please move," he pleads again.

She stares at him stubbornly, arms crossed, "Not until you give me a good reason for not wanting to join the musical."

"I just don't want to be lame like you!" he finally blows up, lifting his hands in the air exasperatedly.

He feels guilty immediately afterwards.

Ahh man, now her eyes are watering up..

"Hey, that didn't come out right, I just.."

She doesn't let him finish his sentence as she runs away back to her car.

He knows he should probably follow her and say sorry, but he just doesn't want her pressuring him to join the stupid musical, so he doesn't. He's a coward and so he just drives home.

...

Rachel sobs as she watches Finn drive out of the lot. How could he be so callous? She really thought that she was going to get the opportunity to be apart of something special when she heard him sing. He has all the looks and talent and leading man potential to elevate 'West Side Story' to the spectacular production she so desperately wants it to be.

And even though she hates to admit it to herself, seeing and hearing him sing that song struck a chord in her heart. She thought she was seeing a glimpse into something more, something deeper behind that cliche football star exterior. But she was a fool to let herself think that Finn Hudson would be the boy of her dreams to sweep her off her feet and save her from her lonely existence.

All he did was call her and her ambitions lame, and then driven off faster than you could say 'scared little boy'.

She had fallen in and out of love all in 5 minutes, and it felt awful.

Well, Finn Hudson can go straight to H-E- double hockey sticks for all she cares. She doesn't need him, her talent will be enough to carry the musical by itself, even if she has to play Maria AND Tony all by herself.

...

Finn turns up the music in his car to drown out the guilt.

When did he become such a jerk? He didn't mean to make her cry, but he just can't keep his stupid mouth shut. And it's not like he hasn't done worse stuff in his life. He's pretty sure Rachel's been a target of one of the football players' egg throwing raids (hey, at least she was spared the pee balloons), but still, something about seeing her cry like that up close just makes him feel really really bad about himself.

There's something about her that makes her different from everyone else who goes to McKinley. Yeah she's kinda crazy and obsessive, but she has like, this _passion_, which he isn't used to seeing in a place like Lima.

Finn looks up and realizes he's missed his exit. Living twenty minutes away from school can be a drag. His mom and him aren't that well off so they live in a neighborhood on the outskirts of town, close to that big open area where it just becomes cornfields and farms for miles and miles.

He groans in frustration as he looks at the sea of dried corn stalks stretching out on both sides of the midwestern highway. How long ago did he pass his exit? Maybe everyone else is right about him, he's just a big stupid moron.

"Get used to it," he mutters to himself, looking around at his depressingly Ohioan surroundings, "Cuz you're never gonna make it out of here."

He jumps a little when his phone vibrates. Looking down from the steering wheel briefly, he quickly adjusts himself to remove his cell from his jean pocket, and sees Quinn's name flashing on the screen. Making sure there are no cops around, he answers it.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Hey," she says (he sometimes thinks it's weird how her voice can sound nasally and seductive at the same time), "Where are you? You were supposed to pick me up from my house 15 minutes ago."

Crap, he totally forgot.

"Umm.. I'm on the interstate.. football practice ran late and then that girl who you always call weird names like 'she-male' kind of popped out of nowhere and begged me to do the musical. So yeah. I can be there in ten minutes though."

"Ew do you mean my grotesque neighbor 'treasure trail'? Why would she care if you did the musical?"

He didn't known Quinn was neighbors with Rachel. The sign for the next exit appears and he's momentarily distracted from his conversation as he takes it and heads towards Quinn's (and apparently 'treasure trail's) fancier neighborhood.

"Hello? Finn? Answer my question!"

He jumps a little before replying, "Oh, um, maybe cuz Figgins gave her permission to run both the musical and the talent show?"

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," she spits venomously.

Uh oh, that's the voice that's usually followed with the releasing of her inner bitch. This is when Finn usually retreats.

"I swear," she continues, "If that _thing_ doesn't give me a spot in the talent show because of a couple of questionable myspace video comments-"

"Calm down Q, I'm sure she'll be fair. And if being in the show means that much to you and she's your neighbor, why don't you just go over to her house and apologize for the harsh things you've said to her in the past.. I'll even come with you."

"I'm sorry," Quinn sputters sarcastically, "Are you forgetting who I am? Who_ we _are? We do not 'apologize' for our behavior. We get what we want by status and fear alone. If she doesn't put us in, we'll just make her life even more of a living hell than it already is."

Finn sighs. Why does everyone in his life- his girlfriend, his best friend, even his own stupid self- have to be so mean? He wonders vaguely what his dad would say if he could see him now.

...

Rachel scans her spreadsheet. It's the final list of the kids she's decided to put in the talent show.

She's narrowed the huge amount of kids down based on talent, charisma, and stage presence. She has a spotless sense of integrity (she glides over the fact that she probably would have put Puck and Finn's 'band' in the line-up if they both hadn't humiliated her immediately after).

For now, she's decided to focus all her energy on the talent show. The musical isn't until spring anyways, and since it's only October, she's planning on hosting the talent show around Thanksgiving break. She figures maybe people will be more willing to join the musical after she shows them how cool singing, dancing, and acting can be during her _three acts_ in the talent show.

A knock on her door distracts her from her task.

"Yes?" she calls, even though she knows that the only two people who would ever visit her in her room are her dads.

"Hi sweetie," Hiram, the bespectacled dad she calls Daddy says, opening the door slowly.

"We just wanted to see how everything for your new projects are coming along," Leroy, the taller, darker dad she calls Papa adds, "You were awfully quiet during dinner tonight."

"I just have a lot on my mind."

She doesn't like talking about school with them. Well, classes and grades are safe subjects (she's never received anything lower than an A in her life), but anything else having to do with those harrowing 7 hours of confinement is off limits.

Her dads see her as their perfect, little princess, and talking too much about her regular slushie facials might tamper that image.

"Do you want to talk about it? Are you still having trouble making friends?" Hiram asks.

She rolls her eyes.

"I've been attending public school for 11 years now, and I've never made a single friend. It's a blessing in disguise though," she continues (she_ despises _pity), "This way, I have more time to focus on my future and the various ways I can gain a competitive edge when I move to New York to become a star."

Her dads exchange a glance before Leroy opens his mouth to speak.

"Yes, that all sounds well and good sweetie, but you've been preparing and conditioning yourself for superstardom since the day you came out of the womb. There's almost nothing more you can do at this point besides try to collect as many experiences for your acting repertoire as possible, and having friends and falling in love are pretty essential things parts of the human condition that you haven't really gotten to feel yet."

Rachel sighs. He's right. How will she ever be able to win a role on Broadway when she doesn't know what it feels like to be in love? (She doesn't count the disaster that occurred earlier in the afternoon or the year after High School Musical was released when she sent Zac Efron 53 love letters).

"All I can do is hope that a theoretical understanding of the concept of love and friendship would be sufficient," she finally says, avoiding her dads' worried gaze, "Because I've come to terms with the fact that no one will ever be able to love me."

"Pumpkin!" Hiram admonishes, "You know that's not true. We love you."

She's feeling thirsty. Bad sign.

"You guys have to love me though," she says softly, "it's like, the law."

"Rachel," Leroy says sadly, pulling her in for a hug, "You are just too special for this small, ignorant hick town. Remember what we always tell you about the apple tree?"

Rachel laughs shakily as Hiram squeezes her hand.

"Yes," she replies, "The best apples are the hardest to find and at the top of the tree, and boys in high school are afraid of climbing up too far and falling on their butts, so they don't even try. But when they get older, some of the really special men will take the risk, and pick the best apple of all, that apple being me, Rachel Berry."

The three of them laugh together.

"Exactly," Hiram says, kissing her on the forehead, "You're always easiest to reach through those metaphors you love so much. Now get some rest. You work much too hard for a 15 year old girl."

Rachel wipes away her tears as her dads close the door behind them. She's so lucky to have such wonderful, caring parents. Who needs a stupid mom anyways? Like her dads said, she's better than all of them.

...


	5. one day

Chapter 4. [Early December]

_A/N: _

_The song Rachel sings in the myspace video is Kelly Clarkson's 'Breakaway'._

...

[Wednesday, evening]

8 weeks later Finn's sitting in the auditorium next to Puck and the rest of the guys. It's the big night of the talent show.

They're here to support their girlfriends (Puck and Santana are on again, and well, Brittany has dated every guy on the football team at one point or another so-).

The lights dim and the curtains are drawn and little Rachel Berry comes out to give what seems like an hour long speech. She speaks so quickly that Finn can barely make out what she's saying. He's pretty sure he hears "medley of Disney songs" "spread intermittently" (whatever the hell that means) "first song from _Beauty and the Beast_" "metaphor for escape from a suffocating small town" "followed by performances from other McKinley students" and "enjoy this special treat".

Puck nudges him with his elbow and whispers, "Can't help but wonder what else she can do with that mouth huh?"

Finn laughs awkwardly. No kidding.

Wait, why is Puck talking about Rachel Berry like any other normal hot girl?

Thinking about it, he realizes Puck has been 'slushie'ing her a lot less in the past month. Is this because he feels guilty for throwing her in the dumpster that one time? Yeah, Puck is an ass, but he doesn't usually physically attack _girls_.

He turns to look at his friend questioningly as Rachel begins bringing out the elaborate set for her musical performance.

"Hey what's up with you?"

Puck raises an eyebrow in question.

"I mean," Finn explains, "I thought you were pissed at her for totally denying you, but you haven't been giving her as much shit as you usually do lately."

Puck shrugs his shoulders.

"I figure she saved me the trouble of breaking up with her once I came to my senses and realized what a total freak she was. It doesn't matter how hot a chick is when she's that crazy."

Finn nods. He has definitely experienced her crazy first hand. Even just turning his head back to look at her now, he sees she's wearing some floor length blue dress with a white apron which he assumes means not only is she singing a song but she's also playing a character. For a high school talent show.

Like, who does that?

He watches as Rachel walks towards the center of the stage to begin her song. To tell the truth, he's mildly interested to find out if all her obsessiveness and conceitedness are deserved.

"_Little town it's a quiet village_

_every day like the one before _

_little town full of little people_

_waking up to say-"_

Finn's jaw drops. Her voice is like nothing he's ever heard before, it doesn't seem of this world.

A pale boy with a scarily high voice, some goth chick, a.. erm.. _voluptuous_ black girl, and that kid in the wheelchair are dancing in the background (and looking none too happy about it he might add) and doing the vocals of the townspeople.

"_bonjour! bonjour! bonjour! bonjour!"_

Finn leans forward to get a closer look at the stage as Rachel starts singing again.

"_There goes the baker with his tray, like always_

_The same old bread and rolls to sell_

_Every morning just the same_

_Since the morning that we came_

_To this poor provincial town"_

The chorus of oddballs mimic gossipers as they sing the next part.

"_Look, there she goes_

_the girl is strange, no question_

_dazed and distracted, can't you tell?_

_never part of any crowd_

_cause her head's up on some cloud_

_no denying she's a funny girl, that Rachel"_

Finn freaking loved Disney movies when he was a little kid, and Beauty and the Beast had always been his favorite princess one. He always related to the big, clumsy, and misunderstood Beast (he's always been larger than his peers, so he likes the idea that an oversized freak can get the pretty, sweet, smart girl in the end).

"_There must be more than this provincial life!"_

Listening to Rachel sing literally seems to make the rest of his surroundings fade away. He feels like he's in one of those terrible chick flicks that Quinn always drags him to.

"_Look, there she goes, that girl is so peculiar_

_I wonder if she's feeling well_

_with a dreamy, far-off look_

_and her nose stuck in a book_

_what a puzzle to the rest of us is Rachel"_

Finn laughs as he realizes what Rachel's done there, replacing 'Belle' with 'Rachel' and pronouncing it 'Ray-chelle'. That's clever.

He quiets as he sees Rachel open her mouth to sing again, next to what looks like a stuffed animal in the shape of sheep.

"_Ohhhhhh... isn't this amazing?_

_it's my favorite part because... you'll see_

_here's where she meets Prince Charming_

_but she won't discover that it's him_

_till chapter three"_

Her voice was literally giving him goosebumps.

"_Now it's no wonder that her name_

_means "beauty"_

_her looks have got no parallel_

_But behind that fair facade_

_I'm afraid she's rather odd_

_very different from the rest of us_

_She's nothing like the rest of us_

_yes, different from the rest of us is Rachel"_

Finn wonders if she's chosen this song purposefully. Because Rachel really is different from everyone else at McKinley, and even though he always thought that being different was a bad thing, she makes standing out seem awesome.

Maybe the 'provincial town' (not that he has any idea what that word means) is supposed to represent Lima!

"_There must be more than this provincial life!"_

Finn claps loudly and is about to stand up when Puck turns to him and coughs exaggeratedly, "Someone's obsessed with herself!"

Finn looks at Puck disbelievingly. Does he need to get his ears checked? He'd be pretty freaking obsessed with himself too if he could sing like that.

And this girl had called him talented...

The rest of the show passes in a daze. Finn wouldn't have been able to say how long he sat there, or if his girlfriend performed well, because his head is replaying the voice of an angel over and over.

...

Rachel smiles as she sings. She organized the line-up to ensure that she opened and concluded the talent show, and is currently finishing up the number she threw in the middle of the show just for good measure. She is, of course, the only student who has multiple slots to exhibit her talent, but she doesn't feel like it's cheating or anything, because any unbiased talent show conductor would have known right away that her talent kicked the rest of the high school's talent's butt, and probably would have given her even more solos anyways.

"_Unbelievable sights_

_Indescribable feeling_

_Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling_

_Through an endless diamond sky_

_A whole new world_

_Don't you dare close your eyes_

_A hundred thousand things to see_

_Hold your breath - it gets better_

_I'm like a shooting star_

_I've come so far_

_I can't go back to where I used to be"_

She loves singing songs that have personal or emotional value to her individually. This little beauty from Aladdin is meant to convey her excitement to leave this banal little town and her full expectation that, one day, she will meet someone who will love and cherish her and sweep her off her feet and explore the magic of New York with her.

She likes to retreat into these fantasies and daydreams (which she often, like now, accesses through music) whenever she remembers that in real life, she's never been kissed and doesn't have a single friend.

"_A whole new world_

_That's where we'll be_

_A thrilling chase_

_A wondrous place_

_For you and me"_

She closes her eyes as she belts out the last note of the song to lukewarm applause.

Scanning the audience, she realizes that only the adults (parents coming to support their kids) seem to be impressed.

She silently fumes as she storms off the stage to let the freshman 'stand-up comedian' do his piece. Why does she have to live in a small town in the middle of nowhere where the inhabitants couldn't recognize talent if it hit them square on the forehead?

_One day_, she tells herself, _when I see my name in lights, all these numbskulls will mean nothing to me. One day I will have forgotten every single one of their names and faces and bask in a life of fame, music, and triumph._

...

Finn can't pay attention to anything that's going on when they all go to dinner at Arby's after to celebrate.

Luckily, Quinn believed him when he told her he thought she sounded wonderful (he doesn't even remember watching her perform) and gladly accepted his gas-station bought flowers.

And now she's too busy chatting with Santana and Brittany to notice something's up.

His mind is buzzing with the most beautiful sound he's ever heard in his life. Why is he the only one freaking out about this? Are all of his friends deaf? He has never witnessed such talent in his entire 16 years of life, but no one seems to notice or care that their school is host to a musical prodigy.

So he eats his roast beef sandwich in silence, his mind replaying a couple of Disney tunes over and over.

Later, when Quinn invites him inside while he drops her off, he makes up some lame excuse about having to help his mom with laundry. But really, all he's wanted to do since Rachel finished her third and last song (Once Upon a Dream) on stage, is look up those myspace videos of hers that everyone's always making fun of.

He fumbles with his key when he finally gets to his house, and hurries up to his bedroom, brushing off his mom.

He twists the lock as he enters his room. He doesn't want anyone disturbing him.

Grabbing his laptop, he quickly opens up an internet browser.

He types in 'Rachel Berry myspace' into google.

The link appears right away. He feels oddly relieved, he was worried that there would be a lot of Rachel Berry's to sift through, but apparently (he clicks on the link) Rachel has set up quite a fancy myspace page.

It's one of those with tons of graphics and videos and uploaded songs, you know, the kind that freezes slow computers (luckily his mom got him a macbook for his birthday).

He randomly chooses a video to click on (the screenshot shows her in a ridiculously short skirt though, so maybe his choice wasn't that random) and feels his blood pump faster at the thought of hearing her voice again.

"_Grew up in a small town_

_And when the rain would fall down_

_I'd just stare out my window_

_Dreaming of what could be_

_And if I'd end up happy_

_I would pray (I would pray)_

_Trying hard to reach out_

_But when I tried to speak out_

_Felt like no one could hear me_

_Wanted to belong here_

_But something felt so wrong here_

_So I prayed I could break away_

_I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly_

_I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky_

_And I'll make a wish_

_Take a chance_

_Make a change_

_And breakaway"_

He can't stop the chills that keep wracking his body. He never thought listening to someone sing could make him feel this way. But Rachel Berry's voice is pure magic. It's literally making his entire body tingle over and over again.

He spends the next three hours listening to every myspace video she's ever posted. Twice. He can't get enough.

He thinks he's noticing a pattern to the songs she sings. They're all about getting out of small towns and overcoming stuff and following dreams. He likes that. She's got guts. Maybe she's not really crazy after all, just a little fiery and.. intense.

When he starts yawning every couple seconds, he realizes it's really late and he should get to bed. He read once that teenagers need more sleep than infants.

But for some reason, he can't fall asleep when his head hits the pillow and his warm comforter's wrapped around him. There are too many thoughts racing around in his head.

What he finds weirdest is that yesterday, Rachel was just some crazy stalker chick, and today, she's like, this girl who's crazy talented and someone he wants to know. All it took was one day for everything to change.

He sits up suddenly a couple hours later cuz he's just remembered something. All those weeks ago when he made Rachel cry in the parking lot, she said something about a musical. He's not sure if that's still going on because he hasn't heard anything else about it, but if it is, he wants in.

He's pretty sure she's in his English class, or maybe it's Astronomy. Whichever it is, he'll ask her about it tomorrow. He hopes it's not too late to try out. A nagging thought tugs at the edge of his mind, but he hushes it. If he can avoid missing any football practices, there's no reason for anyone to find out he'll be in a musical. It's not like anyone's going to actually go see it anyways.

The thought of getting to hear Rachel's voice in person, being close to her, _all the time_, spreads a smile to his face as he lies back down.

...

She stares at her depressingly short email contact list. Clicking the boxes next to the only four non-relatives' email addresses (the recently added fellow social outcasts who've signed on to participate in the musical) she quickly composes a spunky email.

_Hello Jets and Sharks!_

_As you well know, the talent show has successfully reached its conclusion, which also means we can finally start rehearsals for 'West Side Story'! Now I'm aware of the fact that a couple of you are uncertain about the future of this production, but let me just assure you that it __will__ be spectacular. I'm planning on holding a second set of auditions soon, but until then, let's try to spread the word to encourage more participation. However, that doesn't mean we can slack off until we receive more members either, which is why I will be conducting the first official rehearsal for 'West Side Story' tomorrow afternoon straight after 6th period. We will be meeting in the auditorium. I can't wait to see you all there, get ready for some fun!_

_Best Regards,_

_Rachel Berry_

_P.S. This rehearsal is mandatory!_

She knows the extra effort she put in to make that as upbeat and bubbly as possible will go unnoticed by the 4 students. They all blatantly resent her for her superior talent and position of power. Artie Abrams and Tina Cohen-Chang are nice to her on occasion, but when it comes down to it, they always side with Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones. The fact that the 4 of them had the audacity to form a tight-knit clique that excluded her, when_ she_ was the one to bring them together in the first place, positively infuriates her.

Just thinking about it raises her blood pressure. But she doesn't add that as a post post script to the email or anything because she's a bigger person than that.

_One day_, she reminds herself, _things will change_.

_..._


	6. beyond

Chapter 5. [Early December]

...

[Thursday, afternoon]

Turns out, Rachel's in his Astronomy AND English class. He wonders how he can be so unobservant sometimes.

He'd sat next to her in Astronomy, hoping to get a chance to talk to her about the musical, when Quinn had walked in and he'd remembered that _his girlfriend_ was in his 2nd period too. He'd been so preoccupied with thinking about Rachel and her heavenly voice that he'd forgotten all about _his girlfriend_. He thinks he might have forgotten that he even had a girlfriend at all.

But then he walks into 6th period English and sees her at the front of the class already taking notes even though the late bell hasn't even rung yet.

At the sight of her, suddenly he's nervous and he thinks his palms might be getting a little sweaty. What the hell? He's the coolest dude in this class, he needs to calm the eff down. He takes a deep breath before sitting in the desk behind her. He's early so there aren't a lot of kids in the room yet, and he has to double check his brain to make sure that Quinn isn't in this class too.

Once he's almost more than halfway sure that she isn't, he tries to smoothly get Rachel's attention by poking her back with his pencil.

She jumps so jerkingly that he thinks she's having a seizure or something before she turns around.

She looks shocked when she first sees that it's him, and then she looks a little mad.

"Can I help you?" she finally asks, in a way he thinks might be sarcastic only he doesn't fully understand what that word means.

"Umm yeah," he starts in a low breath, wiping the sweat on his hands across the tops of his jeans, "Uhh.. is that musical thing still going on?"

Her eyes widen, and he temporarily forgets his nerves as he marvels over how big her brown eyes can get.

"Yes," she answers in a clipped tone, "What's it to you?"

"Well I was just wondering if I could uh, you know, uh, join..." he lets his words trail off as he watches her react.

She stares at him harshly, "I thought musicals were lame."

Crap.

"Yeah," he says, staring at the plastic tiles on the floor, "Sorry about that, I shouldn't have said that.. you just, kinda surprised me ya know? And I don't _really_ think music is lame, actually I think it's kinda the opposite, but I was just having a really bad day and stuff and I really wanted to get home and.."

He leaves the sentence hanging, he doesn't know what else he can say without making her even more mad.

She gives him a cold glare for a couple of seconds, like she's trying to figure out if he's tricking her or something, before answering shortly.

"You can audition today after school in the auditorium, but if this is some sort of joke, I will have no issue turning you into the principal's office."

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Karofsky walk in and give him a weird look.

Clearing his throat quickly, he mumbles "KthanksI'llseeyouintheauditoriumthen," and brushes her off by getting his books out of his backpack.

She gives a little 'humph' before crossing her arms and turning around just as their teacher starts her lecture on Shakespeare.

He spends the next 55 minutes staring at Rachel's back trying to figure out how her hair is so shiny instead of listening to the teacher.

...

She's having trouble concentrating on Mrs. Martin's lecture on the Introduction to Shakespeare's Romantic Tragedies because Finn Hudson is sitting just a couple feet behind her and she can almost feel his eyes on her back.

She's still not sure if that whole interaction with Finn really just occurred. Why would he change his mind like that? After almost two months? Totally out of the blue? She resists the urge to turn around and sneak a peek at him.

When he was talking to her, she'd wanted to be angry with him, but she'd had trouble focusing because she'd never seen his face up close like that before.

And Finn Hudson? He's one good looking fellow.

She knows she should be wary of him, especially after that whole debacle in the parking lot a couple months ago, but there's something about his eyes that makes it hard to be. He's so sweet and innocent looking, like he'd never hurt a fly, let alone a vulnerable teenage girl, and she can't help but trust him. She also knows that he and his voice could potentially elevate _West Side Story_ from amateur status to legitimately good, and she's not going to jeopardize that just because of some wounded pride.

But she'll be on her toes around him, that's for sure. The boy is just too cute to be safe around.

...

The bell rings and all the students hurry to gather their things. Karofsky blindsides him before he can think of a way to get to the auditorium without anyone noticing.

"Why the fuck are you sitting up front with Berry?" he asks rudely while Finn stuffs his notebook into his backpack.

Rachel's in earshot and he doesn't want to lie in front of her, but if Karofsky finds the real reason out he's screwed.

"Uhh..." he hates how slow he is sometimes, why can't he ever think fast?

Rachel gets up and rolls her eyes at Karofsky.

"He was copying my notes," she covers for him, before walking quickly out the door.

"Yeah," Finn says smiling in relief, she sure is a quick one.

"Oh," Karofsky's ugly face turns non-threatening, "Well some of the guys are coming over to test the new controllers I got for my PS3, you in?"

"Uhh no sorry man, I really have to pee," he hurries away towards the bathroom before Karofsky can realize what a lame excuse that is.

He sits in a stall for five minutes twiddling his thumbs while he waits for most of the student body to clear out of the school.

Peeking his head out, he finally decides the coast is clear and heads to the auditorium.

When he walks in through the audience entrance, he sees that Rachel's back towards him and she's bossing around those 4 kids who sang back up for her in that Beauty & the Beast song, trying to show them dance steps.

Uh oh. Is he going to have to dance? Because if he can barely walk without tripping over his ginormous feet, how is he supposed to do complicated dance moves? But that kid in the wheelchair obviously can't dance either, so maybe it will be okay.

Speaking of the kid in the wheelchair, he notices Finn there first, and has to take off his glasses and clean them then put them back on to make sure he sees who he thinks he's seeing.

"The gym's that way," he finally says in a loud voice, pointing in the direction that Finn just came from.

Rachel whirls around and looks surprised that he actually showed.

"I know," he replies, walking down the steps towards the stage.

"Ar- Ar- Are y-y-you sure?" the Asian with the streaked hair asks, "Be-c-c-cause y-y-you look luh-luh-lost."

Wow. Does everyone at this school think he's the biggest idiot on the planet?

"I'm not," he says shortly, looking expectantly at Rachel.

She gives him a small smile.

"Guys," she says, turning back to her quartet of weirdos, "This is Finn Hudson, he'll be auditioning for the musical."

The really pale boy with the pink face walks over to him energetically and reaches his hand out breathlessly.

"Kurt Hummel, glad to make your make your acquaintance."

Finn shakes it unsurely, and looks at the others.

"Mercedes," the sassy bla-, erm, African American girl says, staring him down, "Can you even sing?"

"Let's find out," Rachel says practically, bringing out the boom box, "Do you have an audition song prepared?"

"Uhh.. not really.." he says, looking around nervously.

"Well luckily," Rachel offers, "I happen to have the 'Greatest Karaoke hits volume 1' CD in my binder, so I'm sure we can find something for you."

She runs to her book bag behind the side curtain thingies to go look for it. Everyone else turns to stare at him and he feels uncomfortable.

"My name's Artie," the kid in the wheel chair says, "But you should already know who I am considering you and your friends gave me a patriotic weggie last week."

Finn looks down in shame. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all.

"Yeah.." he mutters apologetically, "Sorry about that, we can be jerks sometimes.."

Kurt scoffs, his previous excitement seems to have been replaced with some sore pride or something.

"No kidding," he adds saucily, "Your gang also nailed all my lawn furniture to my roof."

"I wasn't actually there for that," Finn sighs and waves his hands around to prove his point, "Because.. I'm not actually like that, not on the inside. If I were I wouldn't be _here_ would I?"

He's got them there. But they all still stare at him skeptically.

It's weird, because this bunch of geeky kids are making him feel unaccepted for the first time in his life- for not being 'uncool' enough.

He relaxes when Rachel comes back with the CD.

She hands it to him and he looks for a song that he recognizes. Then he spots his favorite Journey song ever, one that he's been singing along to since the age of 10. Score!

"#7," he grins, handing her back the CD.

Rachel looks down at it and smiles.

"Let's make this a duet," he looks at her, confused, "Let's sing the song together and take turns singing the verses," she explains, "Because you're auditioning for the male lead so we should see how well our voices mesh together."

She pops the CD in and soon familiar instrumentals are blaring from it. And suddenly, he feels better, even though his small audience is made up of tough critics. So he just goes for it.

"_Just a small town girl_

_Livin' in a lonely world_

_She took the midnight train_

_Goin' anywhere"_

Kurt, Tina, and Artie look impressed, but Finn barely notices because Rachel's smiling at him so widely that you can see all of her white teeth and he thinks it might be the prettiest smile he's ever seen. And then she sings, and he knows it is.

"_Just a city boy_

_Born and raised in South Detroit_

_He took the midnight train_

_Goin' anywhere"_

He almost forgets his next line because Rachel's voice is so good it hurts and all the hairs on his arm are sticking up like she injected him with some adrenaline shot or something.

"_A singer in a smokey room"_

"_A smell of wine and cheap perfume"_

And then they're singing together and he can't remember the last time he felt this rad.

"_For a smile they can share the night_

_It goes on and on and on and on"_

Now Artie, Tina, Kurt, and even Mercedes are joining in and they're all sort of clapping and snapping their fingers and goofin' around.

"_Strangers waiting_

_Up and down the boulevard_

_Their shadows searching_

_In the night_

_Streetlights, people_

_Livin' just to find emotion_

_Hidin', somewhere in the night"_

She walks closer to him and puts her arms across his chest and sort of spins him around her, so that they're sorta circling each other. His hand grazes her boob as she walks away again and he thinks maybe dancing isn't so bad after all.

"_Workin' hard to get my fill_

_Everybody wants a thrill_

_Payin' anything to roll the dice_

_Just one more time_

_Some will win_

_Some will lose_

_Some were born to sing the blues_

_Oh, the movie never ends_

_It goes on and on and on and on"_

How come he never noticed how pretty Rachel was before? She's got like the biggest eyes and the longest lashes and the shiniest hair and definitely the best smile ever.

"_Strangers waiting_

_Up and down the boulevard_

_Their shadows searching_

_In the night_

_Streetlights, people_

_Livin' just to find emotion_

_Hidin', somewhere in the night"_

The way she's looking at him... he can't describe it, but it's making him feel like he has heartburn or something and his entire body is tingling. He licks his lips.

"_Don't stop believin'_

_Hold on to the feelin'_

_Streetlights, people_

_Don't stop believin'_

_Hold on_

_Streetlights, people"_

His heart's pounding and he can't stop smiling and he decides he really really loves singing. Especially with Rachel.

They all burst out laughing as the music ends, out of breath and high on life.

"Alright white boy," Mercedes concedes, "You're good."

"And you're definitely in," Rachel adds.

...

Rachel doesn't need a mirror to know she's starry-eyed.

Finn's voice is 10 times better than she remembered it, and singing with him? Is like nothing she's ever experienced before. Her pulse is racing and her mind's spinning and she's pretty sure she hasn't stopped smiling for the last 5 minutes straight and she thinks this is what it must feel like to be drunk. Because she's so happy she feels like she's walking on air.

He smiles at her again and she thinks he might have more charisma in one of his dimples than the rest of the school put together.

"Alright," she says, clapping her hands to get their attention, "I think with Finn on board this musical is in much better shape than it was this morning. If we can just get a few more people to join I think we'll have the bare minimum amount of cast to make this really great. We still have 5 months or so until our big debut, so I think for now we should focus on recruiting more students and just have one rehearsal a week to go over basic choreography and song arrangements until then."

Kurt turns to Finn, "Okay who is this and what did you do with our slave driver?"

Rachel crosses her arms.

"But I _will _have the script prepared within the next couple weeks," she adds, "and I fully expect all of you to have it completely memorized after we return from Winter break."

"And there she is," Kurt mutters under his breath.

"Just one question," Mercedes says with her hands on her hips, the previous smile on her face somewhat diminished, "If we get more recruits, I still get to be Anita right?"

Rachel smiles, "Of course Mercedes, that part is yours, I am not one to go back on my word."

Mercedes smiles a little and Rachel's doesn't think there's ever been such little animosity in the group.

"So we're done already?" Finn asks, almost looking disappointed.

"For now yes," Rachel answers, "You still need to learn the songs, which reminds me, I'll have to email them to you so you're going to have give me your email your address before you leave but I don't have any paper on me-" she's officially rambling.

"How about you just gimme your number," Finn says logically, "I'll text it to you."

Rachel blushes. She's never been asked for her number before by a guy. And even though Finn's not asking her for it romantically or anything like that, it still counts.

She takes a pen out of her pocket and writes her number on his hand. When her fingers grab his wrist she swears he twitches a little, and she can't help but notice how big and smooth and masculine his hands are. She gulps.

"So," Finn starts, looking up at the rest of the loitering crew, "Does anyone need a ride home or anything?"

"W-W-We hu-hu-hu-have a cuh-cuh-car pool," Tina stutters.

Rachel looks at them accusingly, why wasn't she ever invited in on this?

"Yeah my dad's on duty today," Artie adds.

"But where do you live?" Kurt asks Finn randomly, "I mean, if I'm on your way than it'd make sense for me to go with you instead- Artie lives on the opposite side of town."

"Over by Carpenter's Farm" Finn answers.

"Oh.. well.." Kurt looks a little too disappointed, "Nevermind then."

"How about you?" Finn says, turning to Rachel.

She's just about to tell him that she'd love a ride (and just have one of her dads drive her back to her car later tonight) when she remembers that he's already seen her car and will recognize it in the parking lot.

"I drove," she responds bitterly.

Darnit. She reminds herself to exclusively walk to school on days when they rehearse.

"Well, should we all walk to the parking lot then?" Finn asks.

Kurt and Mercedes and Artie and Tina exchange looks. They're all still a little shocked that_ Finn Hudson_ is joining the musical and talking to them like they're his equals.

Rachel watches on as Finn charms them all with his small talk as they walk out of the school, but she doesn't really join in because she still can't believe that this is actually happening.

Deep down she knows this is not good. That she's falling for Finn Hudson _hard_ and setting herself up for heartbreak. That he's dating the prettiest girl in school and would never be interested in a nobody like her. But she can't help it. The heart wants what the heart wants.

"Right Rachel?" Finn turns to her, trying to include her in the conversation.

"Sorry, what?" she asks, blushing a little.

"I was just saying that we'll make this work, even though we're so different and there aren't enough of us yet, because we're all here for the same reason right? We want to be good at something."

Her smile gets so big that it hurts her cheeks.

"Yeah," she answers, "Right."

...

Rachel gives him a short wave goodbye as she drives away in that funny little car of hers and he can't help but laugh at the silly way she does it. He watches her drive out of the lot and then leans his head against the head rest in his truck and takes a deep breath.

His brain's so spent that it feels like he just ran a marathon and ate a delicious tub of fried chicken and had the best jerk-off ever all at once. That's how awesome and weird and tired he feels. Even though he wasn't really exercising or anything, it's just his emotions have been so up and down that it's almost like his circuit's been all re-wired and electrically charged or something so that he feel frazzled and excited and confused at the same time.

Like, what just happened?

Singing with Rachel.. was just... beyond. Finn knew he wouldn't of been able to describe it even if he had a bigger vocabulary.

And that kinda scares him.

It was like they'd made this connection. It was like he knew her, the real insides of her, even though he didn't really know anything about her.

But he has a girlfriend. A really hot, popular girlfriend. So it doesn't really matter how cool he thinks Rachel is, because he's taken.

...


	7. bright night

Chapter 6. [Early December]

...

"**streetlights, people."**

...

[Saturday, evening]

He's drunk. Like, totally shit-faced. So much so that he can't even enjoy the fact that his tipsy girlfriend's tongue is all up in his mouth right now.

He doesn't feel good at all actually. The music's too loud, he's had too much beer, and he's not a huge fan of the whole PDA thing (Quinn's sitting on the kitchen counter and he's standing between her legs, and there's a shitload of people in the surrounding rooms).

Quinn's dad's on another business trip (it seems like he's gone on one every weekend) and her mom's on another spa weekend, and she hates being alone, so she repeatedly fills the house with noise and people by throwing ragers.

That's one of the reasons he can be so forgiving when it comes to her meanness, he knows she has a lot of family issues. That, and the fact that she's a solid 10.

He rips his mouth away from hers as his stomach lurches. He moves his hand to cover it, but it's too late, so he races to the sink and throws up a bunch of acidy liquid.

"Ugh Finn, gross!" Quinn yells, plugging her noise and pushing him towards the exit, "We just remodeled the kitchen! Go outside!"

He runs out the door into the night and crosses the street to find the nearest gutter and bends over to relieve his queasy stomach. Hunching over on the sidewalk, he tries to remember how he went so overboard tonight, he usually knows when to stop drinking.

He thinks it might have all started when Puck took out his stupid guitar (he annoyingly keeps the thing in his Jeep at all freaking times) and started playing all those random songs in the living room. All the girls had gone predictably apeshit and flocked to him like moths to a lamp, and then Puck had gotten Quinn to sing along to the music he was strumming to and everyone had started clapping like they were the freaking Beatles come back from the dead or something.

And it had just really pissed him off that everyone was applauding them like that, when Puck and Quinn sounded like nails on a chalkboard compared to Rachel. Yet they acted like Rachel was a piece of dirt.

He just didn't get it. Rachel was pretty and nice and smart and the best singer ever (seriously, he had tried to think of a famous singer who was better and hadn't been able to come up with one), but everyone treated her so badly, like she was a gross bug or something, when she _so _wasn't.

And then he'd gotten pissed at himself for thinking about Rachel _again_, because she'd basically been the only thing on his mind since they'd sung together yesterday afternoon. And he was almost scaring himself about how obsessive he was getting. That's when he'd started just downing the vodka shots.

After Puck and Quinn had finished their dumb performance (which had also been suspiciously flirty) Quinn had practically attacked him in the kitchen for a hookup and by that time he was too wasted to have any more fun.

And then he'd ralphed over Quinn's newly remodeled sink and kitchen counter, and so here he was, outside in the dark, cold and alone, waiting for all of the disgusting digested food and drink in his system to come back up.

_..._

Rachel takes a deep breath of the unusually warm winter air as her feet pound the pavement in a steady rhythm. She smiles as a new song starts playing on her ipod and adjusts her headphones as she jogs.

_I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see Painted faces fill the places I can't reach You know that I could use somebody You know that I could use somebody _Her exercise regime is usually limited to her morning workouts on the elliptical, but every once in awhile she gets restless and likes to go out on an evening jog. Tonight's one of those nights. She's just finished 8 laps around the track in her neighborhood park and is now on her way back to her house.

_You know that I could use somebody_

_You know that I could use somebody_

_Someone like you _

The lyrics of the song conjure up an image in her mind of a certain dimpled quarterback with scruffy hair and smiling eyes.

Yes. She could most assuredly use somebody like_ him_.

He is, after all, what she's been thinking about non-stop since yesterday afternoon.

She likes him so much it hurts. Literally. She knows she can be melodramatic sometimes, but she's had this weird stomachache all day, and she's positive it's because her brain has permanently erected a billboard of Finn Hudson's perfect face in her mind, as a constant reminder that she's crushing on the most unattainable guy at her high school.

_Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat I hope it's gonna make you notice I hope it's gonna make you notice Someone like me, someone like me Someone like me, somebody_

She's only really known him for one day and she's already throwing the phrase 'true love' around in her head. She's replayed the scene in her mind over and over, and she just knows there was something there. It wasn't just her overactive imagination this time. They'd made a real connection, they'd shared something meaningful.

She turns the corner and runs through the trees and street lamps lining her cul de sac.

She panics when she sees a massive figure hunched over by the gutter opening near the front of her house. She rips her headphones out of her ears and grips the rape whistle around her neck quickly as she slows her pace down to a cautious walk.

Now she can hear the the low pounding of dance music emitting from Quinn Fabray's house across the street and see that the person is vomiting. She breathes a sigh of relief, it all makes sense now. Just some drunken teenager. A very_ big _drunken teenager.

And then he coughs, and she vaguely recognizes the sound.

Think of the devil. She suddenly knows exactly who it is.

"Finn?" she calls out.

...

Oh God. Oh no no no. Please don't let that be who he thinks it is.

"Finn?" she calls out again.

Yup. It's her. He'd know that voice anywhere. And now he just wants to crawl in a hole and die rather than have her see him like this.

He wipes his mouth and doesn't answer. Crouching down lower, he hopes if he stays quiet and tries to blend into the night she'll leave him alone.

"Finn I can see you," she says loudly, walking closer to him with her hands on her hips, "Are you okay? Don't you know that underage drinking is not only vulgar and reprehensible, but _illegal_?"

He nods glumly, and tries to walk away from the barf on the ground but stumbles over his own feet in dizziness instead.

Rachel rushes to him and grabs his arm in support, leading him to the edge of the sidewalk. She sits next to him and starts rubbing his back comfortingly. How is she so nice?

"Where's Quinn?" she asks quietly, "Why isn't she out here helping you?"

"She's prob'ly still mad at me for throwing up in her kitchen," he mutters lowly, leaning his head between his knees.

"Hold on," Rachel says, getting up suddenly, "I'm going to go bring you some food and water. _Someone_ needs to take care of you."

He hears her run towards the house right behind him, and even though he's feeling so shitty he still finds it funny that she thinks _he_ needs taking care of, when he's so big and she's so little. But then she comes walking out with purposeful steps carrying two bottled waters and a half loaf of french bread and he realizes that she does have a quiet strength of her own.

She sits back down next to him and passes him the water first.

"To wash out the toxins in your body," she explains, "While the bread will absorb the alcohol."

He takes the bottle and finishes half of it in one sip and already feels better. After ripping off a piece of bread and eating that too, his head doesn't feel so fuzzy and his body doesn't feel so heavy and his stomach doesn't feel so terrible.

"Thanks," he says, turning to Rachel gratefully, "You're really smart."

She gives him that smile he loves so much and his stomach does a little flip.

Now that his head's a bit clearer, he's noticing that all she's wearing is a flimsy tank top and the tightest metallic hot pink shorts he's ever seen.

He can feel his adam's apple bob as he swallows. It's warmer than usual for this time of year, but it's still early winter, and the chilly breeze is accentuating some of her, ahem, assets.

She's just so damn.. sexy. It's no wonder he can't stop thinking about her. Even though he shouldn't be.

_It's just her voice_, he tells himself,_ that's all. _

He thinks Rachel Berry should come with a warning. Something along the lines of, _Beware: Hearing my voice might make your head get all out of whack. I'm just that good._

...

She smiles at his sweet and simple words.

If it were anyone else she'd be grossed out right now. But because it's him, and it's _his_ vomit pooling around her feet, she doesn't mind the smell or the situation one bit. She thinks something might be seriously wrong with her.

She puts her hand back on his back and begins rubbing circles against it while he drinks some more water.

"So.." she starts, "Is this a regular past time of yours or a

"Throwing up?" he asks.

She giggles, "No," she corrects, "Binge-drinking to the point of throwing up."

"Oh," he says, chewing a piece of bread thoughtfully, "Nope. This is my first time actually."

She nods understandingly, "So why did you decide to drink yourself into oblivion on this particular night?"

"You sound like Miss Pillsbury," he responds.

She removes her hand from his back and looks at her feet. People always tell her she talks like an old woman, but she can't help it if she has an advanced vocabulary and a motherly concern for people. But she doesn't want Finn comparing her to their 30 year old guidance counselor (as pretty and sweet as Miss Pillsbury is).

Her eyes widen when he takes the hand in her lap and places it on his back again.

"Don't stop," he says quietly, "It feels nice."

She begins the soothing motions of her hand again. The heat of his warm body seeps through his thin t-shirt and she realizes she's never been this close to a boy before.

"I think it's because I've been really stressed lately."

It takes her a second to remember that this is his response to her original question.

"Football and having a girlfriend take up a lot of my time," he goes on through bites of the crusty bread, "And now I'm gonna have to juggle musical stuff too. And no offense or anything, but I don't really want any of my friends finding out about that cuz they're gonna give me a really hard time about it and stuff."

"But why does it matter?" she asks, "You're better than all of them."

He turns his head and looks at her like she just spoke pig latin.

He changes the subject, like he can't take a compliment or something.

"And Quinn would freak. I mean, she's great and stuff, it's just, she doesn't understand this stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" she queries (she thinks she knows his favorite word).

"Ya know.." he thinks about it for a second, "Like music, and feelings, and _caring_.. and stuff."

"Because she's a heartless vicious robot?" Rachel supplies, without thinking the comment through.

Finn straightens his back and her hand slides off.

"No. She's not that bad," he shakes his head, "Ugh, I shouldn't even be talking about this with you," he makes a move to get up but falls back on his butt when it fails.

"I'm sorry I was out of line," she apologizes, even though she feels like crying because he obviously genuinely likes his villain of a girlfriend, "Here, let me go get you a shirt that doesn't smell so atrocious and we can pretend like I never said that."

She jumps up before he can reply and runs into her house for the second time. Going into the laundry room, she promptly finds one of her Papa's biggest and baggiest shirts. She pauses in the downstairs bathroom to check her appearance. She's not wearing any make-up and her hair's pulled back with a headband and her clothing is borderline scanty (hey, it's a warm autumn evening) but spending time with Finn is somehow making her _glow_ all the same.

She's relieved to see he's still standing in front her yard when she walks outside. Half of her expected him to run away, she can be so tactless sometimes.

"Here," she says handing the shirt to him, "Do you need help putting it on?"

Wow, could she be any more forward?

"Uh.. no it's okay," he responds, quickly shrugging out of the grey one he's wearing and into the white one she brought him, "Thanks," he mumbles when he's finished.

She can't bring herself to speak after seeing what she just witnessed. Even in the dusky evening light his skin looked like cream and his arms and chest were just so flawless and smooth and _big_. She's read about sexual desire and hormones in books before, but she had no idea what they actually felt like until just now.

She sits back next to him carefully, scared that if she gets too close she might not be able to fight the impulse to squeeze him like a big, really attractive, teddy bear.

"I'm really sorry about this," he says bashfully, misconstruing the reason for the distance she's placed between them, gesturing to the upchuck on the cement, "I know being around barf can make a lot of people want to barf themselves, so it's really nice of you to stay here with me."

"I don't mind at all," she chirps right away, "And you don't have to worry about me throwing up too, I don't have a gag reflex."

...

Finn chokes on the piece of bread he's eating._ She doesn't have a gag reflex._

Great, that's just great, as if he needs one more reason to get, all bothered down there, whenever he thinks about her. He thinks she might actually be trying to kill him.

"Cool," he responds, even though it is so not cool. But really _really_ cool at the same time.

He sneaks a glance at her.

Right now, the way the streetlight's shining behind her, illuminating her outline, he thinks she literally looks like she's shining. Which is awesome, cuz, she's the shiniest person he's ever met, especially since she always pastes gold stars on everything.

Her eyes and smile shine too. Well, not literally, but they light up and make his insides light up a little bit too, so he figures shine is a good way to describe it.

And as he stares at her (she's so close to him even though he knows he stinks) prettily alit by the streetlamp like that, he's marveling at how small and wispy she is compared to him. She kinda reminds him of a fairy.

...

Even though they're next to each other in utter silence, somehow, it's not awkward at all. If anything it's.. peaceful.

She leans her head against his shoulder and they sit like that for a little bit. Her head moves slightly as he breathes in and out. The cool night air blows gently over them, and they can hear the crickets chirping.

It feels natural, they just.. fit.

...


	8. strange & wonderful

Chapter 7. [Early December]

_A/N:_

_So the first non Finn/Rachel cameo makes an appearance in this chapter. Although (if you haven't already noticed) this fic focuses mainly on our hot male lead and stunning young ingenue, it's also going to be somewhat of a minor ensemble piece so expect these different POVs every once in awhile from now on :) _

_Hope you're all enjoying this so far!_

...

[Monday, mid-morning]

Rachel sighs into her pencil and looks down at the pop quiz.

She read the chapter on nebulae yesterday, but she didn't absorb any of the information because she'd been so distracted with recollections of Saturday night.

Things with Finn had been so close to perfect until Quinn had barged outside looking for her boyfriend. Finn had then proceeded to shove Rachel off his shoulder and babbled some harebrained excuse for her presence.

Rachel had then gone back into her house in a 'hush hush' manner, as if she'd been doing something wrong (even though she _so_ wasn't) and she'd had to watch from her window as the evil Quinn Fabray dragged _her _Prince Charming back into the dragon's lair.

Rachel hates that Finn brushed her off because he cares too much about his reputation, but she can't really fault him for it without being a hypocrite. She has her own pathological need to be popular (because she believes popularity is essential to the upbringing of a star and will be ideal preparation for a life of fame). In fact, for a long time it'd been her number one goal to achieve in high school, before she'd decided it was a lost cause because Quinn Fabray and her idiot posse had a pointless vendetta against her.

But none of that matters anymore. Because now she has a new goal. Its name is Finn Hudson.

Sitting in 2nd period she can't even focus on the questions in front of her because all her attention is busy watching _him_ in her peripheral vision.

Her schoolwork might seriously suffer from her newly developed crush.

He's sitting in the desk diagonal from hers and so she notices right away when he tries to get her attention. She looks around and sees that everyone else is busy filling out their quizzes, so she faces him and mouths 'yes?'.

He grins and puts a finger to his lips to signal discretion before indiscreetly throwing a wad of paper at her.

Rachel huffs a little bit. Why is he throwing trash at her? He looks at her expectantly and she still doesn't get it. Then he exaggeratedly mimes opening the piece of paper and she realizes he's sent her a note. Disguised as a piece of trash. She's never gotten a note before but she's seen how this works in the movies and she's excited.

She makes sure their teacher isn't paying attention (Miss Anderson's grading papers on her desk) before she carefully uncrumples it.

Finn's handwriting is cramped and messy and (somehow) adorable.

_Thanks again for the help on Saturday, that was really cool._

Her hands shake as she writes a reply in her loopy cursive.

_Of course. I'm happy to see you look fully recovered :)_

She tosses it back to him as quietly as possible.

_Haha yeah. So have you decided when musical rehearsals are going to be? I rented the movie yesterday and it was pretty sweet. The story seemed kinda familiar too._

She stifles a laugh before composing her response.

_It probably sounded familiar because it's based off of the most famous love story of all time: Romeo & Juliet, which is the text we're studying in English. _

_As far as rehearsal times go, I'm not sure yet, but right now I'm thinking Wednesdays after school. Does that work for you?_

She watches him frown a little before he sends it back.

_I have a celibacy club meeting until 4. Could we do it after?_

He's in the celibacy club?

She doesn't know how to feel about this. She thought for sure that he and Quinn were engaging in pre-marital sex considering how Noah Puckerman always goes on and on about the evergrowing tally of the football team's combined sexual escapades.

She's ecstatic that they're not.. but she's made it a moral point to condemn celibacy in the past..

_Or we could just do it Thursday. _She bites her lip, before adding a little bit more. _I didn't know you were in the celibacy club. Are you really planning on waiting until marriage? Or is it just a 'for the parents' type of thing?_

He writes back with vigor.

_Um yeah I'm not really convinced on the whole 'waiting till marriage' thing actually.. Quinn made me join. And yeah Thursdays after school are good for me._

Rachel smiles to herself. Does this mean he's a virgin? She can't help but add her two cents.

_Thursdays it is then. Well personally I find celibacy to be an archaic social convention and anti-feminist. You shouldn't buy into a practice just because other people tell you to Finn._

Finn stitches his brows in confusion before replying.

_I have no idea what you just said, but it kinda sounded as if you think celibacy is stupid, and if that's right, then I totally agree with you._

She does think celibacy is stupid. But celibacy with Finn and Quinn (she finds the fact that their names rhyme absolutely revolting) is a good thing. She doesn't write that though. She'll just secretly hope that Quinn's religious fanaticism will hold until Finn realizes how perfect a certain passionate, kind, driven, star-in-the-making 5 foot 2 brunette is for him.

_Yes. Celibacy is a bad thing that simply isn't logical. Teenagers have raging hormones that drive them too crazy to abstain. It's a fact. 'Let's promise to practice safe sex' would be a much more practical club._

He reads the note quickly and grins wolfishly at her before tucking it in his backpack, and she thinks it's official, Finn Hudson is the most attractive person on the planet.

...

The two are so wrapped up in their own little world that neither of them realize they've caught the attention of the blonde beauty sitting a few rows behind.

Quinn fumes as she watches the _not so subtle_ interaction go on in front of her.

She _knew_ she hated that gender ambiguous freak for a reason.

She scans the room and sees she's the only one watching this disgusting _display_. Everyone's still working on the pop quiz (which _she_, thanks to her high IQ and diligent study habits, just breezed through).

She feels like she's missing something. Like this is a practical joke that she hasn't been let in on.

First Finn told her to apologize to that hook nosed midget, then he'd sat with her outside her house as if they were actually acquaintances or something, and now? And now they're passing notes all _buddy buddy_..

When did this happened? When did _Rupaul_ become a threat?

Her mouth drops as she watches Finn's eyes flick down to Rachel's chest as the Jewish girl scribbles on the piece of paper. She's wearing a black turtleneck for crying out loud and her breasts are the size of the grapes.

Is Finn that desperate for action? She recrosses her legs uncomfortably.

Lately, she's been questioning her celibacy vow. She knows the bible says it's wrong, but if she's honest with herself, she knows pre-marital sex is rampant among teenagers her age and God couldn't send _everyone_ to hell, that would defeat the purpose.

Plus.. sometimes.. she kind of wants to.

Her mind wanders back to the night at the beginning of the year when Noah Puckerman had come over and _something _had almost happened. They'd been flirting, and about to break open the wine coolers, when Finn texted her saying he was coming over because he was 'bummed about epically failing the talent show audition'. Puck had skidaddled immediately after that, not wanting to get caught flirting with his best friend's girl, but there had been something about that night..

Puck had been giving her these _looks _all day at school, like she was a delicious chocolate fudge brownie with whip cream or something, and it had made her feel.. exhilarated.

Quinn didn't want to think about what would have happened if things that night had gone differently. She had been feeling fat that day, and she was always at her weakest when she felt fat.

They'd been about to break open the wine coolers when Puck had had to flee.

After that night she'd stopped talking to him as much, and stopped the dangerous flirting they sometimes engaged in when Finn wasn't looking.

Puck makes her nervous. He's fun and spontaneous and.. smoldering. But he's also a neanderthal and an undeniable Lima loser. Above all, he definitely isn't boyfriend material. But sometimes the looks he gives her (the ones where she feels like a desirable dessert), threaten to crumble the perfect life she's cultivated for herself. Because she knows one mistake with him could ruin everything. And despite the occasional mishap (like this weekend when he beguiled her into singing with him at her party) she's trying to stay her distance.

Her whole life she's strived for perfection. Luckily, she was born beautiful, clever and wealthy, so perfection hasn't been too difficult of a goal.. but still... She has to constantly make sure everything is always going according to plan. And Noah Puckerman has never been apart of that plan, and (her eyes return to stare daggers at the little brunette's back) neither has Rachel Berry.

She needs to come up with something drastic to make sure Finn doesn't feel the compulsion to flirt with miniature transvestites anymore.

...

[Wednesday, afternoon]

Finn's glad Rachel decided on Thursdays for musical practice, because when Wednesday afternoon rolls along, Quinn's asking him for a ride after celibacy club. And there's no way he would've been able to think his way out of that one.

When he opens the passenger door to his truck for her (like a proper gentleman) a gust of wind blows her skirt way up as she steps on the raised platform, and he catches his first glimpse of her underpants ever.

They're white. And lacy...

"Finn," she shrieks, as she loses her balance trying to bring her skirt down.

He's late on the uptake and barely catches her before her ass can crash on the pavement.

She turns around to make sure no one caught her embarrassing moment before angrily climbing into the front seat.

He takes his time walking around the truck to the driver's seat, knowing he's in for it. And he gets it as soon as the ignition turns on.

"I hate this thing," Quinn says angrily, gesturing around the interior of the truck, "Could you be any more proud of the fact that you're a hillbilly from Ohio?"

He backs out of the space aggressively and pulls out of the lot. Not cool Quinn, not cool.

"I'm sorry that not all of our parents make enough money to buy us brand new volkswagon beetles," he raises his voice as he drives cautiously through the streets, he's fed up with this treatment.

The day his grandpa gave him his old 1979 blue half ton chevy truck was one of the best of his life. He knew his mom didn't have much money so when his 16th birthday came around he hadn't been expecting anything. But then she drove him up to his grandparent's farm up in Missouri and there it was waiting for him, with a big red bow and everything. Joe, his gramps, had just retired and didn't need it anymore, so he'd given it to his only grandson.

Finn has a close relationship with his grandparents, and he remembers fishing in the truck with his gramps when he was younger. Quinn putting it down feels like a direct jab at them.

The truck also kinda symbolizes freedom and independence to him. He likes that there's really nothing stopping him from just driving out of this town and never coming back. That idea kinda helps keep him sane when small town life gets to be too much.

"It's your fault for wearing such a stupid balloon skirt on such a windy day," he adds immaturely.

Quinn's face blotches with red spots of anger. He's obviously hit a sore spot.

"Well maybe if you didn't stare at that slut Rachel Berry's short skirts all the time, I wouldn't have felt the need to buy it."

Whoa, that's taking it too far.

"Rachel's not a slut!" he practically shouts, "She's the opposite. Just because she's normal and not waiting till marriage doesn't make her a slut. If you want to see the real definition of slut just look at your two best friends."

"Why are you defending that _thing_?" she screams, this is the first real argument they've ever gotten into, he's usually too passive to fight back, "_I'm_ your girlfriend Finn, in case you forgot." She pauses and her eyes narrow, "And how do you even know she's not waiting until marriage?"

Crap. Now he's done it. Crap crap crap crap...

"Because.. uh.. she.. uh.." he gulps, "she said something about it in English class," he finishes, glancing at his girlfriend at a stop sign.

She's still giving him the death glare, so he keeps talking.

"We were talking about.. uh.. Romeo and Juliet, and she just raised her hand in the middle of class and said that celibacy was.. uh.." he wracks his brain for the phrase, the words on that crumpled piece of paper hidden away in his backpack, "oh yeah, an '_are-chake_ social convention' and uh.. 'anteefeminist'!"

He can tell that this explanation is subsiding Quinn's anger a little bit, and he's really glad that he remembered what Rachel wrote, because he's pretty sure if he hadn't used those big words Quinn definitely wouldn't have believed the lie he just told her.

"Well," she finally says, smoothing out her hair, "Just stop looking at her and paying attention to her. I know teenage boys drool over anything with female genitalia, but just remember she's hardly even female in the first place."

"What if I don't want to? What if she's my friend?"

Quinn looks at him and he thinks her eyes might pop out of her head.

"Fine!" she shouts, her voice getting too loud again, "Be friends with her and kiss your charmed easy life goodbye! Because if you think for one second Puck and the football team and YOUR GIRLFRIEND will tolerate your association with that_ thing_ you're in for a big wake up call-"

"Stop it," he cuts her off, "I was just asking. We're not actually friends. She just lets me copy her notes sometimes."

"Good," Quinn replies, smiling triumphantly.

He sighs as he pulls up in front of her house. This secret is going to be hard to keep.

He unlocks the door and waits for her to get out but instead she places her slim fingers on his hand and squeezes gently. He looks at her.

"Baby?" she asks sweetly (pulling an impressive 180), her long lashes fluttering in that girly way of hers, "We've been fighting too much lately.. I want to make it up to you."

He gives her a confused look before responding.

"Don't think that giving me a bag of sour patch kids is going to fix everything this time Quinn."

She leans closer and gives him a long, slow, hot kiss. He feels his nether regions stir.

"I actually had other things in mind, things you've been waiting very patiently for.." she whispers into his ear smokily, "Come over before the football game friday, I'll have the house to myself again."

By the time he's recovered, his mind is spinning a thousand miles an hour she's waving to him from her front porch. Shit just got really weird really fast.

On the drive home, he can't help but trip over the fact that life can be so boring for so long and then suddenly everything crazy just happens all at once and comes out of smack dab nowhere. The universe is like, fucking with his brain and making it feel like spaghetti.

He knows he should be stoked on life that it seems like his girlfriend is finally ready to take their relationship to the next physical level, but he's just confused.. and scared.

What happens if she finds out he's friends with Rachel and in the musical? Or worse, what happens if she finds out that he _loves_ music and is also going through some phase where he can't stop thinking about Rachel Berry and her nice butt and sparkling eyes and awesome smile (and really, it's just a phase).

He groans when he finally reaches his house. When did everything get so complicated?

...

[Wednesday, evening]

Rachel scrolls through her itunes playlist in an attempt to find inspiration for a new myspace video. She gives up after a few minutes, too distracted to complete her usual daily task.

An unfamiliar sound starts vibrating from her book bag near her bed, and it takes her a second to realize that it's the generic ringtone of her pink rhinestoned blackberry.

The only people who ever call her are her two dads, and they each have their own specially programmed ringtones.

She hops out of her desk chair and hurries to pick it up, extremely curious.

Her heart skips a beat when she's sees Finn's name on the little screen.

"Hello?" she answers, a little breathlessly.

"Hey, it's me," he says, and the velvet tone of his voice sends shivers down her spine, "Finn, I mean."

She laughs a little, "I know," she replies, sitting on her bed nervously.

"Yeah, sorry that was dumb," he mumbles.

There's a short silence. And she swears her heart's beating so loud that Finn _must_ be able to hear it through the telephone.

"I don't know if this is weird," he starts, breaking the silence, "But talking to you the other night was really easy, and I kinda had a weird day and I sorta just wanted to hear your voice.. but this was probably stupid-"

"No!" she says a little too loudly, stopping him before he can hang up, "I'm glad you called- I find it very effortless to converse with you too."

"Cool," he replies, and she can practically hear his smile.

"So what happened to make your day weird?" she asks.

"Just.. I'm really stressed ya know? Like, our last game's on friday and we still totally suck, and if we lose we'll officially have zero, as in -zip, zilch, nada- wins this season. And also, Quinn was being really crappy all day, and then someone like mindwarped her or something because then she got really cool, which just made my head hurt from thinking about it too much. And I don't know, sometimes everything just gets so annoying living in the middle of bumfuck nowhere."

"I totally sympathize," she chirps in right away, "One effective method I use to cope with the stress and monotony of this banal little town is to set aside a couple of minutes each day to simply meditate on my future and how rewarding it will be to finally escape. Because if you think about it, the lower you are on a mountain, the more awe-inspiring and rewarding reaching the peak is. So if anything, we should be grateful for our predicament, because we've been given the opportunity to reach levels of fulfillment and gratitude others haven't."

There's silence on the other line and Rachel hopes she hasn't scared him away. Why doesn't she ever know when to shut that big trap of hers?

"Whoa.." he finally whispers, "That was intense."

She blushes so heatedly that for a second she's frightened he might feel it through the phone, she's holding it so close.

"But I think I almost got half of almost all of it.. and I think that means that maybe some of your smartness has rubbed on me since we've sorta started being friends.. and that's pretty wicked."

She laughs and the tenseness in her shoulders dissipates. He actually likes her talkativeness and uber advanced vocabulary. Character traits she always considered off-putting to most people. She can scarcely believe it.

"I'll interpret wicked as being a positive slang term, and say thanks, I'm glad you think that."

They talk for another hour about nothing in particular and when Rachel finally hangs up the phone all flushed and wide awake with excitement, she thinks this is the happiest she's ever felt.

Which is both strange and wonderful at the same time.

...


	9. burgeoning

Chapter 8. [Early December]

...

[Thursday, afternoon]

Rachel furtively watches the golden couple through the mirror in her compact. She only just found out that Finn's locker is a few rows down from hers (she hardly ever uses her locker as its usually vandalized with various profanities and pornographic pictures, however this new revelation just might make her start).

She reddens as she watches Finn lean down to kiss Quinn. Could they be anymore sickeningly perfect? Seriously though, usually people who're that beautiful only exist in the movies. Is she being physically delusional by thinking she can compete with the angel meets sexbomb that is Quinn Fabray?

She's about to snap the compact shut furiously when Finn's eyes open mid kiss and catch her reflected gaze directly. Her eyes widen and she knows she should be embarrassed at getting caught spying, but the look they're sharing is too intense. When Quinn breaks the kiss because Finn's lips have become totally unresponsive, Rachel takes that as her cue to stuff the mirror in her locker and hurry away before the ice queen can notice her and make a disparaging remark.

Rehearsal starts in 5 minutes anyways, so the 'eye sex' or whatever the kids are calling it these days, between her and Finn can resume then. A pang of guilt stabs her side as she realizes she was just indulging in 'eye sex' with a boy with a girlfriend. Is she really that girl? That homewrecker?

No. The definition of a homewrecker involves the male's reciprocation, and that definitely isn't part of the equation. So what if he's always smiling goofily at her and staring? He's just a really nice, naturally flirtatious guy. A boy like Finn Hudson could never actually be interested in a girl like Rachel Berry.

She enters the auditorium through the backstage door and sits down criss cross applesauce in the middle of the stage. Reaching inside her backpack, she begins removing the personalized color-coded folders and schedules she's made for each member on the stage floor around her.

Heavy footsteps interrupt her task and she lifts her head curiously (Kurt and Mercedes are usually firm believers in the concept of being 'fashionably late').

Her heart flutters when she sees Finn walk through the wings of the stage.

He sure escaped Cruella de Quinn quickly.

He waves his hand at her awkwardly as he walks closer to her.

She smiles at him encouragingly but he doesn't seem to have anything to say. She finds it bizarre that last night they couldn't stop talking on the phone and today it's like they're strangers again. She's suddenly embarrassed.

"I didn't know your locker was next to mine."

His voice echoes a little in the spacious stage.

"Me neither," Rachel responds, taking advantage of this opportunity to cover for her spying earlier, "Imagine my shock at seeing McKinley High's cutest couple making out in the corner of my mirror when I was trying to apply my chapstick."

He stuffs his hands in his pockets in front of her and looks down, abashed.

"Yeah that was.."

"Peculiar?" she offers.

"Yeah.."

He sits down next to her, and the air around them is thick with unspoken emotion and prematurely stilted words.

Then she remembers why they're here and grabs the thick royal blue folder by her knee and hands it to him.

"Thanks," he says, flashing her that trademark lopsided grin (seriously, he should get it patented) at her that sends her stomach in spinning in cartwheels every. single. time.

She's momentarily at a loss for words and he flips through the sheets of paper in the folder quickly.

"Aw hell to the no!"

Mercedes' loud entrance helps Rachel regain control of her vocal chords.

"Sorry," Kurt drawls, explaining for his friend as they walk down the aisles onto the stage, "She just found out I confiscated her technicolor zebra sweatshirt because she wears it too often."

"What'd we miss?" Artie interrupts, as he rolls through the backstage door with Tina's help.

"Nothing," Rachel supplies, hurrying over to him to give him the orange folder and Tina the purple one. After handing the scarlet red folder to Kurt and the lime green folder to Mercedes, she clears her throat to get their attention.

"I hereby commence our first official rehearsal for William McKinley High's spring musical production of West Side Story. I finished the script yesterday and made copies of them for each of you. In your personally organized folder I've also included the the arrangements of all of the songs you'll be singing, scans from key sections of Broadway Dancing for Dummies, and agendas that have your individual rehearsal times for the next month."

Finn looks at her, amazed, "Wow.. you made a special one for all of us?"

"Of course. And it was easy, considering there are only 5 of you. I hope to be a lot more busy in the coming weeks once we figure out an effective method to recruit new members."

Kurt looks down at his agenda.

"So we're doing a read through of the script and a run through of the group songs today?"

Rachel nods.

"Yes, it's essential that you all know exactly how to read and express your lines, and as I've seen West Side Story over a hundred times, I'll be able to instruct you on the proper inflection and stresses you should project in all of the line deliveries. And then in an hour Brad the piano guy will be here to accompany us for the initial trial of the group songs. The jazz band and symphonic orchestra have yet to accept my proposal to collaborate with us on the musical, but I'm sure I will soon come up with an ingenious plan to change that."

"I actually have some pull with the jazz band," Artie pipes up, "I'll probably be able to convince them to play for us at the musical and rehearse sometimes until then."

Rachel beams, "Fantastic! This is all really coming together!" She begins motioning for everyone to sit down around her, "Now let's get in a circle to do the read-through. Riff," she says, pointing to Artie, "Your line!"

...

Finn feels like he's back at summer camp telling ghost stories and making s'mores around the fire. Only he's at school, and these are definitely not the dudes from football camp.

Rachel nudges him in the rib lightly and hisses, "You're Tony!"

He looks down at his sheet and reads his line.

"_You won't dig it Riff_" he says to Artie.

"_So try me. Come on Tony try me._"

"_Okay_," he reads in a flat voice, "_Every single night for the last month i wake up, and I'm reaching out-_"

Rachel puts a hand on his knee to stop him. And stupid stupid _Finn Junior_ stirs a little in his pants.

"No Finn, you're doing it all wrong," she says, totally unaware of what that light touch is doing to him, "You have to imagine that you're actually Tony," she removes her hand to start waving it around to get her point across, "And that you're bored with your current existence but you can sense that something immense and monumental is about to happen to you, it's burgeoning, just under the surface, and you can feel it in the air. But you can't convey exactly what it is you're feeling because it's almost supernatural, and not quite tangible yet."

He nods his head slowly even though he only understood less that half of what she just said.

"So like.. when he meets Maria, everything's gonna change and make stuff less boring, but he doesn't know he's gonna meet Maria yet, he can just feel it, and so he's trying to explain it, but he can't?" he asks.

Rachel smiles proudly, "Exactly."

He says the line again in a voice he hopes sounds full of wonder and excitement and uncertainty, and Rachel nods enthusiastically afterwards so he knows he nailed it.

Artie continues on with the dialogue.

"_For what?_"

"_I don't know._"

"_A dame?_"

He's definitely going to have to google 'dame' when he gets home. Right now he thinks that sounds like a dog, but that doesn't really make sense. He looks at his line and tries to lend his voice a tone of mystery.

"_It's right outside the door, just around the corner, but it's coming_."

"_What is?_"

He blinks in a way that makes it seem like he's coming back to reality.

"_I don't know," _he pauses, "_It's like the kick i used to get from being a Jet_"

Artie smiles and says in his best New York accent.

"_Now you're talking, without a gang you're an orphan._"

They all exchange glances. Somehow, they've sort of become a ragamuffin gang of their own.

...

3 hours later they're done for the day and Finn's sort of waiting around for everyone to leave so he can ask Rachel a private question.

When everyone's finally gone he goes up to Rachel as she puts on her coat.

"Good job," he says, and she turns around from her task in surprise, "That was really fun."

Her face lights up in a huge smile and he can't help but smile in return. Her happiness is definitely contagious.

"Thanks!" she says brightly, "I'm glad. I was a little worried that I was getting too overbearing during the script read-through."

She walks towards the side door backstage and he follows her.

"Yeah you kinda were," her face drops, "But it was good, cuz we need someone to be on us like that if we want to make the musical.. you know, good."

The smile's back and Finn feels better.

"Well I'm happy at least _you_ feel that way."

He's so busy grinning like an idiot to her that he doesn't notice the low hanging beam behind the side curtains and bumps right into it.

"Oh my goodness are you okay?" Rachel rushes over to help him as he rubs his head embarrassedly.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I can be.. clumsy like that sometimes. I'm too tall."

"Don't apologize! Are you sure you're okay?"

He nods his head, even though his forehead is pounding like a bitch.

She looks at him quizzically.

"How tall _are_ you exactly?"

"6 foot 3" he answers.

He doesn't understand why that makes her clap her hands together excitedly.

"That means the height difference between us is precisely 1 foot and 1 inch, and that's the exact height difference there was between Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer, the actors who played Maria and Tony in the film version of West Side Story. It's almost as if we were destined to play these parts together."

"Uhh.. yeah. Or it could just be a coincidence."

She looks at him seriously before saying, "There are no coincidences in show choir."

He chuckles at the way she says it, before opening the door for her so they can leave. As she locks it with the key she has, he asks her the question.

"So I was wondering if you could maybe.. like.. give me voice lessons."

She turns around to face him and her eyes open up really big the way they do sometimes.

"You don't have to," he continues nervously, "I mean, only if you have time, and you wouldn't mind, and I could pay you if you wanted-"

She waves her hand in the air to stop him.

"No, no, of course I will. I'd love to. In fact I'm ecstatic that you're taking the initiative to improve your voice," she pauses, and they start to walk down the stairs in the hallway, "But your voice is quite proficient already, what makes you want to take lessons?"

He shrugs before twisting his head to tell her, "Well that's the only way I could be good like you."

Rachel turns her face to look at him in surprise, and she misses the next step down the stairs.

Finn jumps down to catch her right in time, leaping in front of her so she trips right into his cushioning body.

And now their chests are pressed together and she's leaning against him, her balance not fully recovered.

"I guess you're pretty clumsy too," he says in a low voice, staring at her straight in the eyes.

"Only with you," she whispers.

He knows she could probably support herself now but for some reason he can't let go. It's like her eyes are hypnotizing him or something because he can't move.

...

For a second, time seems to stand still. Her arms are draped over his shoulders and it feels like the bones have disappeared in her body. She feels like Harry Potter after Professor Lockhart put that spell on him after his Quidditch injury.

When she whispers "Only with you," her mortification from tripping doubles. It's like being in close proximity to Finn eliminates the entirety of her logical brain functions so all she can do is make a complete and utter fool of herself.

But he's not looking at her like she's a dork. His eyes darken and there's something in them she's never seen before.

His grip around her back doesn't loosen and her heart thumps wildly.

She can't help but notice how pink his lips are. She thinks they might be the exact shade of soft, pale pink that the inside of the conch shell her Aunt Jade brought her from Florida is. She especially likes how the top one seems to indent a little as it tapers into his mouth (it seems as if this demonstrates that they'd be particularly great at caressing _her_ lips in between that natural crevice).

And then all of a sudden his face is closer to hers. She doesn't know who's leaning in but someone is. And now they're both most definitely leaning in and she's wondering if she's about to have her first kiss. She lets her body fall into his a little as she slowly shuts her eyelids...

...

He can't help it. His face is moving of its own accord. Like she has mind control over him or something because he's so drawn to her it's ridiculous. And now she's closing his eyes and he knows this is bad, this is really bad (for a reason he can't quite remember at the moment), but she's so pretty he can't imagine anything that looks so nice being that bad. Their lips are inches apart, they're moving so achingly slow..

But then she moves her hips to rest on his and _Finn Junior_ wakes up again and it's suddenly like someone splashes a bucket of cold water over his face.

He can't do this. There are a thousand reasons why he can't do this.

He moves his arms from around her and places them on her shoulders to firmly stand her up away from him.

"I just forgot I'm late.. my mom asked me to clean the gutters and she's going to be mad if I don't get home before dark."

She blinks, looking like a deer in headlights.

He starts to speed walk away.

But at the last minute he turns around to say, "I'll text you about the voice lessons okay?"

She just nods wordlessly and he hurries away again.

He blames it all on hitting his head. Yeah, that's it.

But deep down he knows he's making a mess that can't end well.

...


	10. not that girl

Chapter 9. [Early December]

_A/N:_

_To everyone who's story/author alerted this, sorry for the sudden influx of notifications! I re-edited the format of all the chapters and had to re-update them so yeah, that's why that happened._

_I also have a couple things to explain. Some plot hole concerns were raised in a review and I just wanted to address some of those issues because I put a lot of thought into this and really want to make this AU fic as plausible and as seamless of an integration into the Glee world as I can. _

_Firstly, in my 'alternate universe', Puck did not impregnate Quinn, because I assumed they had sex after Finn joined Glee, and since in __this__ universe he wasn't in Glee, he had more time for Quinn, and therefor interrupted that 'night' before it could be consummated. Thus Quinn is not pregnant. I tried to insinuate this in Quinn's flashback but I re-read it and realized how unclear it was. I have since edited that part in the hopes that my 'hints' of the AU backstory are better relayed. And a good way of looking at it, is just think of it as the butterfly effect. Change one thing in the past and a thousand unforeseen consequences can result :)_

_But as far as the other issues asked about: Emma and Sue ARE at WMHS, they've just had no reason to make an appearance in this story (yet). Sue has no pointless vendetta against the kids because they aren't effecting the Cheerios (yet). As you can probably guess, these two __will__ both eventually emerge._

_Also, Shelby implied that she reached out to contact Rachel because she saw Rachel's performance at Sectionals, and obviously as there's no Glee, Rachel never gave that performance, therefor not allowing Shelby to be inspired to contact her (and eliminating Jesse from the picture- yay!). The Kurt/Finn/Carole/Burt stuff will be coming soon (and I did think Kurt's crush on Finn was made pretty apparent during Finn's audition), and there will also eventually be a little Shelby as well, but that's all going to come later._

_But yeah, sorry for this novel of an author's note! And if there are any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask because I don't want there to be any confusion or problems with the believability of this!_

_And to the person who requested cory's funniest interview moment- youtubedotcom/watch?v=eoUiYSys2Mc (and obviously substitute the 'dot' with a '.', ff won't let me post an actual link). I__t starts around the 45 second mark :)_

...

"**some were born to sing the blues."**

...

[Thursday, night]

Later that night when Rachel's tucked comfortably into her four poster bed, she tries to contemplate the chaos she feels she's been thrust into. She's immensely confused. She doesn't know what in the world is going on between her and Finn, but she's not as sad as she knows she should be. Because even though he didn't kiss her, he definitely wanted to, she could tell.

She's still not going to get her hopes up. She knows that's silly. That thinking Finn Hudson would break up with Quinn Fabray for Rachel Berry is borderline insane. That the whole school would go into a frenetic state of pandemonium if that _did_ somehow occur. That's just not the way things work, not in the real world anyways.

But it's okay. Because now she knows that Finn, he feels something for her too And that's enough for now.

...

[Friday, afternoon]

Finn knows Karofsky's ditching English today so when he walks into 6th period he plops in a front row seat right next to Rachel.

She doesn't say anything to him but every once in awhile he catches her staring at him.

He doesn't want things to be awkward because of yesterday after rehearsal. Does she know he almost kissed her? Could she tell? Was that kinda thing obvious to girls? He's not sure.

He thought about it a lot last night, and decided in the end that he'd pretend it never happened. But he still wanted to be friends with her. Like, a lot. Cuz he liked spending time with her and stuff and being around her. Which is why he was sitting next to her in English class.

When class is over and most of the kids are racing out the door ready for the weekend, he walks over to her and helps her shrug on her backpack.

She turns around in surprise and looks at him unsurely and says, "Yes?"

Finn smiles before walking next to her as she makes her way into the hallway, "I was just wondering if you're going to the football game tonight?"

She looks at him like he's an alien from another planet before replying.

"Um.. football games aren't really my thing."

"Why not?" Finn pushes, "This is the last game of the season, and it's going to be really fun."

Rachel glances around uncomfortably.

"Well, I don't really have anyone to go with."

His brows stitch together. Sometimes he forgets Rachel doesn't have friends, and how hard that must be.

"Weren't Mercedes and Kurt talking about going yesterday? Why don't you just go with them?" he asks as they walk out into the parking lot.

He doesn't know why he wants Rachel to go so badly. But for some reason, he wants her to know him, like, who he is as a person, and football's a big part of that person.

Rachel bites her lip, "Kurt and Mercedes don't really like me."

"Well that's dumb," he replies, cuz it is, "But shouldn't, like, 'stars in the making' be okay being by themselves? I mean, if you really don't want to come you don't have to, but I'd really like it if you did."

He follows her to her car, even though his is on the other side of the lot.

She smiles before biting her lip and nodding her head, "You're right. I have enough self esteem and confidence to be totally impervious to what other people think about me. I think I just might show up tonight."

She puts her books in the trunk of her car and he catches a glimpse of the rhinestoned boom box she brought to his audition.

"Awesome," he grins, "Wait.. what does impervee-"

"Impervious means being immune or oblivious to," she answers, reading his mind as she leans against the back of her bubble gum pink mini cooper.

He laughs a little, "And what does oblivious mean?"

"I'll use it in a sentence for you," she looks like she's enjoying her own private joke or something, "Finn Hudson can be unbelievably oblivious sometimes."

He still has no idea what she's talking about, but she's smiling at him, so he'll take that as a compliment.

"Thanks."

She laughs that infectious laugh of hers and says,"Case in point."

She lost him a few sentences back so he doesn't even bother responding this time. He just smiles at her and hopes that's enough.

She smiles back, and he decides he likes this little friendship they have going. It's comfortable even when it's not. If that makes sense.

"Well, I have to go meet Quinn.."

Her smile disappears and she walks over to the driver's side of the car.

"Of course," she answers shortly, "How silly of me to keep you occupied when I know how busy you must be."

"But I'll see you tonight?" he shouts, but she's already slammed the door.

...

She rests her elbow on the window sill and looks at the sky blue truck parked across the street. She can't help but imagine what Finn's doing with her nefarious neighbor in that big suburban house.

After staring for a few minutes she finally tears her gaze from the still building and stops torturing herself. Finn's allowed to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants because she has no claim on him whatsoever. He may have her heart (chained in an indelible grip) but she most certainly does not have his.

She sighs as she sits on her bed and hugs her knees. No one ever told her being in love hurt so much. It seems all her life all she ever does is hurt.

She's still not sure if she should go to the football game. Finn asked her too, which means the world to her, but he'll be playing

It's complicated because her one true love is also her only real friend. So she has two choices, she can either not go and save herself the heartache of seeing him with his cheerleader captain girlfriend on their turf and be a bad friend, or deal with the 'alone in a crowd' feeling watching the boy she loves in the arms of another and be a good friend.

In the end she decides she wants Finn to be happy, and it seemed as if her going would make him happy, so off to the football game she'll go.

...

"You're late."

Finn puts his hands in his pockets and tried not to look guilty.

Quinn rolls her eyes before opening the door wider so he can come in.

"Are you going to explain _why_ you think it's okay to show up late to a date with your girlfriend? Especially when said girlfriend has told you ahead of time that she has something extra special in mind for them to do on said date?"

She leads him into the kitchen and he sits on one of the stools in front of the marble island in the middle as she prepares him the usual after school snack. Microwaveable pizza bagels.

"Um.. well.. Miss Anderson wanted to talk to me about my um.. late essay," he lies.

Quinn raises an eyebrow.

"Miss Anderson is a total creep who should be fired for the same reason Mr. Ryerson was. Brittany's brother says she totally hit on him when he was in her class three years ago. Watch out for her, she seems to have deluded herself into thinking attractive high school boys find washed out 30 year old women who wear too much neon eyeshadow viable love interests."

Finn nods. Quinn has no idea. Puck's already tapped that twice, and Miss Anderson came on to _him_ on just the second day of class. He's managed to avoid offending her by responding flirtatiously even though he made it clear he's off limits. English is the only class he actually has an A in.

"Oh, and I forgot to remind you, the dress rehearsal for the winter celibacy ball is next Thursday afternoon, have you rented a tux yet?"

Crap.

"Umm.. What time is that again?"

"5," she answers curtly, placing the plate of mini pizza bagels in front of him.

He bites the inside of his cheek as he tries to think of a way to get out of it. Musical rehearsals run until 6.

He shoves a couple of the pizza bagels in his mouth to give him some to think.

"Is it okay if I'm a little late?" he finally asks between chews.

Quinn takes out a piece of celery and starts munching on it aggressively.

"No it is most certainly not okay. Why would you be late? Football season's over after tonight, what could you possibly have to do then?"

He stuffs three more pizza bagels into his mouth and tries to think fast. Just when he thinks he's come up with a good excuse, Quinn says, "And _don't_ say chores for your mom because no chore on earth could take over two hours."

He swallows the bits of cheese pepperoni and bagel in his mouth until he finally gets an idea.

"I have a job interview," he says.

Quinn raises a brow and he runs with it.

"Yeah, gas is getting really expensive and stuff and I want to buy this new video game but I'm like totally broke, so I need to get a job. And I have an interview. On Thursday."

Quinn looks at him suspiciously before asking, "Where are you applying?"

He gets defensive as he polishes off the last few pizza bagels.

"Why are you going all Law and Order on me? It's just a job okay! You don't need to know every detail about my life!"

He doesn't like this. The lying, the yelling, the almost cheating.. He's not usually like this, he has morals and stuff and likes to think of himself as a generally good guy. But being in the musical is making him honestly happy for the first time in his sorry life, and he doesn't want to ruin all that by having everyone find out. Because he knows as soon as his friends do, they'll make him quit and that would really really suck.

"Fine," she says, grabbing his hand and leading him upstairs to her room. Before he can get too scared thinking about what she's about to do to him, she pushes him down on her bed and straddles him on the waist.

"Whu- Whu- what are you doing?" he asks shakily, as she leans her head down to kiss his neck, her short cheerleader skirt running up dangerously.

"I told you on Wednesday, I want to reward your patience," she says in between kisses, "You're obviously unsatisfied in this relationship Finn, and I just want to," she kisses his ear, "help you out a little," her hands roll up under his shirt and rest on his pectorals, "Because we are the perfect couple Finn," she whispers again, "You just need reminding of that."

"Wait," he says heavily, putting a hand on her back to stop her, "Are you saying you wanna have sex?"

She sits up suddenly, obviously offended.

"No!" she yells, but then sees the look on his face (why the hell is she leading him on then?) and tries to make up for it, "At least, not yet anyways. For now, let's just," she leans down again and places her hand on the steadily growing bulge in his pants, "experiment."

It only takes another thirty seconds for him to 'erupt' because, well, he kinda has a problem with that. But Quinn doesn't even care (she's kinda used to it by now) and keeps making out with him.

And it's fun, because, like, making out's fun and stuff, but it's not as fun as it usually is.

As he puts one hand on her butt (over the skirt) and the other in her hair, he can't help but think about how much better Rachel's more.. erm.. filled butt, would fit in his big palms, or how soft her silky long brown hair would feel between his fingers. And that's when he knows something's wrong. And he's suddenly not in the mood anymore.

"I have to go," he says, getting off of her suddenly, "Coach wants us at school by 4:30 and I forgot I have to go home and get my.. my deodorant."

She knits her brows together, "Don't you keep all that stuff in your gym locker?"

"I uh.. ran out," he says, practically speed walking out of her bedroom.

...

Rachel's a little late because she kept changing her mind. But in the end she was brave and just got in her car and drove over. Even though it felt like willingly walking into a cage full of lions.

She arrives right just in time for intermission, or 'half-time' as they call it. As she walks along the stuffed stands she tries to look for a seat but they're all stuffed. She's standing alone awkwardly and people are giving her weird looks so she crosses her arms self-consciously and hurries over the concessions stand. A hot pretzel will definitely make her feel better.

When she approaches the line, she sees Kurt and Mercedes near the middle. When they see her too, they wave her over. She suddenly feels really grateful as she walks over to them, and makes a mental note to be less harsh on their less than fabulous acting skills next practice.

"Hey hot mama," Mercedes says when she reaches them. Kurt smiles and nods his head politely (he definitely has the most problems with her for some reason).

"Hi!" she answers, "Is this your guys' first football game too?"

"Mhmmm," Kurt answers, "We decided we should check it out because we don't want to leave high school with any regrets, and going to a high school football game is an essential component to the mid-western high school experience."

Rachel nods in agreement, and asks where Artie and Tina are in reply. She doesn't even hear the answer though because she's just so glad that she's finally found some form of acceptance with some of her McKinley peers.

She looks around and feels the buzzing energy of her fellow students, and decides it is something of an experience, one she almost kind of likes.

...

Finn's running off the field with the rest of the team for half time and back into the locker room.

His eyes dart across the crowded bleachers on the home side but all the people blend together in a blur of colors. The marching band is playing and the lights are blinding and he's smiling to Quinn as she waves her pom poms to him on the edge of the field and everything's going the way it normally does, but something's different.

He turns his head around and looks over the people by the fence. Nope. No pint size brunette there either. He's been looking for her all night, and she has yet to show.

This really upsets him for some reason. Even though he wouldn't be able to talk to her even if she came, he wanted her here, to see him do what he was good at.

They're actually only losing by 1 point, so the game's not hopeless yet. He scans the crowds near the concession stand this time, and sees her back. She's standing with Mercedes and Kurt (he's glad she's not alone), and he wants her to turn around, he wants to smile at her. And it's as if he's sending her a telepathic message or something because she does turn around, and then he does smile at her, and he thinks she looks like she's about to burst from happiness as this acknowledgment as she energetically waves back.

"Dude what the fuck?" Azimio shouts over to him, "Why is Berry waving at you?"

"Uh.." Finn answers, avoiding her gaze quickly, "I dunno. She's crazy, right?"

He feels terribly the second he says it but it just comes out. It's what he's expected to say, it's what he has to say to not get mauled.

...

There's three minutes left to the game and Rachel's decided that football is impossibly boring. All the players just run around and tackle each other and every once in awhile the stadium bursts into cheers or boos (she can't contribute to these as she hasn't yet figured out the intricacies of the game).

But it doesn't really matter because she spends most of the time sitting on the bench (next to Mercedes and Kurt) thinking about Finn's smile. When she had turned around to see why the people around her were hollering, Finn had been staring right at her, and then he'd given her that one of a kind grin that made her melt. And it had been so amazing, like, that smile had made her feel that for once in her life someone besides herself and her dads found her special.

She was ignoring the fact that as soon as she waved he'd averted his eyes and looked the other way. She knew he was busy and had a lot on his mind, so she wasn't going to take it personally.

All of a sudden everyone around her gets on their feet and starts screaming. She assumes something important is happening. And then she watches Finn (the only player she can recognize, he's #5) throw the ball really really far (wow he's strong) to another player who's running running running and now he's crossed the line and she looks at the scoreboard and the 'home' score is the highest so apparently they've won.

She starts jumping up and down and clapping her hands because Finn's been so worried about this and now he won't have to feel like the football team's a joke anymore.

Twenty minutes later the hubbub's dimmed down, and she's saying goodbye to Mercedes and Kurt (she parked at the lot on the other side of the school).

While she navigates her way through the quieter school buildings she decides she's glad she came. Finn is quite a force on the football field, and there was so much commotion after the win she didn't even have to worry about seeing him and Quinn lip lock in celebration afterwards.

As she approaches the PE buildings, she hears a lot of ruckus and she realizes she's close to the boys locker room.

She wishes vaguely that he would come out, just him, so she could say congratulations to him as a friend and tell him how proud she is of him.

It's as if someone 'up there' is listening because the next second she hears a faint "Yo Finnegan, where ya goin?" and then Finn's voice explaining, "My car, I forgot to bring my shirt," and then all of a sudden he's a couple yards in front of her.

"Finn!" she squeaks, and he turns around in surprise.

She doesn't know what possesses her, but he just looks so.. incredible, standing there under the dim orange glow of the school lamps, his hair all tousled and his face flushed with sweat, with his white thermal shirt and football pants and his eyes so happy from the win. So for some reason when he turns around and looks at her she's overcome with this need to congratulate him and be close to him so she runs up to him and jumps up a little to hug him.

"Whoa, whoa.." he says quietly, pushing her off him, "What are you doing? The guys are right inside.."

She tries to not look hurt, "I know.. I'm sorry, it's just.. you were really amazing out there.. and.." he grabs her hand and pulls her into a shadowed corner, where they're not in broad view.

Her voice trails off. Would it be that big of a deal if one of his moronic caveman buddies caught them talking? She thought they were friends, and she knows he wants to keep his involvement in the musical a secret, but this makes her feel like some dirty secret or something.

"Why are you here?" he asks accusingly, as if he thinks she was stalking him and waiting outside the locker room for him like some pathetic groupie.

Rachel Berry might be a little.. obsessive, but she does have self-dignity. She knows she might be.. less than subtle.. about the torch she carries for him, but that doesn't give him the right to assume she's this desperate psycho stalker.

She looks straight into his barely visible face and clenches her fists.

"Believe it or not I was just walking to my car Finn," she says angrily, "And you were the one who was so insistent I come in the first place if you don't recall. But obviously you're so paranoid that one of your pre-historic imbecile friends will find out you associate with a nobody, that you can't even appreciate the fact that I did something I really didn't want to do _for you_, as a friend."

He looks guilty, but doesn't say anything,so she storms away in typical, dramatic Rachel Berry fashion. And he doesn't even call out after her to apologize.

She fumes with anger and hurt as she marches to her car. If Finn won't even let himself be seen talking to her, why would he ever actually want to date her?

...

He feels like the biggest jackass on the planet for the rest of the night. He can't even enjoy the free ice cream sundae he gets along with the rest of the dudes at Denny's afterwards. It tastes like tar in his mouth because he just feels so shitty about what he just did. Or didn't do, to be exact.

He hopes Rachel will understand. Understand that this is just the way things are, the way they have to be.

...

The second she gets home she knows exactly what song she needs to sing for her overdue myspace video. Her dads know something's wrong as soon as she walks in the door but she just tells them she's not hungry and had a bad day so they leave her alone.

As she heads up the stairs towards her room, she has to stop to get some air to her lungs. Even though she's in stellar shape, her chest hurts from the deep breaths she keeps taking (they're a well practiced measure to prevent her from weeping like a two year old).

After setting everything up she launches into the most heartfelt song she's sung in years.

"_Hands touch, eyes meet_

_Sudden silence, sudden heat_

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl_

_He could be that boy_

_But I'm not that girl:_

_Don't dream too far_

_Don't lose sight of who you are_

_Don't remember that rush of joy_

_He could be that boy_

_I'm not that girl_

_Ev'ry so often we long to steal_

_To the land of what-might-have-been_

_But that doesn't soften the ache we feel_

_When reality sets back in_

_Blithe smile, lithe limb_

_She who's winsome, she wins him_

_Gold hair with a gentle curl_

_That's the girl he chose_

_And Heaven knows_

_I'm not that girl."_

The waterworks have officially commenced.

"_Don't wish, don't start_

_Wishing only wounds the heart_

_I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl_

_There's a girl I know_

_He loves her so_

_I'm not that girl."_

When she finishes recording it, she packs up her tri-pod methodically. The ritual of making these videos calms her.

She heads to her bathroom and draws a bath, deciding that she'll try to wash away her pain with the tub of hot water.

So what if she'll spend her whole life pining for a boy who will never reciprocate her feelings? Always yearning for a love that can never be. There's almost a certain beauty to that: that quintessential tragic story of unrequited love. Maybe she'll write a gripping autobiography about it when she's famous.

...


	11. reckless

Chapter 10. [Early December]

_A/N:_

_So I know this story is progressing at a pretty slow pace, but it's going to be an extremely long fic (the arc is currently planned for about 40 chapters and is constantly increasing) and I love developing the Finn & Rachel relationship from scratch so yeah. There WILL be lots of wonderful fluff and romance in the future, but it's just going to take a little angst first to get there. Finn is not going to stop being a dolt anytime soon because I want to stay as close to character as possible and we all know it took him forever to realize and act upon his true feelings for Rachel on the show._

_And also I just want to give a big thank you to everyone who's reading (and extra love to those who are reviewing!) and being patient with it. The good stuff is coming I promise and it'll be (in my humble opinion) AWESOME :)_

...

[Thursday, afternoon]

Rachel's been avoiding him all week. Giving him a taste of his own medicine. He texted her a couple times over the weekend, saying he was sorry about what happened at the football game, and she'd ignored them.

But as mad as she is, she's still relieved when he walks into the auditorium for rehearsal. Because he's still Tony, and without him, the musical's chances of actually being produced would go down the toilet.

"So," she begins, "As you all should know from your schedules, today we're going to begin by going over all of the basic dance skills we have to master for this to be a passable production."

Kurt looks at her dubiously and questions, "Those being..?"

"You know, rudimentary level stuff like single pirouettes, chasses, battements, and jetes."

Finn's face goes blank, "I have no idea what that means."

"Well luckily I prepared for that," Rachel retorts, sliding a heavy black dictionary towards him, "I'm tired of you interrupting rehearsals because of your limited vocabulary. Try keeping up with the 10th grade literacy level."

She hears Mercedes whisper to Kurt in an aghast voice, "Oh no she didn't" and she doesn't even care because she's so mad.

She walks to the front of the stage and begins teaching the first steps of the dance sequence. After demonstrating the moves for a few minutes, she turns around and tells them do it without her help.

"And 5, 6, 7, 8!"

Her eyes are immediately drawn to Finn as he does all the wrong moves at all the wrong times in all the wrong ways. He's so bad it's hilarious, and for a second she forgets that she's mad at him and has to cover her mouth with her hand to muffle the laughter. His dancing is positively atrocious.

When they've finished she tells everyone to take a five minute break, everyone except for Finn.

He looks hopeful when she walks up to him, as if he thinks she'll start talking to him again. But this is purely professional.

"Alright Finn, you need to spend those five minutes going over everything I just taught you guys, because you're miles behind everyone else as far as dancing goes."

His face falls at the statement.

"Well I've never danced before," he explains, "but maybe you could help me with my dancing when we practice singing together? Which by the way we still need to set up a date for-"

"I changed my mind," she interrupts, "You obviously think the only time we spend together should be restricted to these rehearsals, because God forbid someone actually finding out that you tolerate me, and extra singing and dancing lessons with _me_ might hazard your image at this school."

He looks like he was just slapped.

"Come on Rach," he finally says quietly, "Don't be like that."

"Be like what?" she asks, "I thought I was doing you a favor. Now back to the dance moves.."

"I wish you'd just let me explain-"

"So it's a step ball change," she interrupts, turning around and not giving him the chance to finish, "not a step step step."

She shows him the difference and he imitates her quietly, totally shut down.

For a second, just for a second, she feels a little bad. Probably because the look on his face is just so downtrodden. But she reminds herself that she's Rachel Barbra Berry, and she can't let anyone take advantage of her, even if they possess her heart in its entirety.

...

[Thursday, evening]

He rings the doorbell nervously. He knows she's mad. She was extra harsh to him at rehearsal, and he thinks it's one of those things when a girl gets mad about one thing but pretends it's about something else. Because she never yelled at him when he asked her about word definitions before.

He sees her peek out of the curtain of the window next to the door and he waves awkwardly. She gives him a dirty look, closes the curtain, and doesn't open the door.

He rings the doorbell again. She hasn't been responding to his texts so he knows this is the only way he can make things right again.

He was a jerk. He knows it. And seeing her new myspace video about the girl liking the guy who had the golden haired girlfriend made him feel even worse.

He thought she'd get why her showing up at the boy's locker room was a bad idea because he told her he didn't want people finding out about him being in the musical and everything. But she obviously didn't. And then he hadn't handled things very well and it had all ended up yucky and not the way he wanted things to be.

Not having her to talk to has really gotten him down more than he'd thought it would. He likes Rachel, she's awesome, even though he's the only one who can see that. And this past week, not having her to talk to has been kinda tough. And it's weird cuz, they've only known each other for a little while, but sometimes he feels like she's the only person he can be his real self around. And he's been missing that. So he's here to fix things between them.

He starts ringing the doorbell over and over and over in a way he knows can be really annoying.

She opens the door a crack and glares at him.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd desist and take the hint and leave," she says.

"Not until you let me say I'm sorry."

She opens the door a little wider, and leans against the door post while crossing her arms.

"Okay so.." he starts, and of course the stuff he planned on saying on his way over completely disappears, "I know what I did last week at the football game was.."

"Appallingly rude? Horrifically inconsiderate? Repulsive and downright mean?"

"I was gonna say lame but yeah all that stuff works too. Cuz I suck."

She nods her head in agreement.

"Can I come in?" he asks uncertainly, "I had more to say I just can't remember it all right now".

She gives him a long hard look before opening the door all the way.

She leads him to her a living room and takes a seat on the big couch, indian style, and grabs a pillow to fidget with on her lap. He takes a seat on the opposite side of the couch and faces her.

...

"Alright," she says, clutching the pillows nervously, "Do you remember what you have to say now?"

He clears his throat.

"I was a total dickmunch to you last week, and you didn't deserve that at all. I should have been thanking you for coming to the game instead, because that was really brave and stuff. It's just.. Quinn's been on me about you ever since she saw us together outside your house that one night, and like, she sorta has the right to, because, well, something weird happens when I'm with you and I know I shouldn't get like that but I do and-"

She stops him before he can continue, misconstruing his words.

"It's okay Finn, I understand completely. Don't you think I know what the other kids say about me? How much they make fun of me? I get it Finn, you're too cool to let yourself be seen with me. I don't know why I ever expected anything else, I mean, I'm the biggest loser at the school, and I have a fat ugly nose. Why would the most popular guy at school who's already dating the prettiest girl in the county, be interested in someone like me?"

"No Rachel you've got it all wrong. I was a jerk to you the other day because I'm afraid of my friends finding out that I joined the musical. Did you know the football team shaved off Benjamin Crawford's eyebrows the other day because we found out he watched Grey's Anatomy?" Finn pauses to shudder, "I like my eyebrows you know?"

Rachel laughs shakily.

Finn takes this as encouragement.

"I guess I thought that me hanging out with you would bring up too many questions, and I'm not good at lying or coming up with excuses on the spot. But all that other stuff you said? Totally not true. You're like, the most talented person I know. And not only that, but.. you're really hot Rachel."

She looks into his half-moon shaped dark amber eyes. They're so full of sincerity.

"I am?"

No one's ever told her that before.

...

"Yeah," he continues, "I mean, I never really noticed you before because you're really tiny and I'm really big, so everyone over a foot shorter than me usually just goes right past my radar. But like, seriously Rach, your body is smokin', and you have these really big pretty brown eyes that are really easy to get lost in and..." he pauses, taking a deep breath, "all that is not making it easier to be around you and be a good boyfriend to Quinn.. so maybe I've been sorta afraid of myself too..."

He looks away, embarrassed about his word vomit. Why doesn't he ever know when to stop talking?

...

She can't help it, she's forgiven him. His sweet words and young naivete are just too persuasive. And he almost, in his cute roundabout boy of few words type way, just admitted his feelings for her.

Rachel suddenly realizes how close they are. They're sitting directly across from each other, and there's definitely some sort of.. electricity, between them. A stray thought (her dads are in Dayton for a dinner party and won't be home until late) randomly, or not so randomly, pops up in her head.

Before the filter regulating brain to mouth communication can even flicker on, the words are out of her mouth.

"You know you can kiss me if you want to."

Oh my god. Did she really just say that? How mortifying could she be?

Finn looks at her seriously, quickly glancing at her lips.

"I want to."

And all of a sudden he's scooting closer to her, so that their knees are touching. And now his head's moving down, oh so slowly, and she's seeing his face super up close and personal for the first time so that she can count each and everyone of his adorable freckles and she can't get over how flawless he is. One of his hands reaches behind her back to pull her closer and the other rests on her thigh lightly. She can't believe this is happening, she's never kissed a boy before, she has no idea what it's going to be like. And suddenly his lips are nestling on hers, and her eyes are still open because she's still freaking out a little bit. But then she realizes how good this feels, almost like she's floating, like his lips are giving her some drug that makes her feel as high as the sky, and she closes her eyes as he opens his mouth to kiss her again, a little firmer this time.

It's the sweetest thing she's ever experienced and all she knows is she never wants it to end. But then his hand is gripping her thigh tightly as he breaks the kiss, and she doesn't understand why there's a pained expression on his face and why his mouth's wide open or why he's jumping off the bed and hurrying towards the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" she thinks her heart might just break in two, "Did I- Did I do something wrong?"

"No-" he says, turning around but avoiding her eyes as he pulls his striped sweater down, "Just don't, don't tell anyone about this okay?"

And with that he's gone, and she's sobbing into her hands within three seconds of his departure. Why would she tell a guy with a girlfriend he could kiss her? Why would he ruin such a perfect moment by running away? Yes, it had been a rash decision, but it had felt so organic, it had felt like the right thing to do after all that had said between them.

She cries harder. Why is she torturing herself like this? Why is love making her so blind and stupid and reckless?

...

Finn begins to hyperventilate on his drive back home.

What just happened? Did he honestly just come in his pants after kissing her for seconds? Yeah he has a problem with 'arriving too early', but that's only an issue if Quinn is teasing his boxers with her knees while they're making out in the jacuzzi or something. He and Rachel didn't even use any _tongue_. What's wrong with him? Does he need to go see Dr. Donovan about this?

No, no. He shakes his head to try to reassure himself. It just happened because Rachel is really pretty, and he'd been really nervous because he was cheating on his girlfriend. And also because Rachel's body is like, maybe the hottest at William McKinley. She just caught him off guard, that's all..

But also.. there's just something about _her_.

He can't get a boner just by looking at Quinn (unless she's bending over in a really low cut shirt that shows part of her boobs or something), but all it takes from Rachel is a smile, or her hand combing through her hair, or even just one of those damn little skirts that bounce when she walks- to wake that little fellow right up. It's getting to be a real hassle.

He grips his steering wheel angrily as he realizes he just fucked this up with Rachel _again_. He doesn't know if she could tell what was going on, but either way, she's going to think he's a moron or an ass. But she was the one who'd asked him to kiss her. And at that moment there was nothing he'd wanted to do more than kiss her. So he had. But it had been stupid stupid stupid and now everything was ruined. Again.

...


	12. stuck

Chapter 11.

_A/N:_

_Song credit- Jeff Buckley's 'We all fall in love sometimes'._

...

"**wheels go round and round, you're on my mind."**

...

[Thursday, night]

He can't stop thinking about that kiss. He blames it for why he can't fall asleep. It was just... something else. Her full lips had just been so soft and it had sent his head spinning and his pulse pounding like nothing else ever had.

But he doesn't like her. He really doesn't. It's just her stupid voice. She's just like a.. a.. what are those things called in greek mythology that his history teacher was talking about the other day? Those things that sing to men on the sea and bewitch them so they drown? Oh yeah, sirens! She's like a seductive siren who's voice just bewitches him. He can't help it, it's not his fault. Really, it's not.

...

She wipes the tears from her face and pops Funny Girl into the dvd player. Her dads still aren't home so she's using the empty house to wallow in her sorrow.

As she carries a carton of cookie dough ice cream and a plate of brownies to the living room, she can't help but feel like one of those pitiful girls in those cheesy movies, the ones who always turn to sugar and sad films to recover from break-ups. The only difference is, she was never dating Finn to begin with.

The credits roll and she digs out a gigantic scoop of the delicious frozen treat, but it tastes like wax in her mouth. She puts the carton back on the coffee table, and looks down at the couch around her. It was right here where Finn _kissed_ her, just hours earlier. And she had invited him to, knowing full well that he was taken.

Why would he have run away like that? As if she was the bubonic plague or something? It might have been the most humiliating moment of her life. She doesn't know how she'll ever be able to face him again.

But even though she's so embarrassed and so furious at him, she doesn't want things to go back to the way they were last week. Ignoring him was no fun at all and it didn't make her feel any better about anything either. Being mean to him didn't get him to dump Quinn for her or diminish her colossal crush on him (although she has suspicions that this might go beyond a simple schoolgirl crush), it just made her feel small and immature. But she doesn't know what else to do. The way he raced out of her house... maybe he's through with her, maybe he's through with the musical.

At this new thought sobs wrack her body again and she cries into the couch pillow. What if Finn never talks to her again? She thinks she might physically collapse from a broken heart...

She carries no misconceptions about herself. She knows she can be.. intense. But this, her feelings for Finn, is something else entirely. She spends most of her free time day dreaming he'll ask her to elope with him for crying out loud. And one month ago, Rachel Berry would not have condoned any form of high school marriage. But meeting Finn has changed everything.

And now she doesn't know where they go from here.

...

[Friday, afternoon]

It's raining like crazy, one of those real storms where bits of hail are thrown in too, so he has to run to his car to stop from getting totally soaked.

She's mad at him. Like she should be. He smiled at her when he walked by her in the hallway today and she turned beet red before turning around and hurrying away in the opposite direction.

After he drives out of the parking lot he catches sight of some red argyle on the sidewalk and immediately makes a U-turn.

He moves the car and drives next to her, rolling down the passenger window.

"Here, let me give you a lift!" he shouts.

She pretends she can't hear him and keeps walking on. He gets the feeling she's still mad.

"I'm sorry Rach, about yesterday, get in the car and we can like.. talk about it or something."

He's driving a mile and a half per hour to keep her pace as she walks along the sidewalk. The rains pouring all around her and she's using her pink back-pack as a make-shift umbrella (he thinks it's really cute the way she's holding it on the top of her hair like a hat).

She turns towards him (even through the rain he can tell she's blushing again).

"After yesterday I'm getting the impression that you'd rather not be within a couple square feet of me, so you can save your chivalry for someone who you could actually be genuine with it. Furthermore, it was just an unlucky day for me to walk to school, but I don't mind trekking my way through this weather because its almost a metaphor for the storm that this world is constantly inundating me with and-"

"Rachel!" he stops her, "Just get in the car!"

She ignores him steadily, staring straight ahead even though he's practically screaming at her at the top of his lungs against the blasting raindrops.

He sighs exasperatedly, but then he gets an idea.

"If you spend any more time in the cold rain you're going to catch a cold and then you won't be able to sing."

She stops. Jackpot.

Turning her head to look at him angrily, she hurries into his truck and slams the door. She looks out the window as she shivers from the cold, as if not seeing him will mean that she didn't give in.

He grabs the quilt he keeps in the backseat and awkwardly tries to put it around her without touching her. He can't help but notice how her wet hair curls into these really soft looking waves, and suddenly he's hypnotized by the rain drops on her neck.

She turns to look at him suddenly, waking him up from his distraction, "What?"

Somehow, her eyes look even bigger now that her hair is all stuck prettily to her face.

"Nothing," he mumbles, before putting his feet on the gas and driving the car forward into the rain.

...

She's never been in his car before. It's a chevy, and it looks vintage, but she can't really tell for sure.

It's perfect for him, she decides. Big and lunky, with chipped paint and comfy seats, it's a beauty in a 'good ole days' type of way, but it has no pretenses about what it is (it's also blue, and she's figured out that blue's his favorite color by the fact that he wears it almost every day). She inhales a deep breath of the warm air inside. It smells like a mixture of his aftershave, and some nice, earthy scent she can't really place. The seats are cracked, tan vinyl, but soft from wear, and cozy. She likes it.

But it's too quiet.

"Do you mind if I put a CD in?" she asks quietly, "I'd let you put one of yours in but I'm not really in the mood for 80's rock, which is the selection of music your taste seem to be confined to."

...

He nods his head to give her the go ahead, and laughs a little when he sees her open one of her binders and turns to a divider filled with plastic sheets encasing CDs. She flips through them quickly until she finally settles on a choice.

"This is a self made compilation of my favorite songs of Jeff Buckley's. He had a rare 4 octave vocal range which was incredibly ethereal and inspiring, and he's probably one of my favorite male vocalists of all time. Unfortunately, he tragically drowned in a river in a Mississippi at the young age of 30 and the fact that his music catalogue was cut short so horrifically is one of the greatest musical travesties of this age. You're probably familiar with his song 'Hallelujah' since it's emotionally raw and evocative and exploited by the film and television industry to induce an emotional response in their audiences, but he has many other equally brilliant songs and I know you well enough to realize that you'll be more open to expanding your taste in music with the likes of him rather than the soundtrack to Annie. So here you go."

The only 'Hallelujah' song he knows is the one he used to sing at church back in the days when his mom dragged him every Sunday. But he doesn't tell Rachel that. Let her assume his taste in music isn't 'confined to 80's rock'.

He sometimes wishes she wouldn't use quite so many big words and go on for quite so long. It makes it so that he can only really catch bits of her energetic speeches to him.

She pops in the CD into his player and some quiet, simple sort of random steel guitar strumming starts playing.

He's surprised, because this doesn't sound like the super theatrical stuff he thought Rachel was exclusively devoted to.

_Wise men say_

_It looks like rain today_

_It crackled on the speakers_

_And trickled down the sleepy subway trains_

_For heavy eyes could hardly hold us_

_Aching legs that often told us_

_It's all worth it_

_We all fall in love sometimes_

He thinks it's really subtle. Like, the guy's voice is really quiet but really strong and nice at the same time. And there's hardly any instrumental, so it's really stripped down and stuff, but that makes it all the more intriguing.

_The full moon's bright_

_And starlight filled the evening_

_We wrote it and I played it_

_But something happened it's so strange this feeling_

_Naive notions that were childish_

_Simple tunes that tried to hide it_

_But when it comes_

_We all fall in love sometimes_

Finn tries to figure out what the dude's talking about. The lyrics are more complicated than the stuff he's used to listening to. Is it that we all, as in people in general, can't help it when we fall in love? The way he sings it makes it seem as if love's something that comes to you out of the blue, randomly and surprisingly, and that it's unavoidable.

He pauses to think about this. Is Rachel trying to tell him something?

_Didn't we? did we? should we? could we?_

_I'm not sure but sometimes we're so blind_

_Struggling through the day_

_When even your best friends say_

_Don't you find?_

_We all fall in love sometimes_

He's pretty sure he gets it, the whole emotional part to his music that she was talking about? Because when this guy's voice get's louder and all full of angst and yearning at the whole 'don't you find' part, you can practically feel the pain he's feeling.

_hmmm..._

_Oh, yeah.._

_And only passing time_

_Could kill the boredom we acquired_

_Running with the losers for a while_

_And our empty sky was filled with laughter_

_Just before the flood_

_Painting worried faces with a smile_

Wow.. this is a really good song.

_Wise men say_

_It looks like rain today_

_It crackled on the speakers_

_And trickled down the sleepy subway trains_

_For heavy eyes could hardly hold us_

_Aching legs that often told us_

_It's all worth it_

_We all fall in love sometimes_

_oh oh oh..._

_We all fall in love some times..._

...

He sneaks a glance at her that she's pretty sure he thinks is smooth but definitely isn't. She needs to teach this boy some lessons in the art of stealth. She's caught him staring at her butt before comically giving himself whiplash looking in the opposite direction wayyy too many times.

She isn't showing her humor though, because she's still mortified to be in his presence. But she's anxious to know what he thinks about her music selection (also if he wants to do some explaining on what went on yesterday that'd be nice too).

Jeff Buckley's pretty much been the soundtrack to her tears ever since she discovered 'Hallelujah' after hearing it in the first Shrek movie and doing some research immediately after. Which is a long time.

She notices that he's blinking in a funny way.

"So what do you think?" she finally blurts.

He clears his throat.

"Can you burn me one too?"

She smiles to herself and nods sharply.

"You can just have this one," she adds practically.

He looks over at her and gives her one of those smiles that bring a lump to her throat every. single. time.

She looks out the window. She knows she's blushing and she_ hates _that he can incite such an immediate physical response from her just by_ smiling _at her. It's pathetic. What's wrong with her? She never knew she could act like such a lovesick fool.

The rain is falling steadily all around them and the windshield wiper is moving back and forth like crazy. But the car's nice and warm, and she's slowly drying off. She feels good, safe.

"I love the rain," she says, breaking the silence.

She knows things should still be awkward, or that at the very least she should be give him a hard time, but she just can't. He's too sweet, too tentative, too.. _attractive. _And they're peculiarly comfortable around each other.

He gives her an odd look, as if she just said something totally unexpected.

"No way.." he says softly, "me too!"

She laughs a little, "Really?"

They've reached a stoplight, and he gestures to the down pour around them.

"Well, not when it's raining this hard, but when it's drizzling? I think that's like, my #1 favorite weather, even more than sunshine with fluffy clouds."

Rachel laughs a little harder. He's so funny and he doesn't even try to be.

"Why?" she likes that they've found a common interest.

He thinks for a second as the light turns green and he presses the gas.

"I think it's the smell, and the way the world sort of seems cleaner when it rains, all refreshed and stuff. And you can still go outside without an umbrella because it's a really soft rain.."

Rachel smiles up at him, "Wow.." she says quietly, "That was almost poetic."

...

He pulls up to her house and parks in front.

"So.." he starts, turning to look at her before she can collect her things and get out of the car, "Can we be friends again?"

She looks at him seriously and asks softly, "And pretend like the event that ensued yesterday never happened?"

"Yeah," he answers, turning to stare furiously at his steering wheel.

"And pretend that that kiss wasn't real?" her voice is barely above a whisper now.

"Yeah," he says again, looking out his window because he feels so bad and can't face her.

"Fine," she answers shortly, "I was only fooling myself anyways."

She says the last part so quietly that he's not sure if he was meant to hear it.

She packs up her things, and runs out of the car, dodging rain drops as she hurries to her front door.

He's suddenly stricken with the urge to follow her, to tell her that he knows too how real that kiss was, and how he doesn't want to be just friends.

But then he looks across the street to Quinn's house. He knows she has cheerleading practice after school today, but it would really suck if she came back early and saw him parked in front of Rachel's.

He grips his steering angrily and starts hitting his head repeatedly against his head rest.

...

Rachel hurries into her room and changes out of her wet clothes. Shrugging on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt, she leaps onto her bed and snuggles under the covers. She's shivering, and she's not sure if it's from the cold or the cascading emotions.

She doesn't know if she'll be able to hide her feelings around him, pretend that being just friends is enough. But she has to, because Finn as a platonic friend is better than no Finn at all.

She listens to the raindrops crash against the roof and closes her eyes.

She knows the reason she got so mad at him is because the passion she has for Finn is so strong that it manifests itself in strange ways. They say there's a fine line between love and hate. And she's so frustrated at Finn right now for being so cowardly and ignorant to what's right in front of him that she almost thinks that she hates him a little bit too. But most of all, she thinks she hates him because he's so wonderful and adorable and sweet and handsome and good-natured and perfect. She hates that all of these things have made her fall in love with him.

...

When he gets home, he realizes that he can't even remember driving back because his thoughts were so.. _fixated_ on Rachel. He just can't get her out of his head, no matter how badly he wants to. It's like she glued herself in there with something permanent, and now she's stuck, for good.

This is bad. This is really really bad. He thinks he might be falling for Rachel Berry.

...


	13. inside out and upside down

Chapter 12. (Mid December)

_A/N: _

_Sorry for the delayed update! Things have been a little hectic lately and I wasn't able to find the time to write. Updates are probably in general going to take a little longer from now on though, but hopefully there won't be any more week long waits._

...

[Wednesday, night]

Finn lies on his bed and stares at the ceiling pointlessly. He's been doing this for the last hour, and he hasn't gotten anywhere. He doesn't know why he thought the ceiling might have the answer, but now he's lost an hour of his life he's never gonna get back all because of these _girls_, that are screwing with his head.

On the one hand, there's Quinn. She's the hottest girl he's ever seen in real life, and although she's not the nicest person in the world, she does have her moments. Plus, she's really popular, and together, they're like the perfect couple. At least, that's what everyone's always telling him.

And then there's Rachel.

He thinks she's forgiven him for all that stuff that happened last week, but he's not sure. Girls can be so hard to read sometimes.

But things are okay with them. They've been texting a lot, cuz they're friends and all. But he thinks he might want to be more than friends. There's just something about her... she's like no girl he's ever met before. Hell, she's like no person he's ever met before. And yeah, that's scary as shit, but it's also really... hot. Somehow. In a way he can't quite explain.

But being with Quinn is so much simpler. It's what everyone expects, it's the natural order of things. And if he dumps her for Rachel? Wow.. He'd never see or hear the end of it. The guys on the football team would go absolutely berserk. They'd start asking questions, and sooner or later they'd figure out they met because he's in the musical, and then he'd be in serious deep shit. Like, seriously.

But Rachel... he can't help but think she's almost worth it. At least, it seems like she would be, and he really really wants to find out. When they kissed.. hands down best. kiss. of. all. time. Actually, it was the best experience with a girl he'd ever had. Period. Even though Quinn had let him go farther. Because, with Rachel? It was just something else entirely. That kiss had almost been like having the best heart attack ever.

That's actually a great way to describe being with Rachel in general. The best heart attack ever. Because she's like this fireball of energy that can be kind of scary and make you freak out a little bit but in a really really good way.

And then he remembers when Ben Marshall decided to date that girl from chess club and never lived it down. He was slushie'd every day for a week until he broke up with her and 'regained the right to call himself a man', as Puck had phrased it.

And she was nowhere near as uncool as Rachel is. High school's harsh man, and he doesn't know if he has the guts to stand on the bottom of the pyramid.

And this is how it's been going, back and forth, push and pull, for the last hour.

His thinking session (which is something he does not do very often) is interrupted when his phone vibrates.

He pulls it out from his jean pocket and sees a text message from Puck.

**Puck: So you up for chillin by the 7-11 tomorrow night till someone buys us beer for the weekend?**

He groans inwardly. This is so not what he needs right now.

**Finn: Sorry I can't, I have a lot of shit to do.**

His phone buzzes again a minute later.

**Puck: Dude, what's up with you? You've been MIA for the last few weeks.**

He looks down at his cell phone and realizes that he hasn't been keeping up with his usual social schedule since joining the musical. He's been too swamped with trying to get the 'high B' down, practicing dance steps, and, well, thinking about Rachel.

**Finn: Yeah sorry man, I'm doing crappy in a lot of classes and my mom told me I needed to study more before going out. **

He hopes his best friend will buy it.

**Puck: But you've always been shit at school. Since when does your mom care?**

He bites the inside of his cheek and hopes Puck will buy it.

**Finn: Since a few weeks ago. I gotta go, math quiz tomorrow..**

He rolls over onto his stomach and lets out another groan. His life used to be so simple. No lies, no conflicted feelings over girls... Now everything's upside down and inside out and he doesn't know how to set it right. But he does know one thing, he's happy doing the musical, and he wouldn't go back to the way things used to be for anything.

...

Puck grits his teeth angrily. Something's up. He can tell, and he needs to do something about it. A lightbulb flicks on his head and he sends a new text message, this time, to Quinn.

Puck: Meet me at Sonic in 10 minutes? Your boyfriend's being a 'tard and we need to figure out what the fuck is going on with him.

He's so not waiting for her to respond like a little girl (he darts for his phone when it lights up a minute later).

**Quinn: No way. Not only is there nothing at Sonic that I can eat without having Coach Sylvester throttle me, but that sounds like a date. However, I agree that Finn's been acting strange. And if you want to pool our resources together to get to the bottom of this, I'd happily agree to that.**

At least she didn't refuse him flat out. He goes for a compromise.

**Puck: Jamba Juice then?**

**Quinn: Fine. See you in 10.**

Score.

He's there exactly 10 minutes later, even though he usually makes it a point to never be on time.

He sits at a small table and waits for her. She walks in a couple minutes later and he can't help but smile at her, even though he usually never smiles. But he likes it when she wears her hair down, it's always slicked back in that stupid ponytail for cheerleading.

She orders a low fat Strawberry smoothie before sitting primly across from him.

"Alright Puckerman, what do you know," she says.

That's Quinn for you, always gets right down to business.

"That's the thing isn't it? I don't know anything? It's like my best friend's been fucking mind-warped or something because he's just not there anymore. And I mean that in the sense that first of all, he never has any time to hang out, and also, when I am with him, he's never paying attention to anything I say, you know what I mean?"

Quinn's eyes widen.

"Yes I know exactly what you're talking about. He's doing the same thing with me. He told me he had to be late for the dress rehearsal of the celibacy ball tomorrow because he's applying for a job. So I was thinking maybe this all has something to do with a new job? Has he talked to you about it all?"

"Nope, he hasn't even mentioned it." Puck reaches across the table and steals a sip from Quinn's smoothie and thinks. He knew it, something's definitely up. "He fucking told me that his mom wasn't letting him hang out as much because she wanted him to get better grades," he explains to the blonde sitting across from him, "But she's the one who's been telling us since elementary school that grades aren't the only measure of a person's smartness or whatever, so I find it hard to buy that she suddenly got all hoity toity. I don't think there's a job at all, I think this is all a cover for something..."

"Wow," Quinn's brows meet in anger, "He couldn't even get his lies straight."

She leans back in her chair and crosses her arms. Soon the fury on her face is replaced with one of worry.

"Do you think he's cheating on me?" she whispers to Puck in horror.

Puck scoffs.

"Finn's an idiot," he tells her, "but he's not that big of an idiot. I mean, look at you."

She gives him a small smile and he knows that she knows that that's the closest he's going to come to straight up complimenting her.

"Well," she finally says, leaning her elbows on the table, "I guess we'll just have to come up with a plan to uncover what exactly is going on then."

"Like badass detectives," he smirks.

She laughs before continuing, "That's actually not a bad idea. We can spy on him after school, and find out exactly what's been occupying all his time."

He reaches out his hand for her to shake it, and she does, but just for a second. She's out of her chair and walking towards the door in no time. As if spending too much time with him will infect her or something.

He watches her go appreciatively. He loves it when she gets like this, all fired up and angry, it's fucking hot as hell.

But then again, everything about Quinn Fabray is hot as hell. She's the sexiest chick he's ever seen no question. The only '10' he's ever seen with his own eyes. Sometimes he just stares at her without even realizing he's gaping like an idiot, because he's just so caught up in how surreally fucking perfect she is.

And even though Puckasaurus is a free stallion who can't be tied down to any chick, sometimes, when he's looking at her, he wonders if he'd make an exception.

He shakes his head angrily. _Not gonna happen_, he reminds himself. Quinn's like, the_ Michael Jordan _of hot girls, and she's too good for this hick town and too good for his dumbass best friend too. Which means she's way way way too good for a Lima loser like him.

But she toys with him, flirting crazily with him one day and totally ignoring him the next. Because she likes reminding herself she's desired, that every guy wants her and every girl wants to be her. She's gorgeous and she knows it and she milks it for all its worth. But she's not really a bitch, there's a lot of insecurity there hidden underneath. He knows all this because he watches her, so much that he thinks he understands her better than anyone else.

Well Quinn and Finn (could the rhyming names be anymore disgusting?) can go fuck themselves in their dreamy high school romance, he has seeds to sow in other places anyways (pun intended).

He doesn't need some high and mighty girl who thinks she's too good for him. Really, he could care less.

...

[Thursday, afternoon]

Rachel taps her foot excitedly and watches the clock at the front of the room move excruciatingly slowly. Two minutes until school's out and rehearsal can start.

She looks over at Finn and the two share a secret smile. There's something about practicing for the musical that is just so peculiarly wonderful. The auditorium has become their sanctuary so to speak. It's become the place where a group of oddballs (who don't really fit into the labels McKinley high has given them) can go and just be themselves and have fun.

The bell rings and she bounces up out of her seat energetically. She hurries out of the classroom, knowing Finn's a careful couple steps behind her, and towards the auditorium. When she finally gets to the audience entrance, she pulls out the keys Principal Figgins gave her at the beginning of the year to unlock the cavernous building.

She walks down the stairs, past the rows of audience chairs, and takes a seat in the front row, right in front of the stage.

When he walks in a minute after her, he takes the seat next to her as she unpacks the boom box and music sheets from her extra large backpack. And as they sit there next to each other, totally comfortable, it's like they can finally breathe for the first time all day.

"So," she starts, smiling at him, "Do you think you've finally got the step-ball-change down?"

"Yeah," Finn grins, "It's pretty easy once you get the hang of it."

She laughs and says, "See, I told you. You can do anything you put your mind to."

He looks at her gratifyingly and that weird energy that always forms when they're together seems to pulse around the room. A knock at the backstage entrance brings her back to earth and she gets up to let in the others.

...

"Shhh!" Quinn hushes Puck and elbows him in the stomach, "You're going to give us away with your loud mouth breathing!"

Puck elbows her back, lightly of course, before closing his mouth.

They're hiding behind the last row of seats in the auditorium. And they still have no idea what in the world is going on. By the time they snuck themselves in, Finn was standing on stage with Rachel Berry and a band of merry _freaks_.

As soon as Puck had let her in on his suspicions, she had immediately thought of Rachel. She'd just known that that transvestite wannabe was involved in some way, and she'd been right.

"So what the fuck do you think is going on?" Puck whispers, obviously confused.

"Well how about you shut up so we can find out," she whispers back.

She looks back down to the stage.

Rachel's issuing orders in an unappealingly autocratic way, and Finn's watching her like a dumb puppy dog, nodding in that adorable 'I'm clueless but I'm trying' way of his.

Quinn's heart drops. The way he's looking at Rachel.. she's never seen him give _her _that look before. She can't lose him, she just can't. Especially to an annoying she-male at the bottom of the high school food chain (seriously, what is wrong with him?).

And then all of a sudden music's playing from the boom box and they're all singing a stupid song and trying to dance at the same.

"What. The. Fuck." she hears from beside her. Puck isn't even trying to whisper anymore.

She's as shocked as he is. She stands up angrily and pulls Puck towards the exit. She needs to figure out a way to win her boyfriend's heart back.

...

They're halfway through rehearsal and things are going really well. Mercedes hasn't thrown one diva fit and Kurt has gone the entire way without making a sarcastic remark about Rachel's wardrobe.

And Finn's even sort of maybe starting to half way get this whole dancing thing. Well that might be an exaggeration, but at least now he knows how to sing and walk at the same time.

Right before they're about to run through their first group number, a loud knock interrupts them. They all look up to follow the noise and watch in shock as Quinn walks loudly down the steps near the audience seats and down to stage, accompanied with none other than Brittany and Santana.

Shit.

He's scrambling his head for something to say when Quinn knocks his socks off with her next words.

"We'd like to audition for the musical."

Rachel whitens, and doesn't say a word. She's just as confused as he is.

Quinn looks behind Rachel and straight at him, "Finn, I'm appalled that you thought you couldn't be honest with me about this. I happen to love music, and I love you, so what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't support you?" she shifts her head to face Rachel again, "And looking at this pathetic collection of wayward students you have here, I'm sure an audition really isn't necessary, especially as you saw our performance in the talent show. We're all gifted singers and dancers, so you might as well just let us in now."

Finn gulps. Did he miss something?

...


	14. in spite of

Chapter 13. (Mid-December)

...

[Thursday, afternoon]

Rachel can't say a word. Which is most unusual. But these are unusual circumstances.

The smart thing to do would be to let Quinn and her friends join the musical. They need more cast members, there's simply no getting around that.

How did Quinn even find out that Finn was in the musical in the first place? And why's she really doing this? To be a good girlfriend like she says? Or does she have ulterior motives?

Either way, Rachel knows musical rehearsal is going to take a serious turn for the worse if Quinn Fabray joins.

But the fun atmosphere their small group of six has created is really fantastic and unique, and Quinn and Brittany and Santana would definitely ruin that. And most of all, it would put a cease and desist order on whatever's been going on between her and Finn. But maybe that's for the best...

But does she have a choice? She's always sworn to herself that she'd put her career before anything and everything else. And three cheerleaders in the musical is definitely in her career's best interest.

She smiles inauthentically and reaches out her hand to shake Quinn's.

"Welcome to the group!"

...

Finn looks from the proud expression on Quinn's face, to the weird smile on Rachel's, to the shocked looks on everyone else's, and pinches himself.

Nope, he's not dreaming.

"So," he vaguely hears Rachel say to Quinn, Brittany, and Santana, "Winter break starts next week so that will give you guys a lot of time to become familiar with the scripts and the music. The musical we're doing is West Side Story, and Quinn, I'm assigning you the part of Velma, Santana, you'll be Consuelo, and Brittany-"

"I have to go to the bathroom," Finn says suddenly. The words come out as if he's in a daze.

Rachel turns to him and nods before getting back to business with the newest additions of the musical.

He walks out of the auditorium, with no intentions of going to the bathroom, feeling like a zombie or something.

First off, how did Quinn find out he was in the musical? He thought he'd been really sneaky about it all. And secondly, why was she _joining_? Didn't she say once that it was the 'breeding grounds for closeted homosexuals' or something like that? It just doesn't make sense. And thirdly, why would _Rachel_ let her join? Quinn's been awful to her for as long as he can remember, and now... well now they won't be able to have as fun together in rehearsal anymore. With Quinn down his back all the time, who knows if they'll get to hang out at all?

This really bums him out. Because the musical was like this special thing they shared, a secret almost, where they could have their secret friendship. And now Quinn barged into that secret and it's all wrecked.

He walks outside because fresh air always helps him think. He has half a mind to get in his car and drive home, but then he sees Puck sitting in his jeep a couple spaces from him.

Puck sees him right away and jumps out of his car.

"H- Hey," Finn says nervously, "What're you doin' here?"

Puck walks towards him angrily, "Waiting for you. When the fuck were you going to tell me you joined the fucking _musical_?"

Wow. Just when he thought this day couldn't get any worse. He has no idea what to say.

"Please tell me this is some epic prank you've been planning," Puck continues.

Finn shoves his hands deep into his jean pockets, "Um... not exactly..."

"No seriously dude, if it's not, we're over."

"You sound like a girl," Finn responds, "And I just sorta fell into it okay? It's not that big of a deal."

"Not that big of a deal?" Puck practically yells, "What would you do if I joined the flag team? There are some things in this world, that are just not okay, and Finn Hudson joining the musical? Definitely one of those things."

"No one needs to find out!" he's starting to panic now, "Don't tell anyone and it will all be fine!"

"No it won't!" Puck yells, "Because you'll still be in the fucking musical! And I can't have a gay ass best friend!"

Finn reddens. This is exactly what he was afraid of.

"So because I like music I'm gay?" he asks sarcastically, "Cuz last time I checked you're always glued to your fucking guitar, so I'm pretty sure unless you have something to tell me, that's total bullshit and you know it."

Puck clenches his teeth, "That's not the same and _you_ know it. Besides, even if joining the musical didn't also function as a coming out of the closet announcement, it's just totally LAME."

"Well Quinn joined and she's not lame," Finn responds stupidly.

Puck sputters, "What? That's where she got off too?"

Wait a second...

"Hold on, how come you guys both found out I joined the musical on the same day?" he asks suspiciously.

"What do you think dimwit? We followed you after school and saw you prancing around with that bunch of losers."

"Whatever," Finn says, "I don't care if you decide to throw away years of friendship over some stupid prejudice, but just don't tell anyone."

Puck looks at him hardly before saying, "Fine, but you have to buy me the New Super Mario Bros for Wii in exchange."

"Fine," Finn agrees quickly.

Puck reaches out his hand and they shake on it.

...

She looks at her pink watch and realizes Finn's been 'in the bathroom' for over 10 minutes.

"Mercedes," she calls, "Can you take over for a couple minutes while I go look for Finn?"

Mercedes nods her head and Quinn gives her an evil stare.

Quinn's glare isn't lost on her, and she thinks she might have a better understanding of why Quinn decided to risk her popularity to join the musical.

She walks out of the auditorium and goes straight to the boy's bathroom. She knock on the door and no one answers. She peers her head in and calls Finn's name and no one answers. So she moves on.

She goes through the hallways and checks a couple of unlocked classrooms. Nothing. Finally she decides to go out to the parking lot to check if Finn's car is still there.

She sees him through the big entrance doors at the front of the school, sitting on the curb.

She pushes the door open and walks next to him.

"How's the bathroom?" she asks a little huffily.

He looks at her guiltily.

"Um.. good?"

She crosses her arms and waits for an explanation.

Nothing.

She looks at the grey clouds up above and waits some more.

Still nothing.

A cold wind breezes through and she shivers conspicuously.

Finn looks up at her from his seated position and finally speaks.

"It's freezing, you should go inside."

She shakes her head no stubbornly.

"_We_ should go inside," she corrects, "Unless I'm mistaken, we both have obligations to this little thing called the school musical."

"I'm not feeling that well," he says, looking back towards the trees that line the parking lot, "I think I might go home."

"Finn," she finally gives in to her urge to rant, "I just wasted five minutes of our precious rehearsal time looking for you, and then another five minutes waiting for you to explain yourself. And I left Mercedes in charge, and frankly, I just can't trust her to run things for more than a couple minutes. I know for a fact that you're perfectly fine, so you can't just leave me high and dry to deal with all this on my own as my male lead, especially with this new environment that's suddenly been thrust on us-"

"About that-" Finn interrupts, getting up, "Why_ did _you let Quinn and her friends join?"

"Because it was an opportunity to strengthen the quality of the musical," she retorts, looking up at his high face obstinately.

"But.." Finn looks troubled, "We aren't going to be able to talk and stuff as much during rehearsal anymore and.. well.. don't you think it might get awkward?"

See, this is the problem with bottling up emotions. If you pretend that everything's nice and dandy, things just build up inside, and eventually that glass bottle explodes.

"Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I'm going to _enjoy_ working alongside the bane of my existence? That having Quinn there as a constant reminder that you're taken and we kissed behind her back is going to be fun for me? Because it's not. But it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the sake of the musical. Some things are bigger than you Finn, and my dreams happen to be one of them."

She sees the hurt in his eyes as he responds.

"Sorry, I didn't- I didn't mean to say that I thought I was-" he sighs, "I guess I'm just upset that she decided to join in the first place, it's really gonna wreck everything isn't it?"

"Well if you insist on being so devoted to your popularity..." she lets the sentence trail.

He groans frustratedly, "Ughh! Why would she do this anyways? It's just so unlike her!"

"She's obviously here to keep an eye on us," Rachel explains, "Which is alright with me because maybe we need someone to keep an eye on us to prevent us from engaging in any more despicable practices of adultery-"

This is the first time either one of them has mentioned the kiss since the blow out. She can't help it, the bottle cracked, and now everything's on the surface waiting to be dealt with.

"Stop!" Finn interrupts, "Stop making yourself out to be the bad guy. It's not your fault. This is all my fault. I shouldn't be liking two girls at once," he pauses, "Hell, I shouldn't like _you_ in general."

Rachel blushes, deeply offended, and he continues.

"I mean, first off, I usually go for blondes, and well, you aren't popular and you talk a lot more than you should and you dress like the world is made out of candy and rainbows and you kinda talk like a fifty year old woman sometimes and you just care a little too much about everything- like that time you made 'I'm Sorry' cookies because you accidentally insulted Mercedes' zebra jacket. But," he takes a deep breath, "I do like you. A lot. And I don't know why. Because I shouldn't."

"You already said that," her voice is shaky, "But thanks for letting me know every single thing that's insufficient about me and preventing you from dating me."

Her eyes began brimming with tears.

"No, no.." Finn puts his hands up in a garbled attempt to take back what he said, "I didn't mean it like that.. Sometimes I forget my words can hurt people's feelings.." he takes another big breath, "I was just trying to show how it doesn't make any sense that I like you so much because you're so different from what I'm used to liking and.."

"I get the picture," she interrupts him, not even registering that he just told her he really likes her because she's so hung up on all of the negatives, "I'll just stop voicing my opinions around you and wear less 'rainbow and candy' clothing and.."

He frowns.

"No don't do that," he says, stopping her.

She looks at him defiantly, "Why not?"

"Because," he struggles to find the right words, "then.. then you wouldn't be _Rachel_ you know. If you change anything about yourself then I probably wouldn't like you as much as I do. Don't you see that's what I've been trying to say this whole time? I'm freaking out because for the first time in my life I actually _like_ weird things like sequin legwarmers on a girl and cookies that took just a little too much effort to be normal. Plus, your super long speeches are kinda relaxing. Yeah, maybe what you're talking about isn't always super interesting but I love hearing the sound of your voice and.."

He stops and takes a deep breath, obviously overwhelmed by everything that's been pouring out of his mouth.

For some reason, what he just said reminds Rachel of a Victor Hugo (the venerable author of Les Miserable) quote that she's always liked.

_"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."_

She stomps the thought out of her head and looks at Finn cautiously.

"I'm not sure what you're trying to say," she finally says.

Finn looks at her frustratedly.

"I don't really know what I'm trying to say either. I guess it's just that, you're this hot, crazy, awesome girl whose making my brain go all apeshit and I don't know why."

She stares, unable to believe the words that are coming out of his mouth. It almost sounds as if he likes her as much as she likes him. But she knows that's impossible, because if he did, there'd be nothing stopping him from being with her, because who could deny feelings that powerful?

Before she can respond, Finn's eyes go wide and fixate on something behind her, and she hears the creaky front entrance doors open.

She moves her head to see Quinn heading toward them, looking like a woman on a mission.

Quinn spares Rachel a vile glance before grabbing Finn's hand possessively and leading him to his car.

"Come on," she pulls, as Finn sorta struggles to keep looking at Rachel, "We have the dress rehearsal for the celibacy ball remember?"

Rachel watches as he gives her a torn look and reluctantly turns around and follows Quinn.

When they reach his car, Quinn turns around to wave at Rachel fakely, and shouts "Bye! And don't forget to email me the rehearsal times during break!"

Rachel clenches her fists. Maybe letting Quinn and her friends join wasn't the brightest idea she's ever had.

No. _This is for the best_, she reassures herself. Finn's a coward. If he likes her as much as he just told her he did, he wouldn't have just walked away from that important conversation. He's not going to leave Quinn, he's made that clear enough.

Maybe not seeing for him two weeks over Winter break will help clear her head, help her end this crush that simply refuses to die. She just needs to get through one more day of school tomorrow, and then she can put Plan Get Over Finn Hudson into action.

Deep down she knows that what she feels for Finn is too strong to just go away with a snap of her fingers, but she has to tell herself it might not be, to keep sane.

…


	15. shackles

Chapter 14. (mid december)

_A/N:_

_Apologies for the wait! I wish I had a superb chapter for you guys to make up for it, but... Well I'm not gonna lie, it pained me a little to write this one. But I'll be updating soon to remove the bitter taste this one might leave behind!_

_Song credit goes to Cat Power's 'Maybe Not'. Go listen to it if you've never heard it! Kthanks :)_

...

[Friday, early afternoon]

Plan Get Over Finn Hudson isn't working out.

She spent all last night locked in her room listening to sad music and crying, and now it's lunch and she can't stop staring at Finn and Quinn at the popular kids' table across the dining hall.

Every once in awhile he catches her staring and stares right back, and they share a little moment until one of his friends diverts his attention.

"Rachel?"

She turns around to see who called her name. Everyone at the lunch table (Mercedes, Kurt, Artie, and Tina) is staring at her.

"Sorry, what?" she asks sheepishly.

Mercedes looks at her and says, "We just asked if we were going to have more than one rehearsal a week after winter break."

She enunciates every word as if she thinks Rachel's deaf or something.

"Oh um, yes," Rachel answers, "I'm not sure when though. We'll keep the Thursday rehearsal of course, but I'll have to check with Finn to see when he has basketball practice before I can set a day for the extra one."

Kurt looks at her from across the table and rolls his eyes.

She turns to him, "Do you have a problem with that?" she asks, coating her voice with false honey.

Kurt gives her a condescending look before saying, "The only problem here is your obsession with Finn."

Rachel feels heat crawl up her cheeks.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she covers up quickly. Darn, has she been that obvious?

"I'm sorry but someone needed to say something," his tone is hostile, "The way you blatantly pine for him is giving the rest of us second hand embarrassment and I think I speak for all of us when I say it's high time you get over your silly schoolgirl crush."

The table becomes awkwardly hushed.

She grabs her lunch tray and stomps towards the other side of the dining hall in her signature storm out. She finds an empty table and slams her lunch tray against the cold dirty white plastic. She positions herself to face a window, so she can avoid the gazes she knows are on her. Picking up her flimsy plastic fork, she pokes the saggy pieces of asparagus on her plate and moves them around in patterns distractedly as she thinks.

_You used to eat lunch by yourself every day before all this musical business came along, _she reminds herself, _who needs friends anyways? Or boys for that matter. They're all distractions really, impeding you from vigilantly focusing on your ultimate goal; stardom._

Out of habit, she turns around to look at Finn (she's just so constantly _aware_ of him). He's looking at her concernedly.

She practically cracks her neck to look away and back to her unappetizing lunch. Brushing her hair in front of her face as a barrier to hide under, she brings a piece of asparagus to her mouth. It tastes like flavorless, greasy, shoelace.

_Just get through the day, _she thinks to herself,_ after today you won't see him for two weeks and maybe that's all it will take. You're just in high school anyways, how serious could your feelings really be?_

...

He walks into sixth period nervously and takes a seat next to Rachel. He notices that although her face is glued to the book in front of her, her eyes aren't actually moving across the pages, so she's not actually reading.

He sighs. He honestly doesn't know what to do anymore. The whole celibacy dress rehearsal ball yesterday only further reminded him of how out of place and _wrong_ he feels with Quinn.

The fact that he spent the whole dumb, stuffy, event thinking about how he'd rather be with Rachel means something right?

He actually fell asleep last night considering breaking up with Quinn. He knows there'll be hell to pay, but things already suck so badly, he doesn't think it could get much worse.

What is popularity anyways? Just wanting people to like you, really. And lately, the only person who's opinion really seems to matter to him, is Rachel.

What's the point of having people you don't even like all that much like you when the one person you really like is the person you're hurting the most?

He needs to stop being a scaredy cat and handle this like a man. Like his father. What's a couple idiot football players and cheerleaders compared to Afghani soldiers and the Middle Eastern desert? Nothing, that's what.

Quinn and him have a dinner date planned for tonight at Breadsticks, and it might just be time to break up with her.

He smiles to himself and turns his head to look at the small brunette sitting next to him. Rachel's now concentrating studiously on every word coming out of Mrs. Martin's mouth. She has no idea that he's considering putting everything on the line for her.

He turns to Mrs. Martin too and tries to catch up on what she's been talking about for the last couple minutes.

"So to summarize," he hears, "Your homework for winter break will be to deliver a 5 minute verbal presentation on what you believe the central theme of Romeo and Juliet is. Now I've randomly assigned you partners for this project, and printed them on this piece of paper," she says, holding up a white sheet, "It will be passed around as you guys take your final."

Finn groans inwardly. The two things he hates most of all: tests, and homework over break.

His stomach twists as he sees the stapled tests in Mrs. Martin's hands. For some reason he had thought skimming Sparknotes would be a good studying method, and now that familiar feeling of dread is passing through him. And this new project is just the black cherry of doom on top.

However, his view on the project is significantly altered when he's passed the piece of paper with the assigned partners on it 10 minutes later. He can't stop the sharp intake of breath when he sees the capitalized name next to his.

FINN HUDSON - RACHEL BERRY.

He smiles excitedly. This is good. This is very good. It's like the universe is giving him a sign: break up with Quinn so you and Rachel can have a shot.

He clears his throat as he passes the paper to Rachel and gives her a wide smile.

...

Rachel can't suppress the gasp that comes out when she sees the name adjacent to hers on the sheet of paper.

Of course this would happen. It _would_ be her luck to be paired with Finn the one time she wanted to avoid him. Now she'll be forced to see him during break making it that much harder to move on.

She passes the paper to the girl sitting on her left and tries to concentrate on her test, but instead all she can do is wonder why the universe hates her so much.

She finally relents and looks at Finn for the first time since he decided to take a seat next to her. He's giving her this humongous smile that automatically incites a smile of reciprocation from her. She can't help it, his look of joy is too contagious.

She turns her head back to her test and repeats a chant in her head.

_Finn Hudson is not a god and you CAN get over him. Finn Hudson is not a god and you CAN get over him. Finn Hudson is not a god and you CAN get over him._

Even as she thinks it, she feels ridiculous. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and she's willing to try anything to just move on from this debilitating crush that's consuming her.

...

[Friday, evening]

Finn looks down at the plate of Spaghetti with meatballs in front of him. For once, he's not that hungry.

His gaze raises to rest on the face of his pretty blonde, soon to be ex-girlfriend sitting across the booth. He thinks she's talking about the certainty of the Cheerio's winning this year's national championships, but he checked out of the conversation a couple minutes ago so he can't be sure.

He doesn't know how to go about this. Quinn's the first serious girlfriend he's ever had (he doesn't count the awkward thing with Jenna Clarke in middle school), and he wants to break up with her as nicely as he possibly he can.

He watches her use a fork to stab a piece of lettuce in the wilted salad on her plate and bring it to her mouth.

Well, now's a good a time as any right?

"I think we should break up," he blurts out.

She gags on the single piece of lettuce in her throat.

He thinks moments like this might be the reason why his mom always tells him he has no tact.

Quinn somehow manages to swallow the regurgitated lettuce before letting out a nervous giggle.

"Sorry, what?"

He clears his throat and makes sure to clearly pronounce each word, "I. Think. We. Should. Break. Up."

The smile disappears from her face and he thinks he sees her eyes get a little watery. Oh no. Please no tears. He can't handle tears.

"Why?" she asks shakily.

"I.." he pauses, trying to think of a way he can do this without hurting her feelings even more, "I just feel like it's the right thing to do," he finishes lamely.

"I don't understand," she says, unable to admit defeat, "We're poised to be the most popular kids in school for the next two and a half years, we're_ the perfect couple_."

"Not really," he counters, "If we were perfect together, then our relationship wouldn't feel so... forced."

"But I joined the musical for you," she pleads, a single tear glistening on her cheek, "I let us get to _third base_."

"I know, I know.." He runs a hand through his hair.

He feels really really crappy. Should he just tell her the truth? She's going to find out sooner or later..

He looks to the right to avoid her gaze and spews out quickly, "It's just... ."

She blinks back the tears as understanding dawns.

"It's Rachel isn't it?" she asks in a dangerous whisper.

"Err.. I don't really feel comfortable talking about this with you," he answers.

Anger replaces hurt as she grabs her sweater and purse. Sliding out of the booth seat, she gives him one final glare before marching indignantly out of the restaurant.

...

Quinn races out of Breadsticks and into the cold Winter evening, blindly stuffing her yellow cardigan on. She wants Finn to run after her, apologize and plead temporary insanity, but she's totally alone out here. If her house wasn't a five minute walk from the restaurant, she'd be even more outraged at his inconsiderate boorishness than she already is.

She crosses her arms and shivers against the freezing breeze, quickening her step as she crosses into her residential neighborhood.

Quinn Fabray never loses. Especially not to Rachel Berry. She takes a couple of deep breaths to calm down. Shejust needs to be clever- figure out a way to convince Finn to realize how perfect they are for each other. How she's the only one he's supposed to be with.

And then it's like a light switch turns on in her head, spotlighting the most obvious solution ever.

She takes out her phone and sets up a mass text to the football team.

**Quinn: Finn joined the musical. Do what you have to do to remind him of the order of things.**

The ugly fat one who looks like a direct neanderthal descendant replies first.

**Karofsky: What the fuck? Don't worry, he'll be punished.**

She rolls her eyes at the idiotic response. The football team can be embarrassingly melodramatic when it comes to their prehistoric rituals of hazing and bullying.

But for once, she's thankful for it. Finn needs to understand the full consequences of choosing a dwarf transvestite over her.

...

When Finn gets home, he wants to call Rachel and tell her the good news right away, but he thinks surprising her would be even more awesome. So he comes up with a plan and gets out his phone.

**Finn: Wanna work on our project tomorrow? **

**Rachel: I guess. **

**Finn: Cool, I have something important to tell you too. It's something I think you'll be happy to hear.**

**Rachel: Okay. Where do you want to meet? **

**Finn: I'll call you in the morning and we can figure it out.**

**Rachel: Alright, see you tomorrow then.**

She doesn't sound too stoked, but he hopes that will change when he shows up to her house tomorrow with a bouquet of flowers and one of those singing cards from Hallmark he finds so entertaining.

His phone buzzes again and his ears perk up when he thinks it might be more from Rachel. But it's not.

**Quinn: I know I've been a little harsh lately and that I might have pushed you away. But I want to explain that it's just because I'm a perfectionist and I care about you so much that I want you and I to be the best we can be, and I honestly believe we're the best together. So I just thought you should know that if you decide what happened earlier today was a mistake, I'll be here for you.**

She signed the text with a little heart.

He sighs. He hadn't thought breaking up with a girl would be so hard. But it really had been. Quinn'd seemed really bummed about it.

But this text makes him feel a little better- at least it looks like now she's taking it more maturely.

...

Rachel looks at the cluster of text messages on her phone. She'd tried to be as curt and monosyllabic as possible in her responses, but it had been a strain. It just goes against all her instincts to be anything but loving and adoring to Finn Hudson.

Maybe she should just raise the white flag right now. She knows a lost cause when she sees one, and Plan Get Over Finn Hudson is definitely a lost cause. The proof is in the pudding (the pudding being the fact that at the very core of her being she understands that she's incapable of releasing herself from the chains of true love, no matter how much she doesn't want to be a prisoner of it).

...

[Saturday, morning]

He wakes up two hours earlier than he usually does on Saturday mornings because he's so excited. He's hanging out with Rachel today, telling her that he broke up with Quinn for her, and the morning's never looked so pretty and promising.

He gets ready at lightning speed and then hurries down to the kitchen to fix a quick breakfast. As he pours milk into a glazed blue cereal bowl, he sees a note from his mom on the refrigerator and removes the magnet holding it up so he can read it.

_Finn-_

_I have the weekend shift again so I'll be working late today and tomorrow. I made some lasagna and there are a ton of leftovers in the fridge so you shouldn't be in need of any food. I'd also appreciate it if you could mow the lawn and water the plants. _

_Love,_

_Mom_

He munches on his Frosted Flakes as he arranges his plans for the morning. He'll get the chores out of the way now, and then pick up the flowers and card afterwards, so that he can spend the whole day with Rachel free. He smiles at the thought, a whole day with Rachel, where he'll finally be free to be with her the way he's wanted to for a really long time.

10 minutes later he's struggling with the lawn mower in his front yard, when he hears a few big cars drive up.

He turns around to see half the football team getting out of a couple gas guzzlers with big paint ball guns in their hands. Puck's walking along the side of the group, and Finn realizes it's not going to take a rocket scientist to figure out what's going on.

So much for the Mario Bros. trade.

He watches in horror as they stalk towards him.

"What're you guys doing?" he asks, his palms trying to fruitlessly block them.

"The musical?" Azimio questions sarcastically, "We don't stand for homos on the football team. You need the _faggot_ kicked out of you..."

"You broke the rules," Puck shrugs, lifting his gun.

Finn clenches his stomach and squeezes his eyes shut, as the paintball pellets come hurdling towards him.

He reminds himself of his dad's sacrifice, and how the toys the weapons shooting him are nothing in comparison. And before he knows it, it's over.

Karofsky spits at his feet, "Remember _that_ the next time you think you feel the need to _express yourself_."

Finn feels the bruises forming on his torso as his teammates drive away in their big, ugly cars. He walks slowly back into his house, the lawn mower forgotten on the neon splattered grass, and feels more humiliated and defeated than he's ever felt in his life.

Stripping out of his ruined clothes, he slips into a hot shower, letting the hot water steam away his anger and his own terrible powerlessness.

If this is what his so called 'friends' did because they found out about the musical, what would they do if they found out he wanted to date the queen of all things lame and uncool?

He lets his own teenage fears of not being accepted and standing out overtake him as he comes to a decision.

Thinking he could live happily ever after with Rachel in this vicious jungle known as high school had been nothing but a stupid pipe dream. Straight up moronic in fact. He wasn't built to live on the outside like Rachel, he wouldn't be able to handle getting egged and slushie'd- he wouldn't be able to handle being a joke. So there's only one thing he can do.

He gets out of the shower, wraps a towel around his waist, and walks towards his phone like a man walking towards the electric chair. Totally resigned to his bleak fate.

**Finn: You're right. I shouldn't have broken up with you and I regret doing it. Will you take me back?**

**Quinn: Of course! I'm glad you came to your senses. You should come over ;)**

...

[Saturday, late afternoon]

"You poor thing," Quinn coos, her voice full of concern as she runs her light fingers across his sore chest and stomach, "Don't worry about those imbeciles," she says soothingly, "Once they find out that me, Santana, and Brittany have joined too, they'll get over it. Besides, what are they going to do? Kick you off the football and basketball team? There's no way they'd get rid of their best player like that."

He's lying on her bed and she's leaning on her side next to him, gently massaging his fresh bruises. He lets himself get comforted by her soft motions and logical words. She's making him feel better, cuz he really didn't want to quit the musical, and now it seems like he won't have to.

"Just stick with me and we'll be fine," she continues, "Together we present a united front of strength, beauty, and power, and no ones messes with those things. We just need to remind them of who's boss and they'll go back to cowering in their caves."

Quinn's really not that bad. He should consider himself lucky to be with her. It's common knowledge that every guy at school ranks her number 1, and for good reason. She's gorgeous, smart, powerful, and popular.

His eyes are closed so he flinches a little when he feels her body adjust to gently lie atop his.

"I love you," she whispers lowly, kissing him.

"Love you too," he replies, as she busies her lips with soft kisses on his chest.

They've said these words before, and like the other times, they feel like chalk as they come out of his mouth. The phrase just isn't coming from some place real. Sometimes it seems as if they say the phrase out of duty rather than real emotion.

...

Rachel goes through her phone for the fiftieth time that day.

No new messages.

She looks up at the clock.

3:57 pm.

Yeah. It definitely can no longer be considered morning. And Finn definitely ditched her.

She can't help but feel slightly mortified. She basically wasted an entire day doing nothing. Except acting like the lovesick fool that she is.

She despises that Finn Hudson has usurped international stardom as the number 1 concern in her life. On a normal Saturday afternoon she would have spent the day polishing her voice by making a myspace video (something she seems to have less and less time for these days), toning her body with various aerobic and muscle strengthening exercises, researching affordable living in New York City, attending ballet class (which she'd been stupid enough to cancel), and memorizing a monologue or two from one of her favorite broadway plays.

She might as well have thrown this day down the trash, that's how useless and unproductive it was. And it's all Finn's fault. Because Finn? Finn's become her new dream. And that's not good. Not good at all.

Rachel looks at the clock again and decides that it's still not too late to save this day from being a complete failure. She goes to her closet and grabs her tripod and video camera.

Now she just needs to choose a song. But instead her mind wanders to the grave injustice Finn offended her with today.

He could have at least had the common courtesy to tell her why he wouldn't be able to meet. But no, apparently she isn't worth even that.

She should have expected it really. Finn's nothing if fickle. In fact, she should call him Fickle Finn. He's proven that he cares about his popularity more than her, so obviously she must be the lowest rung on Finn Hudson's ladder of priorities.

So why is she punishing herself by waiting fruitlessly for Finn to wake up and smell the coffee? The coffee being the metaphor for her, Rachel Berry, and the incredible relationship they could share if he could just free himself of the shackles of popularity.

Inspiration strikes and she finally has her myspace video song.

She clicks the record button and moves to stand in front of the camera by her bed.

"_There's a dream that I see, I pray it can be_

_Look cross the land, shake this land_

_A wish or a command_

_I Dream that I see, don't kill it, it's free_

_You're just a man, you get what you can_

_We all do what we can_

_So we can do just one more thing_

_We can all be free_

_Maybe not in words_

_Maybe not with a look_

_But with your mind_

_Listen to me, don't walk that street_

_There's always an end to it_

_Come and be free, you know who I am_

_We're just living people_

_We won't have a thing_

_So we've got nothing to lose_

_We can all be free_

_Maybe not with words_

_Maybe not with a look_

_But with your mind_

_You've got to choose a wish or command_

_At the turn of the tide, is withering thee_

_Remember one thing, the dream you can see_

_Pray to be, shake this land_

_We all do what we can_

_So we can do just one more thing_

_We won't have a thing_

_So we've got nothing to lose_

_We can all be free_

_Maybe not with words_

_Maybe not with a look_

_But with your mind_

_But with your mind"_

Rachel turns her camera off and takes it off the tripod and brings it to her desk. Connecting it to her computer, she goes through the process of uploading the new video.

She feels a little bit better, singing is therapeutic that way.

The download completes and she transfers it to her myspace page. She told Finn about her myspace page once. He got all nervous and jittery though when she asked if he'd ever looked at it, so she still doesn't know if he watches her videos or not.

She hopes he does, because this song has a particular pertinent message for him. She wants Finn to be free to be his true self and live the way he wants to (because she just knows with an absolute conviction that if he wasn't so terrified of what other people thought of him, he'd be with her in a heartbeat, and proud of his participation in the musical). She wants him to be free to embrace his dreams, instead of conforming to society's expectations of him.

Above all, she's trying to get through to him that if they had each other and their dreams, that that would be enough.

And yeah that might sound a little dramatic for two Sophomores in high school, but it's really not. Not for them anyways. Because somehow, she knows that what she feels for Finn is the real deal, in a way she can't quite explain. She just knows it.

She does have a sixth sense after all.

And she's not going to give up hope just yet.

...


	16. lost

Chapter 15. (mid-December)

_A/N: _

_So I sort of just did the math in my head and realized Rachel's really young in Ryan Murphy & co.'s Glee world, and only turns 15 sophomore year. So let's just suspend our disbelief for this fic, and pretend she was born December 18th, 1993 :)_

...

"**and lovin a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be."**

...

[Sunday, morning]

_He's in a field. He can tell it's spring, cuz the grass is green (and not 'Emerald Dreams' type of green, but freshly sprung up from the damp earth type of green). But he can't tell much else. _

_There are a bunch of sheep around him. They're grazing on the grass and sometimes they look up at him and make that weird 'baa' noise that they do._

_It's nice here. But he's getting bored. So he gets up and walks away from the sheep. But then he sees that he's fenced in. He goes back to sit with the sheep, wondering vaguely why he isn't try to climb the fence. _

_He sits and sits and sits. He checks his hand to make sure he's not a sheep too, and breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes he's still human. But then he gets frustrated, if he's not a sheep, what is he doing here? Stranded and stuck._

_And then he hears a song from the distance behind him. The voice is so angelic, he freaks out for a second because he thinks he might be dead. Didn't the Ancient Greeks call heaven the Elysian _fields_ or something? But then it hits him, that's Rachel singing. He gets up again and races toward the back of the field, right up to the fence. He's right on the edge of a forest, it's just beyond the reaches of the fence, and he can tell Rachel's in the forest._

_But he can't get over the fence. But it's weird, because he knows he could get over it if he tried, but for some reason, his body can't do it. It's like his brain's put up an invisible forcefield or something so he can't. _

_He listens to the song, and catches bits of the words- "you're just a man you get what you can," "we can all be free". It sounds familiar, in fact he's pretty sure he's heard it very recently, but he can't place where, because he's not really sure what's going on._

"_Rachel!" he calls out, remembering that he has the power of speech, "Rachel! It's Finn! Where are you?"_

_The singing stops. There's a rustling in the branches and before he knows it, Rachel's stepping out of the tall trees. Totally naked._

_He swallows him adam's apple painfully. Is she here to save him? Take him away to the forest to have her way with him? He hopes so._

"_Who are you?" she asks cautiously._

_He tears his eyes away from her body to look at her face._

"_Don't you recognize me? It's me, Finn!"_

_She looks at him confusedly._

"_What do you want?" her voice is scared, dangerous._

"_I- I-" _

_He stops. What does he want? _

"_I want to get out of here," he finally answers, "I want to be out there with you. Free, like you said in the song."_

_And then she smiles, that big toothy smile of hers, and suddenly, she transforms into_ his _Rachel. Not some scary forest nymph._

"_Finn!" she cries, running over to him, "I've been looking for you!"_

"_Rachel no!" he yells as she jumps over the fence, but it's too late._

"_What?" she asks._

"_Now you can't get out," he says sadly, "You're trapped now, like me."_

"_No I'm not," she says, climbing back over the fence to prove the truth of her words, "See?"_

_He looks at her in amazement. Why can't he do that?_

_Rachel hurries back to him, "I've missed you," she says, putting her arms around his abdomen and hugging him, "You were lost for so long and I thought I'd never reach you."_

_He wraps his arms around her and squeezes her tightly, burying his face in her silky, silky hair._

_And it's then he realizes she's still naked. Suddenly she's looking up at him, her neck craning to find his eyes. _

"_Finn," she whispers, and her hands move up to trace his hairline._

"_Rachel," he whispers in return, letting his hand slide down her impossibly smooth, nude, back, right down to her freaking beyond perfect ass. He uses that hand to hoist her up by the butt cheek and she responds immediately, wrapping her naked legs around his waist and locking her lips onto his. He kisses her with everything he's got, and now she's gyrating her hips up and down his cock, and it feels so damn good. Something lurches down below. And iff she keeps doing that he's gonna.. _

_ahhh..._

His eyes snap open. It doesn't take him more than two seconds to realize it was a dream, a specific type of dream at that. He feels like facepalming himself when he feels that familiar wetness on his bed.

This always happens when he watches one of Rachel's myspace videos right before going to bed. He should know better by now. God only knows how he's perfected his laundry techniques since she came into his life.

He looks at the clock on his bedside table. It's almost noon.

He gets up and pulls the sheets off his bed, glad his mom isn't home so he can stuff them in the washer right away.

While he's stuffing them (along with his boxers) in the machine, he tries to remember the dream. Only bits and pieces come to him, sheep, a field, a naked rachel, her long legs holding onto his waist tightly... He feels like he's missing something though, as if the dream was trying to tell him something, only, he doesn't know what.

He briefly mourns the Finn he got to be in that dream. A Finn where no Quinn was in the picture.

He laughs bitterly as he walks up the stairs back to his room when he thinks about yesterday. How he had thought it was going to go, and how it actually went. His stomach gets queasy when he remembers that Rachel had expected him to call her so they could spend time working on their project, and that he had totally bailed without any explanation.

He walks into his room and goes directly to his phone on the top of his drawers and types in Rachel's number for an outgoing text. A stab of surprise hits him when he realizes he's memorized it.

**Finn: I'm sorry I forgot to call yesterday. I got.. hung up.**

She replies right away.

**Rachel: Next time it'd be polite if you could drop me a line notifying me when you get 'hung up'.**

He doesn't know how to respond to that.

**Finn: Yeah I know I'm lame I'm sorry. But something came up which really threw me for a loop. Are you free today though?**

He sits on his desk chair and waits anxiously.

**Rachel: I have an appointment at the DMV in half an hour. But I assume you're asking about the freeness of my schedule because you want to set up a time to commence our English project, which you so unceremoniously blew off yesterday, in which case I'd tell you that my parents are hosting a dinner party tonight so if we were to work on our assignment then we'd need to find another location to accommodate us, and we'd only be able to work for a few hours.**

He smiles a little. Rachel's pretty hot when she gets all worked up and wordy like this. He stops and wipes the smile off his face. The wet dream was bad enough. He has a girlfriend, and shouldn't be thinking about Rachel that way anymore.

He made his bed, and now he has to lie in it.

**Finn: My mom's gonna be at work till late so we could use my place.**

**Rachel: I don't think that would be very intelligent. But maybe we could meet at the Starbucks on Main Street? **

Finn bites the inside of his cheek. He knows exactly why Rachel doesn't think being alone together in an empty house is a good idea.

**Finn: I don't really like spending money on fancy coffee.. plus wouldn't it be hard to concentrate somewhere crowded like that? If you don't feel comfortable that's okay we can figure out another time, but I really think my house will work fine.**

He bites the inside of his cheek.

**Rachel: Okay, your house is fine, but I'll need the address.**

He texts it to her.

**Rachel: Thanks. I'll be at your house around 2 then.**

...

Rachel clicks the automatic lock button on the keys to her shiny pink mini cooper as she walks up the cement walkway to Finn's house. She's finally legally allowed to drive it (that appointment at the DMV this morning was her getting her license) and it feels good. Like she's acquired some semblance of true independence.

She knocks on the door nervously. She's never seen Finn's house before, and she's a little surprised at how.. shabby it is. For some reason, she always thought he'd live in a big, sparkling, new house like Quinn.

As she waits for him to answer, she wonders idly if she'll end up telling him what today is.

Finn opens the door in one quick, clumsy motion, and she can't help but giggle at the way his boyish face lights up when he sees her.

She just can't stay annoyed at him, because she knows nothing he does is intentionally cruel.

"Come in," he says, motioning for her to come inside.

She does.

"Sorry for the mess," he continues, "you're a little early."

"Yeah," she replies, "I actually got my license this morning, and the test went smoothly, which is why I'm early."

Finn's eyebrows raise is surprise.

"But you drive to school all the time," he says, "I thought you already had it."

"Nope," she states, "My dads were just really lenient about letting me drive with my permit, as Lima doesn't exactly have the most vigilant police force in the state..."

Finn laughs (the Lima police are notoriously negligent) and leads her into the living room. For some reason, the muted tan and beige colors of the room, and the furniture yellowed with age, make her sad. The whole house is distinctly lower middle class, middle america, 'white trash' her daddy might say. But she thinks it represents the struggling American household, and there's honor in that.

She rests her notebook and pen on the distressed wooden coffee table and sits primly on the worn out couch.

"So for the project," she begins, as Finn sits in the armchair next to the couch, "I've already compiled a summary of my thesis on the central themes of Romeo and Juliet. Would you like me to recite the general gist of it and then we can add anything else you might want to contribute to it and then form it into a verbal presentation?"

He nods his head, "Sure, that sounds good."

"Alright then, well here I go," she starts, "Although many consider Romeo & Juliet a tragedy, I'd beg to differ. I think the fact that the hero and heroine of the play live such an earth shattering love, and accomplish a unification of feuding houses, thereby saving future lives, is the mark of a story of triumph. John Keats once wrote to his one true love Fanny Brice, that he 'almost wished that they were summer butterflies that lived but three summer days,' for 'three summer days with' Fanny, 'would be filled with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain'. Romeo and Juliet got those three summer days so to speak, in the sense that they experienced a love greater and more awe-inspiring than anything most ordinary people could even imagine. They were icons for the movements of peace and love, martyrs for causes bigger than themselves. And I for one, would gladly trade a lifetime of normality, for the short week of passion and greatness and achievement that Romeo & Juliet lived."

...

Finn gulps. Rachel is so freaking smart and intense it hurts. Seriously though, sometimes when he's with her he feels like he's in the presence of some rare and exotic butterfly or something, he's so in awe of her.

"Wow.. that was.. wow." he finally says.

Rachel blushes prettily.

"Really? You thought it was okay?"

"Hell yeah," he answers, getting a big grin in response.

They spend the next hour organizing all of Rachel's notes into a speech format where each of them alternates speaking. (They both realize early on that Finn has nothing valuable to contribute).

"Do you wanna take a break?" Finn asks finally, and Rachel looks up from chewing on her pencil, "Studying kinda makes me hungry. I'm gonna make myself a snack, want one?"

"Sure," she says, putting her pencil down near her book.

"K, we have lots of fresh fruit," he stops for a second, trying to imagine the vegan contents of his pantry, "and hot cheetos, potato chips, trail mix, animal crackers, goldfish, fruit roll ups, cereal, popsicles, oreos... and I can make you a PB&J sandwich too if you want. Plus there's water, pepsi, and OJ to drink."

Rachel giggles a bit at the huge list he just gave her, before asking, "Do you have any bananas?"

He's pretty sure his face gets a shade paler as he nods.

"Could you just get me one of those then? And a water?"

"Yeah," he croaks, before hurrying into the kitchen. He's never met a more naturally seductive girl in his life. He decides he just won't look at her while she eats it.

He comes out a few minutes later with two PB&J sandwiches, a packet of lays, and a soaring stack of oreos for himself, and the banana and water for Rachel.

"Thanks," she smiles, taking the banana and glass of water from his dangerously stuffed hands.

He plops on a couch cushion next to her, and they eat in silence for a minute or so. He can't help but appreciate how comfortable he feels. Lately it's felt like he's been in some giant tornado, letting the wind and dust and debris hurl him around like a limp puppet, but with Rachel it's like he's in the eye of that tornado. Given a brief moment of calm before the storm can scoop him up again.

"That's a big snack," Rachel comments as she finishes her banana, looking at the food in front of him.

He shrugs, "Yeah, but I'm a big guy."

Rachel laughs, "That's true."

He likes making her laugh, even though most of the time he doesn't mean to.

"So what's your favorite food?" he asks, lifting the bag of chips to his mouth to get at the last crumbs.

They do this sometimes, just ask each other random questions cuz they're still getting to know each other and everything.

Rachel crosses her legs and thinks about it.

"Probably pasta," she says, "and soy vanilla ice cream," she thinks some more, "and I can't forget plums, nothing beats a fresh cold juicy plum on a hot summer's day," he laughs with a mouth full of oreos as she goes on, "oh and my delectable vegan sugar cookies of course. You can attest to the deliciousness of those."

He nods in strong agreement at the memory. He'd always thought 'vegan' at the beginning of any food meant that it would taste gross, but there was no denying the "deliciousness" of those cookies Rachel made. He also thinks it's cute that Rachel has such a sweet tooth. It makes sense, because she's pretty sweet.

"Did you make any for that dinner your dads are having tonight? Because if you did I might have to stop by and steal a couple," he says playfully.

"Well there's actually going to be a cake for dessert tonight," she answers slowly, "Because, well.. it's my birthday."

His eyes widen.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he exclaims, "I would have gotten you a present or something! Here, take this," he says, offering her his last oreo stupidly.

She giggles and takes the cookie from him, biting delicately from it.

"And I wouldn't have wanted you to come here to do _schoolwork_!" he adds, shocked at how this must be the worst birthday ever.

She laughs shakily, "No it's fine," she says, "I happen to love schoolwork, and my dads are throwing me a celebratory dinner later tonight, like I told you. The only people who are coming are my relatives from Columbus so it's not that big of a deal. But it's what we do every year. And it's not like I've ever had _friends_ to share it with before, so this is basically no different. At least I have one person my age to share it with this time."

Finn thinks this is the saddest thing he's ever heard. Sometimes he forgets how hard Rachel has it.

"I'm your friend," he says quietly, looking up at her.

Her eyes widen a little and suddenly his heart's beating really fast again and all he knows is that he wants to make her feel better. He leans in to give her a hug but somehow his lips have a mind of their own and decide to kiss her instead. He feels Rachel make a little noise of surprise as his mouth covers hers, but soon she relaxes into the kiss and presses her mouth firmly against his.

The kiss is soft and sweet and he starts to stir _down there_ but he doesn't even care because Rachel has these really soft, full lips, that feel so good on his, and she tastes like cherries and yumminess.

He doesn't know what comes over him, but before he can even think about what he's doing, he's kissing her a little harder and leaning his body over hers so that she has to lay her back against the couch cushions under him.

All that talk about food is making Finn realize just how delicious _Rachel_ is, and he wants to taste more of her so he slides his tongue into her mouth and explores the hot, wet, mysterious depths in there. She reacts right away, gasping a little at what he can only assume is a new sensation, before tangling her arms in his hair and responding with more confidence, allowing his tongue full entrance into her beautiful pink mouth. She tastes so good, and so silky, and so right. And he still wants more, so he moves his lips down to her neck and sucks gently on the tender skin there. He keeps going too, knowing that he's making a mark, and wanting to, because he wants Rachel to be _his_. And then a little purr comes out of Rachel's mouth that damn near makes him drop his load right then and there, and his mouth is back on her luscious lips in a millisecond, trying to somehow get as much of her as he can.

And now their bodies are now molded together and his hand is running up under her shirt and gliding along her smooth stomach. His head is dizzy from the touch of Rachel's unbelievably soft skin and the drug like exchange of their mouths' body liquid. Things are accelerating at so fast a speed he knows neither of them are going to stop this when they should. And he couldn't care less.

He's wanted to do this for so fucking long that it feels like Christ's second coming or something, and how could something that feels so freaking holy be bad?

Just as his thumbs move to (clumsily) unclasp Rachel's cotton bra under her shirt, the grating sound of a key in a lock disturbs them.

Rachel freezes underneath him and he makes like the freaking cartoon roadrunner and jumps off the couch. He jumps so far that his knee hits the corner of the coffee table on landing.

"Shit!" he yells loudly, just as his mom walks in.

There's a moment of indeterminable silence as his mom takes in the scene in front of her (Rachel trying to sit up and straighten her shirt and smooth out her hair on the couch, him recently injured on the floor).

She takes one long look at the scene in front of her.

"Finn dear.." she starts slowly, "What's going on?"

He looks at Rachel. This is the part where Rachel comes up with the good excuse for them. Only she's totally quiet and totally still, her face a mask of horror.

"This is uh.. Rachel." he finally says, after what seems like an eternity, pointing to Rachel, "We were uh... studying..".

His mom says "Uh huh," slowly, and then adds an "I can see that.."

She takes a couple steps closer and glances at the lipgloss on his mouth and then the hickey forming on Rachel's neck.

She waves her hand and motions for him to come talk to her privately. He gets up (wincing at the pain in his knee) and hobbles over to her.

"So does this mean you and Quinn are done?" she whispers to him loudly.

He turns around to see if Rachel heard.

She definitely did. Cuz now her eyes are filling up with water and she's grabbing her purse and her books and running out the door.

"Maaa!" he yells at his mom for hurting Rachel's feelings even though he should be the one getting yelled at and races after Rachel.

"Rach! Wait! I'm really sorry!" he shouts as he gets out the door, but she's already in her car and speeding off.

He lets his knees give out as he sits down on the curb of the sidewalk, letting his head fall into his hands. He can't believe he let that happen. He feels like he deserves the award for biggest asswipe on the planet.

He rubs his eyes in frustration. It's all just so unfair.

...


	17. ultimatum

Chapter 16. (early January)

...

[Sunday, evening]

Rachel looks at the list of text messages in her inbox. They're all from the same person, spread out over the last two weeks of break.

**Finn: I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I wanna talk. Can you call me back?**

**Finn: Please?**

**Finn: Fine, I'll just send an essay of a text then.**

**Finn: First off. I'm sorry. Second, my mom is too. And she wants me to tell you that she didn't judge you, and that she knows the 'adolescent years can be complicated' and you can talk to her if you ever want to (I told her that you don't have a mom). She also thinks it's great that you're carrying the responsibility of the musical on your back, and she admires the fact that you got her 'overly peer-conscious son' to sing in public. Lastly, I hate that you're mad at me again, and I don't want to go two weeks without seeing you knowing you're pissed. So yeah, you should call me back. **

**Finn: I don't think I ever said it today. So, Happy Birthday. I'm sorry I ruined it.**

**Finn: What are we gonna do about the project? You know it's due Monday after we get back. I'll memorize my part and everything, but don't you think we should practice it together at least once or something? **

**Finn: This can't go on forever Rach. You're going to have to talk to me sooner or later.**

**Finn: Merry Christmas Eve. I hope you have a good one, even though you're Jewish. **

**Finn: You know what would be the best Christmas present ever? If you texted or called me back. Merry Christmas. And Happy Hannukah. Even though I think Hannukah's over already. **

**Finn: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I miss you. Please call me. **

**Finn: Happy New Year's. Fresh start?**

**Finn: I'm going nuts. I know this sucks. I know I suck. But I just wanna talk.**

**Finn: I'm gonna try this one more time. I'm sorry I'm a pea brain douchebag who doesn't know how to handle anything. Please call me. **

**Finn: Seriously. I'm beating myself up. I need to see you before school starts. **

**Finn: That's it. I'm coming over. **

The latest one worries her. It was sent ten minutes ago, at 11:43 pm, and if Finn rings the doorbell this late, her dads are _not_ going to be thrilled.

She jumps a mile into the air when something cracks outside her window. The second time the noise reverberates, she sees it's coming from a small pebble being thrown on the glass.

No way. Finn would not be this cheesy.

The third pebble tells her that yes, he would in fact be that cheesy.

She hurries to her window and opens it in one swift movement. The biting winter wind rushes in, and she braces herself as she sticks her head out of the window.

And lo and behold, there's Finn Hudson channeling Romeo in her front yard.

"What light from, er, your window breaks? It's the um.. something, and Rachel is the sun!" he shouts, his arms thrust into the air comically. There's snow on the ground and he's in a giant gore-tex snow jacket, so he looks even more gargantuan and out of control in his huge frame than usual.

It takes her a second to stifle a giggle. Then she remembers that it's dead winter and her dads are asleep a few doors down.

"What in the world do you think you're doing?" she hisses, "It's below freezing out here!"

"Making my big apology!" he yells back.

"Shhh!" she hushes, "Hold on, I'm coming outside."

He smiles and says in a whisper so loud he might as well still be yelling, "Alright, I'll start the heater in the truck!"

She tiptoes downstairs as quietly as she can, and stops by the coat closet to slip on her rain boots and shrug on a parka over her pink polka dot pajama set.

Carefully opening the big oak front door, she steps into the pitch black night. The bitter wind swirls her hair in airy spirals as soon as she steps outside, and her boots crunch on the freshly fallen snow as she makes her way to Finn's car.

He opens the passenger door for her from the inside and she squeezes into his truck as quickly as she can to keep as much cold air out as possible.

"Are you out of your mind?" she asks, her teeth chattering, "Coming here in the dead of the night in the middle of Winter? Don't blame me when you get hypothermia!"

"I have no idea what that is," Finn says, tossing her the quilt he gave her last time she was in his car, "And you weren't answering any of my calls or texts, so I had to make sure you were alive."

She raises an eyebrow at the pitiful excuse, wrapping the faded periwinkle quilt around herself tightly.

"And you couldn't wait twelve hours to see me at school?"

He shrugs as he places his hands on top of the heaters running full blast, "Well at school you'd just ignore me, and I knew I needed to force a.. a.."

"A confrontation?" she offers.

He turns to her and gives her his signature goofy half-smile, "Yeah, that."

She has to look away. Or else there might be a repeat of what happened on her birthday. And she will not give into her animalistic urges like that again. Which means she has to be wary, because getting too close to Finn or making eye contact with him at the wrong second could instantly destroy all her fortified willpower.

"So you gonna tell me why you've cut me out of your life?" he asks.

She looks out at the blackness outside the window, tiny snowflakes have started fluttering. She vaguely thinks how odd it is that to the naked eye they appear to be just specks of white, but up close, they're these intricate and totally unique works of art.

"I just wanted a little time to clear my head," she replies semi-truthfully.

He puts his hand on her shoulder to try to get her to look at him. She stiffens.

"You could have just told me that, and I would have left you alone," he says, "at least for a little while."

"That's the problem isn't it?" her voice cracks involuntarily, "We can't seem to stay away from each other, even though we should."

She summons up the courage to look at him, and sees his forehead is creased.

"I know," he replies defeatedly.

"So what do we do?" she asks.

His lips purse to the side as he puts his thinking face on.

"I don't know. All I know is that I don't want to stop spending time with you," he answers.

Her heart leaps, and she waits for him to continue, but he doesn't.

So she says, "I like spending time with you too."

There's a beat. "More than I should..." she adds.

She gives him this window of opportunity to start talking again. But he doesn't use it. He just nods and looks down guiltily.

She feels like crying. Why can't he just say that he wants to be with her and is going to do something about it? When she had seen him here, outside her house, her heart had been full of hope that maybe, finally, he'd broken up with Quinn for her. He's so good at _acting_ like he truly cares. If only he'd _prove_ it.

"Well I can't go on pretending that nothing happened," she says resolutely, "That there's nothing between us."

He runs his hand through his hair in confusion.

"I know and I'm not asking you too," he says, "I wish it didn't have to be this way. You have no idea how much I wish things could be different, but" his voice is heartbreakingly distraught, "But this is just how it is."

"If you were really Romeo," she whispers, her head down, "You wouldn't care about the social conventions that stated you couldn't be with me."

Finn heaves a battered sigh, and Rachel looks at him to see his face full of anguish.

"Rach, if we get together, the whole school's gonna go out of whack! I'm not strong like you Rachel, I can't deal with getting slushie'd every day, I can't pretend like having no friends and being made fun of is okay. See, the thing is, _you _know you're better than everyone else, and that makes you able to deal with all that shit. But _I_ know just as clearly that I'm _not_ better than everyone else, and therefor my friends and my popularity are all that I have."

She wrinkles her brows angrily. Why can't he stand up and be a man?

"So you just want to sit there passively because you're not willing to take a chance?" she says in a loud, quivering voice, "Because you can't look past the danger factor to see that you could be missing out on something potentially incredible? Finn! There's only one thing stopping you from being better than everyone else, and that's yourself! If you just have the courage to disregard everything else to follow your heart, I promise you, none of what anyone else thinks, says, or does, will matter. I mean, can't you understand that the only things worth having are the things worth fighting for?"

Something flashes across his eyes, and in a split second he's moving across the truck's bench seat towards her, his eyes on her mouth and his intentions obvious.

...

He wants to kiss her with everything he has so he just goes for it.

She's like a motivational speaker or something. And she just inspired him to follow him heart, and his heart is leading him to her.

That's the only way he can make sense of what he's doing. Even though he knows it's wrong and god damnit he should learn from his mistakes. But he's not good with words so he wants to communicate with his body that he _does _think she's worth fighting for. And that everything she represents- music, passion, dedication to one's dreams- are worth fighting for. But that he's not brave enough yet to head into battle. Although he really really wants to. He just, can't figure out how yet.

...

Her eyelids fall farther and farther down as she follows his oncoming lips. She knows the reason time is seeming to slow down is because her body is pumping adrenaline to her brain and making it process information at a super fast rate. She saw that on the Discovery Channel once.

This random thought is enough to make her briefly step out of the daze that Finn puts her under when he acts like this, and she manages to whisper "Stop," before his lips can meet hers.

"Why?" he asks throatily, not moving an inch.

She can feel his hot breath on her mouth.

"Because I asked you too," she answers (why does she sound out of breath?).

"But you don't really want me too," he accurately assesses in that incredibly attractive low voice of his.

She turns her head and gives him the cheek as he moves in to close that last centimeter. Her heart races at the light brush of his lips against her cheekbone.

He leans his forehead against her temple and sighs in defeat. She lets her eyelids flutter shut at the contact. She doesn't think she's ever wanted anything more in her life than to turn around and let Finn have his way with her.

But she's stronger than that.

She pushes the quilt off her and moves to open the door.

"Wait, don't go," he says, grabbing her elbow to keep in her place, "I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. Forget that happened."

She looks back at him and realizes he's pleading. She pauses and starts counting. He has three seconds to give her one good reason to stay.

He lets go of her arm.

"The real reason I came here tonight was cuz," he continues, "well, I have something for you."

She looks at him, utterly befuddled.

"Here," he says, reaching into the back to get something out. She watches as he hands her a small but long wrapped box covered in iridescent gold wrapping paper, "It's your belated birthday slash Hannukah slash I'm sorry present," he explains.

She takes it tentatively, like it could be dangerous. Like it's Pandora's Box or something, and opening could release a whole new flood of mind-tampering young love that will make her further push all her morals and principles under a bus. Carefully, she unwraps the paper to find a long white box with a Lima's Jewelers logo stamped on top of it.

She looks at Finn in shock, he didn't actually get her jewelry did he?

Lifting the white lid, she find another black box inside. She takes it out, and opens it cautiously. Inside lies the prettiest thing she's ever seen- a delicate gold charm bracelet, with a tiny gold musical note hanging down from the center it.

"It matches that necklace you always wear, the gold one with the chain as thin as a thread with the tiny star thingy? I remembered when you explained metaphors to me, and how the gold star is your favorite. And so I thought a gold music note was a perfect metaphor too, because music is your life, and you're so talented at singing and the musical's what brought us together and stuff. Plus I figured it's cool, cuz now I can get you a charm every time I need to get you a gift, until it's all full of charms."

The fact that he expects to get her gifts for a long time to come doesn't escape her notice. But she knows that Finn isn't that well off, and this looks much too expensive.

"I can't accept this," she says, but her hands keep their grip on the box.

"Well you have to cuz it's yours," Finn says, "And don't worry about the cost, I gotta lot of money for Christmas so it's all good."

She looks at him and sees in his eyes that there's no way he's going to let her give this back.

"Thank you," she whispers, "It's beautiful". And it is. She thinks it's the most precious gift she's ever received in her life. Because it came from him, and he put so much thought into it. Her hands tremble as she tries to remove it from the box to try it on.

"Let me help you," he says softly, taking the bracelet from her.

The fragile bracelet contrasts against his big, rough hands, and she's almost afraid he'll break it. But he doesn't, although his fingers fumble clumsily as they surround her small wrist to clasp it.

A random thought pops into her head. What did he buy Quinn for Christmas? Nothing this expensive and stunning and thoughtful she assumes.

A scene from one of her favorite romantic comedies, Love Actually, suddenly flashes before her eyes. When that one old guy (the one who was in Sense & Sensibility who also plays Professor Snape in Harry Potter) has an emotional affair with that striking looking assistant, and buys her that gold ruby heart pendant necklace for Christmas, while getting his wife a CD.

Is this what this is? A hush hush present? Suddenly the bracelet transforms into a garish materialistic trinket before her eyes.

She unclasps it deftly and holds it in her fist angrily, feeling the metal dig into her palm.

"Is this why you came here?" she asks him, the tone of her voice back to fiesty Rachel Berry mode, "To shower gifts on me like a mistress, and see how far you could get with me this time?" She throws the bracelet violently back into the box and drops it on the floor.

"No!" he practically shouts in consternation, "That wasn't why, not at all! It's a special gift cuz you're really special to me Rach. And I came her cuz I just wanted to see you and have you talk to me again-"

"Don't worry," she cuts him off in a calmer, more controlled voice, "I won't ignore you again. I recognize that it would be infantile of me to get upset at you, as this is all as much my fault as it is yours. But I can't accept that gift if I want to keep any vestige of self-respect for myself that I might still have. And in the interest of conserving that self-respect, I'm afraid I have to give you an ultimatum: if you insist on remaining with Quinn, we can't associate on any terms outside the musical domain. I don't trust either of us when we're alone."

She opens the door and jumps out of his truck before he can reply. When she gets to her door though, she can't help but turn around to look at his unmoving truck. The light's still on so she can clearly see him as he slams his head repeatedly against the steering wheel.

She opens her door and walks into her dark house grimly. At least she's not the only getting torn apart by this.

...

_A/N:_

_Because I don't say this enough, THANK YOU to all of my insanely awesome reviewers. You guys consistently make me smile :)_

_And I know some of you guys are getting really frustrated at Finn, but I'm going to take this as a compliment, because _I_ was really frustrated with Finn while watching the first thirteen episodes of the show. Don't worry, in the next couple chapters, something's going to happen to reverse things and make Finn finally realize how stupid he's been (however, this will not be Jesse, because I despise that character's guts and wish he'd been eaten by a lion)._


	18. ticking bomb

Chapter 17. (early January)

...

[Monday, morning]

Rachel evaluates her appearance in the mirror in her locker before homeroom. Like usual, she arrived at school too early and now she has nothing to do but occupy her time meaninglessly until the bell rings. Her eyes wander to the spot on her neck that'd been bruised for almost a week after her birthday.

At first she'd seen the hickey Finn had given her as a nuisance, and had just been thankful it was winter so her successive choice of turtlenecks couldn't raise any suspicion with her fathers.

But now that it's gone, she (like the revoltingly pathetic _girl_ that she is) kind of misses it. As if the mark was a little piece of Finn that she got to keep.

The only piece really, as the rest of him belongs to that evil, conniving, manipulative-

She starts the breathing exercises her therapist taught her to do when the fury wells up in her like this.

It was her own choice to let Quinn and her cruel parasitic friends in the musical. Just because she's now dreading musical rehearsal because of the black cloud their presence will put on it, it might actually have one positive side effect. It will force her to stay away from Finn.

...

Finn walks into the crowded school in a sour mood. Rachel ignoring him over the break was absolute torture. And the worst part was that he knew he deserved it. And like the dick he is, when he finally got a chance to make things right last night, he screwed up again because he can't be around Rachel without wanting to freaking kiss her and take all her clothes off and... Well, yeah.

He honestly can't help it. He's just constantly drawn to her, like she's an extra strong magnet or something, and he doesn't know how to ignore it, even though he tries like crazy.

Like now, he sees her at her locker, and even though last night she told him they had to keep their distance, it's like his legs have a stupid mind of their own and he just can't stop them from walking over to her.

...

The next thing she knows, she sees the person she's been thinking about steadily approaching.

Her eyes get big as he stops right in front of her, leaning his elbow against the locker next to hers.

"Hey," he says quietly, looking down at her seriously.

Rachel tries to ignore him as she takes a couple books out of her locker (are they the right ones? she honestly can't say). But it's really hard because he's standing extremely close to her and the smell of his aftershave is a little bit intoxicating. When she finally slams her locker and looks up to meet his gaze, she feels positively light-headed.

"I'm sorry about last night," he starts (he looks really conflicted), "I know it's wrong for me to keep putting you in that position but.." he looks away to try to find the right words, "I just can't help myself," he focuses his eyes back on hers, "I don't know why but when I'm around you I lose control."

He looks so forlorn, she just wants to jump into his arms and bury her head into his big, broad chest. She mentally berates herself. That stupid impulse is what got her involved in this whole mess in the first place. She can't find words yet though, so she stays silent.

He takes this as a sign to keep talking.

"At first I kept telling myself that it was just hormones and your incredible talent but then.. then I realized it was something more. But when I decided to be brave and do something about it, the universe shot me down like you wouldn't believe, so I just decided to take the easier path again and now I'm unhappier than ever. And I just don't know what to do anymore, because it's like that one saying.." he thinks for a second, "it's like choosing between a rock and a hard place."

Rachel feels the tears welling along her eyelashes. He sure knows how to make a girl feel good about herself. So which is she, the rock or the hard place? Ughh, why does he have to be so indecisive? Why can't he just make his stupid choice and be done with it? Why does he have to keep stringing her along like this, it's so inconsiderate and hurtful and..

She looks into his face and she knows it's not intentional. He just.. doesn't get it.

He's oblivious to the pain she's feeling, and suddenly his face lights up, as if he just invented the next sliced bread or something.

"You're like my kryptonite!" he practically shouts.

Anger begins to replace the sadness.

"Superman's worst enemy?" she questions caustically.

"No! Superman's weakness!"

He's still apparently really excited that he came up with such a good analogy.

She has to suppress an urge to slap that smile right off his face with her binders.

"I apologize for the imposition," she replies sarcastically, "I'll try to refrain from inflicting anymore of my intruding presence onto you."

She pushes past him in an attempt to make a dramatic exit, but he grabs her arm tightly and spins her around in one quick motion before she can.

"I didn't mean to make you mad again Rach, I just don't understand why you had to give me that whole 'all or nothing' deal. I've been thinking about this a ton, and I think it'd be a lot easier to make a choice if I, you know, had Rachel, my _friend_ with me to help figure it all out."

She accesses her inner Rachel Berry strength instead, she needs to stand her ground.

"I meant what I said last night Finn," she tells him harshly, "Everytime I try to be 'there' for you, we just end up engaging in lascivious and wanton activities that go beyond the textbook 'friend to friend' support. And I'm not going to let you treat me like some second rate kept woman any longer. Rachel Berry is nobody's mistress and if you can't break up with Quinn to be with me, then you don't get to be with me at all."

She turns around, ignoring his protests.

"But Rachel it's not that simple!"

She forbids herself to look back. She won't let herself fall for his puppy dog eyes this time around.

She's _in love_ with him, and all he can do is compare her to some stupid green rock from a comic book. She's done with being the stupid, naive, boundlessly compassionate young girl. Her heart is no longer going to be a doormat for Finn Hudson to trample on whenever he feels like it.

...

Finn trudges to 1st period History in an even blacker mood than he was before. He likes Rachel. A lot. Way more than he ever liked Quinn. Way more than he's ever liked anybody. It shouldn't be this hard. It should be as simple as pie really. Why isn't he with her again?

Puck slaps him on the back as soon as he walks in the door of class.

Oh yeah. That's why. His stupid as dirt friends who think that anything different is something that should be attacked.

"You'll never guess the genius plan I came up with last night to make both of our lives even more awesome this semester," Puck says to him, as they make their way over to their usual seats in the back.

Finn's still sore about what happened over break. But Puck texted him a couple days after the whole paintball attack and fave him a half-ass apology (even though he still hadn't come clean about being the one who blew his secret), and Finn really didn't have any choice but to accept it.

He sighs as he sits down and takes his books out of his backpack, preparing himself for another one of Puck's lunatic ideas.

Puck leans over his desk dramatically and says, "I'm gonna make Rachel Berry my girlfriend."

Finn chokes on his spit and tries to pass it off as a cough.

Puck slaps his back and asks, "You okay dude?"

"Yeah," Finn hacks, before adding, "And that's the stupidest plan I've ever heard. You and Rachel hate each other. Because you bully her remember? Plus, she already rejected you," he pauses, "And how would this make either of our lives awesome?"

"Dude," Puck scoffs, "Don't question the brilliance of the Puckerone okay? I saw her at temple over break at the Hannukah service, and she's fucking hot man. Not just like, 'hot for a girl I slushie' hot, but legitimately hot. And I had no idea she was Jewish. My mom's been hassling me to date a Jewish girl for fucking ever, and Rachel's a perfect choice. I mean, have you seen that ass?"

Yeah, Finn's definitely spent a lot of time 'seeing' that ass.

"That still doesn't answer my questions," Finn replies.

"You're such a 'tard," Puck replies, "I wasn't using the full force of the Puckasaurus charm when I first asked her out," he explains, "And obviously if I date Rachel, you'll get a lot less shit for being in the musical, cuz I'll make her cool, and _I'll _get some hot Jewish ass. It's a win-win."

Finn brings his eyebrows together in thought, grasping at straws here, before asking, "But how do you know dating Rachel will make her and the musical cool? It could just as well make _you_ uncool."

Puck gives him a condescending look.

"You're forgetting that I'm a total stud. I could wear a dress to school and make it cool."

Finn swallows hard. Is confidence all it takes to pull off this kinda stunt? Has he been freaking out about this whole Rachel thing for nothing?

...

Rachel gapes at the grape slushie in her hand and the mohawk'd reprobate standing in front of her handing her a straw. This has to be some sort of joke.

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out some time," Puck says, stuffing his hands in his pockets in an almost_ vulnerable _way that she's never seen from him before.

Why is he acting so nice? So normal? So _not_ evil? Could he maybe actually really want to date her? _Openly_?

She gives her head an imperceptible shake to remind herself that she's Rachel Berry, and there's no way any popular guy at school would want her to be his girlfriend publicly. Finn's taught her that much. This is probably some huge prank. Or worse, some notch on his bedpost he wants crossed for bragging rights. She can see it clearly in her head, Puck's signature self-congratulatory smirk- _Hell _yeah_ I banged that prude Rachel Berry. And she's definitely as big of a _freak_ in bed too._

She goes on the defensive and crosses her arms, "You can't be serious," she says, "Do you think because you threw me into a dumpster after I rejected you last time, I'd be too afraid to reject you _this_ time? Because if so, you are sorely mistaken."

"Babe," he juts his head out towards her, his nice guy act being replaced with his typical attitude, "I don't get why you're playing so hard to get. We both know I have the best guns at this school," he lifts his shirt sleeve and flexes, "And we're both two good-looking Jews, why _wouldn't _you want get up on this?"

She turns crimson. He's a dog, just as she suspected. She opens her mouth to give him a little piece of her mind.

...

Finn walks out of 4th period just in time to catch Puck epically fail at putting his 'plan' in action.

He's standing with Rachel in the middle of the hall, and Rachel's throwing her hands up in the air like a spazz.

"Out of all the classless, degenerate, and recidivous ways to court a girl!" Rachel's voice carries throughout the entire hallway as she puffs her chest out indignantly, "I politely _decline_ your offer."

Finn holds in a laugh. He wishes he'd been there to catch what Puck had said to her. His pick up lines can sometimes be seriously painful.

He watches appreciatively as Rachel turns around in a rage, her hair fanning out as she purposefully storms away.

Puck lets out a low whistle as he sees Finn staring.

"Fuckin' sexy," Puck mouths to him, exaggeratedly following the path of her butt with his eyes.

Finn feels the pit of his stomach lurch. Even though Rachel refused Puck, like Finn_ knew _she would, he doesn't like where this might be heading. Not one bit.

He's gonna need to get his shit together. Like, stat.

...

[Monday, evening]

Rachel checks the big clock backstage nervously. Quinn, Finn, Brittany, and Santana are all running late. A clearing of the throat from the small group sitting on stage brings her attention back to her fellow cast members who had the decency to show up _on time_.

"Are practices going to start this late into the night every Monday?" Kurt drawls, "Because it's seriously going to skew my skin care schedule."

She rolls her eyes. She's already stretched thin, why does Kurt always have to complain and make everything exponentially more difficult?

"I already explained this in the email," she tells him, "We can't start the newly added Monday rehearsals until 7 because there are too many schedule conflicts at every other time."

Kurt crosses his arms and huffs. Rachel thinks he looks like a chicken fluffing its feathers.

"I have a concern I'd like to voice as well," Artie says, putting one finger in the air.

"Yes?" Rachel asks a little shortly.

"What are we going to do about our lack of a full cast? Yes, with the addition of the Cheerios we're a little better off, but we still have several key characters, like Bernardo and Chino, uncast."

Rachel sighs loudly as she puts her hand on her hip defensively.

"I am aware of that," she replies, "I'm hoping the Cheerio's presence in the musical will generate more interest in it. If we're lucky we'll be able to scout a few more people to join. And if we're not, well..." she pauses and looks around, "I guess we'll just have to manage by compounding character lines and the like."

Artie gives her a dubious look, as if he's doubting the future of this musical more and more with each day that passes.

"Whatever," Mercedes says, getting up from the shiny black floor, "These bitches are late, and whoever said we had to wait for them?"

Almost on cue, the three Cheerios walk in through the audience entrance. Brittany and Santana have their pinkies linked, while Quinn comes in a couple steps behind them, Finn in tow.

Rachel's stomach lurches the way it always does when she sees the two of them together. But now that stomach ache is even worse now that guilt is on top of it.

She shivers a little and shoves the discomfort down and clears her throat to commence the rehearsal. She's got a job to do.

...

Finn wipes the sweat from his brow as he makes his way to the backstage bathroom during the half way rehearsal break. Opening the door, he breathes a sigh of relief as he enters the empty, slightly dingy small space. He can finally pause to think.

And what he thinks is- this is the most torturous musical rehearsal ever. For three reasons. First, he thinks Rachel might have scheduled a ton of dancing today _just_ to punish him, and even though it might not look like it, dancing is hard, and _real _exercise. And the second reason? Well Quinn's been all over him (touching his hair, holding his hand, and dancing to him as closely as possible) and it's getting really uncomfortable, especially in front of Rachel. Which brings him to the third reason- Rach hasn't even looked at him once in the hour and a half they've been practicing.

He goes over to the sink and splashes water on his face to try to clear his head. This is such a disaster.

He wants to break up with Quinn. He really does. But she's been so nice lately. She _did_ join the musical just for him, to be a good girlfriend. Plus she figured out how to deal with the dudes, to give him some slack for singing and dancing and stuff. And that was cool. But he's also kinda afraid of her. Cuz he knows the only way she was able to do that was because she has power, and if she wanted to, she could point that power at him with her wrath and make life a kajillion times harder.

But he really likes Rachel. And it's going to suck really badly if she doesn't change her mind and won't even let them be friends. _And_ it's dishonest to be with one person when you like another person more.

He grits his teeth as he remembers he hasn't been being the most honest person of late anyways.

He looks at his reflection in the bathroom mirror darkly. He'll sleep on it. Give it some time, a few days. Maybe he'll come up with a miraculous solution to all this.

When he comes out of the bathroom, he hears Rachel's voice coming from behind the back stage screen.

"Who is this? And why do I have five missed calls from you?" he hears her say in a quiet voice.

He stops in his tracks, like the creeper he is, to hear more.

"I won't lie, I admire your determination Noah, and I'm flattered that you want to date me, but truth be told, you're just not my type."

He suddenly feels sick and his ears start buzzing in anger. Five missed calls? Puck wasn't fucking kidding.

"I'm busy Noah, and this isn't up for discussion. Goodbye."

He hurries away before she can catch him eavesdropping.

Quinn's waiting for him on stage, smiling sweetly as he walks dutifully over to her.

As she pulls him in for an unnecessary kiss, he gets strangely anxious. As if there's a ticking bomb counting down, and if he doesn't make his mind up soon enough, it'll be too late.

...


	19. blindsided

Chapter 18. (early January)

...

[Friday, morning]

Puck blindsides her and seems to appear out of thin air.

"Alright Berry," he says cockily, "I've finally come up with an offer you can't refuse."

She crosses her arms and rolls her eyes in preparation for this new onslaught of pick up lines. He's been bugging her relentlessly over the past few days.

"You. Me." he begins, pointing from himself to her minimal breasts, "Dinner at Breadsticks. Then my house. Then my guitar. Then my voice. Serenading you."

Rachel raises an eyebrow. This is the best thing he's come up with all week. And dare she admit it? She's impressed. She didn't know that there was any room for artistic talent in that brew of bullying knuckle dragger.

Since she hesitates instead of flat out automatically refusing him, Puck knows he's found her weakness.

"Come on," he nudges, wiggling his eyebrows, "You _know_ you wanna find out if I'm any good at singing.."

"Well.." she starts uncertainly, "I will admit I _am_ a tad curious."

"It's a date then," he smirks, "I'll meet you at Breadsticks at 7," he says before sauntering off.

Rachel straightens her shoulders a little bit.

Why not?

If this is a joke, well she's faced humiliation before. And if it isn't? Well firstly, it might make Finn jealous. He still hasn't broken up with Quinn. And except for a couple of (unreturned) phone calls and uncertain smiles in the hallways, he hasn't done anything to show her that he's even considering it.

And secondly? It might give her a one way ticket into the in crowd. And if she becomes popular by the default of dating someone popular, she might be able to get a full cast for her musical. Besides, she's always had this bizarre pathological need to be popular. _She_ thinks it's because she wants practice for fame, and adoration and reverence from her fellow classmates is like fame on a smaller scale. However _her therapist_ wrongly assesses that it's because she needs validation that she's loved. Which is absolutely ridiculous.

Her fingers tightly grip the straps of her favorite pink backpack. There's really only one person who's love she'd _really_ like to have. But with each passing day that's seeming like less and less of an option.

Puck is, for lack of a better word, hot. And frankly, she'd be doing herself a disservice not to give him a chance.

If Finn doesn't swoop in to whisk her off her feet when he sees that she's dating someone else, then at least she'll have an opportunity to get over him (a voice inside her head says, _yeah right_. But she ignores it).

Her daddy once told her that the best way of mending a broken heart is to look for another person with the right kind of tape. Puck could be that person. So what if it seems like the laceration Finn left in her heart is permanent and the only boy in the whole world who could put it together is the incisor himself? Her shoulders slump.

_Stop over-thinking this_, she tells herself, as she strolls to her first period class. It's just a date. She should just be normal and remember that finding true love in high school is laughable and unpractical, and keeping an open mind about possible suitors is healthy.

...

Finn feels like his head has been thrown in a washing machine. And it's been like this all week.

He sees Quinn walk through the door of their 3rd period Geometry class. He's glad that there's assigned seating cuz he's been trying to avoid Quinn as much as he can. Hell, he's been trying to avoid everyone. Mostly cuz his mom says 'solitude is the best way to get your brain juices flowing and know they're yours and not in there because someone else put them there and influenced you'. But it was pretty shitty advice cuz when he's alone and he thinks too much he just gets really tired and hungry and, after awhile, angry.

Well, at least when he thinks about Rachel. Who hasn't changed her mind about the whole 'all or nothing' deal. He thinks she's spoken three words to him all week. And this 'ultimatum' she gave him (yeah he definitely had to dictionarydotcom that) has been all he can think about. The best idea he's come up with so far is to have both him and Rachel transfer to a different high school, maybe East Lima High. But he doesn't think people are allowed to do that unless they move into a new district. And he doesn't _really_ want to change schools, cuz he kinda likes McKinley, and he likes having friends, and being the quarterback of the football team, and the classes that are supposed to be a lot easier than ELHS's and, surprisingly, the musical and Artie, Mercedes, Tina, and even Kurt (who freaks him out sometimes) too.

So once again, he's back to square one with no idea in hell of what to do cuz he's like one of those stupid sheep in that dream of his, too afraid to stray from his comfort zone.

A tap on his shoulder makes him jump, and he sees Quinn sitting in the empty desk behind him. He looks to the front of the class in confusion and sees that their teacher is late.

"Why didn't you text me back last night?" she asks.

Um, because all she had written was that Rachel was 'unbearably bossy and annoying in rehearsal today' and he didn't think that was cool, even though it was kinda true.

"I dunno," he says dully. He's been kinda lame lately on purpose, hoping maybe _she_'ll break up with _him _if he's unresponsive enough.

"Well," she continues, not phased at all, "Santana's having a 'first weekend of second semester party' tonight."

He gives her a look that he hopes she reads as 'and what does this have to do with me?'

"She's also pissed that you haven't gone to her last two house parties," Quinn goes, "So it'd be really rude if you didn't come to this one too."

Finn tries to search his brain for an excuse that he hasn't used recently.

"I already called your mother and she told me you were free," Quinn says, giving him a sharp look, as if she's daring him to contradict his own mother, "How about you pick me up at 8 and we go together?" she finishes in a fakely sweet voice.

He sighs exaggeratedly and looks in the other direction.

"Fine," he consents.

Quinn's eyes narrow at the treatment she's not used to receiving.

"And on the car ride there we can discuss what's been _bothering_ you lately and making you act like such a jerk."

She gets up and moves to her regular seat.

Why can't she just take the hint and break up with him already? At least if _she_ does it then he won't have to be afraid of what's gonna happen if he does it. Which, the more he thinks about it, is going to have to happen soon. Cuz he doesn't think he can live like this, live with himself, much longer, unless he does.

...

[friday, evening]

Rachel walks into the restaurant feeling self-conscious. What if he's not here? What if he stands her up? What if-"

She breathes a sigh of relief as she sees Puck waving to her from a booth in the center of the restaurant.

Walking over, some of her nerves mollified, she takes a seat across from him. He smiles at her, a smile totally lacking anything rude or suggestive, and she smiles back.

"You look scorchin'," he tells her, and she laughs a little, smoothing her ruffled crimson blouse and flared black skirt.

"Thank you," she replies, "You look quite dapper yourself."

He's actually just wearing a wife beater and hoody, his usual garb, and there's not much you can do to spruce up a mohawk, but she thought she'd be polite.

Puck hands her a menu and they each peruse it silently.

...

Puck looks up at the girl from his menu. He already knows what he wants, he gets the steak and mashed potatoes every time. But he needs something to do with his hands.

She really is fuckin' scorchin', like he said. He feels like a blind idiot for not noticing it before, cuz she's seriously like, top notch. Definitely as hot as Santana, and almost as hot as Quinn.

He stares at her for a little while longer. He thinks it might be the nose that made it so hard to tell how sexy she was. Because that's all you could see at first. But when you actually look? Damn.

Not to mention that fucking tight as hell, perfect little body. If she just dressed better, and was his girlfriend, he could definitely go all 'She's All That' (screw his little sister for forcing him to watch that crap) on her and make her popular. Then they could be like, the Jewish royalty of McKinley.

She looks up when she feels his eyes on her and blushes a little.

"You know what you want yet?" he asks, covering his staring up.

She bites her lip in a way that, he's not gonna lie, gets him half hard, and answers "I'm not sure, do you know if any of this is Vegan?"

"What's that?" he asks.

"Food that doesn't include meat or any other animal byproducts like milk and cheese," she explains, "_I'm_ a vegan."

He raises an eyebrow. This is Ohio, Vegetarians are rare as fuck. But not eating milk and cheese and stuff too? That's just plain crazy. But he guesses he should have expected it, as this _is_ Rachel Berry.

"Oh, um, I don't know," he mumbles, glancing over the menu in front of him again, "I guess you could ask?"

"Okay," she nods, and he waves the waitress over (who already introduced herself to him while he was waiting for Rachel).

She's old, skinny, and frumpy, and walks over with her pad slowly.

"Ready to order?" she asks in a bored voice.

Puck turns to Rachel who asks, "I have a question, do you use any milk or butter in the mushroom risotto?"

The waitress rolls her eyes a little and says, "No, it's an olive oil and herb based sauce."

"Perfect!" Rachel says, closing the menu and handing it to her, "I'll have that, and a lemonade please."

"Steak and potatoes," he says, sliding his menu over too, "And a refill for my coke too."

The waitress turns around and they're left alone. Now for the hard part.

He's gonna have to try really fucking hard to be on his best behavior around her. He knows one little thing will set this fiesty girl off and all this hard work will have been for nothin'.

But the problem with that is, he's not used to talking to girls in like, a non-sexual type of way.

"So," Puck begins awkwardly, "Whadya think of Rabbi Greenberg?"

Rachel looks at him a little funny before replying, "I think he's a perfectly adequate rabbi. I don't go to temple as much as I should, as should be apparent by the fact that I'm here on this date with you on a friday evening, and part of the reason for that is because he's a bit dull and stuffy, but my experience has shown me that most rabbis are, and-"

He zones out at this point, choosing to focus on how red and full her lips are, especially when they're moving so much while she talks.

Well that was easy. Now he knows that he can just ask her a question and she'll just babble on with her answer, leaving him free to think about other things. Like how freakily straight and white her teeth are, and how awesome it'd feel to have them graze his-

"Noah?"

Her voice rings clearly like a brass bell and brings him back to earth.

"Yeah, I totally agree," he says.

She smiles and he knows he lucked out and said the right thing.

"I have to ask," she starts, looking a little nervous, "Why did you ask me out? And why were you so persistent after I declined?"

He thinks for a second.

"Well, you're really hot," he says, and she gives a little shy smile, "And, you're Jewish, which is cool, cuz I'm Jewish too, so we'll understand each other, and.." he tries to think of something that will make her really happy, what does this chick love most? Oh yeah, "And man Rachel," he finishes, "You can_ sing_."

The small smile widens so that he can see all of her shiny blinding white teeth.

Jackpot. He is so _golden_.

...

This isn't so bad. He seems to really like her, for everything that she is, unpopular weirdo and everything.

"So," Puck starts, grinning rambunctiously, "How do I look for a second date?"

She feels her smile fade as she realizes something.

This is a date. Her first real date with any boy ever. And it's with Noah Puckerman, when it should be with..

She stops herself. That's a bad line of thought to be following.

"I think this should just be dinner," she says, "Between two people who are trying to get past their initial impressions of each other to get to know the real people behind the labels," she says pertly.

"Sounds like a date to me," Puck retorts.

"Well I'd rather it wasn't," she answers.

"Why?" Puck asks, obviously a little offended.

Rachel holds her hands together tightly in her lap. He's being so nice, she might as well be truthful.

"I'm going to be honest with you Noah, I.. I have feelings for someone else."

Puck's eyebrows stitch together in confusion, and then raise in understanding.

"It's Finn right?"

Rachel feels herself blush again. Are her feelings that overt? First Kurt, now Puck, how does everyone know?

"Why would you say that?" she asks defensively.

Puck shrugs, "Well, first of all, 90% of the girls at this school have a crush on Finn," he says bitterly, "And you guys are in the musical together right? It's not that hard to put two and two together."

She breathes a sigh of relief, he just used logic and statistics (who knew he had it in him?).

"I'm gonna do you a favor," he continues, looking at her seriously and ignoring the waitress who's currently placing their food on the table between them, "Finn and Quinn are never gonna break up. Trust me, I've known them both for a long time, and I'm pretty sure they're gonna be that couple who get married and have kids right outta high school. Because let's face it, she's the cheer captain, he's the quarterback, she's gonna be the homecoming queen and he's gonna be the king, and that's just the way things work, they're the two best looking kids here. But you know what? I think you and me come in a close second, so it's just as natural for us to date too."

Rachel chews a bite of her risotto thoughtfully.

Being the perceptive young woman that she is, she can't help but notice the undercurrent of resentment in Puck's little monologue. But she's not sure why it's there. Is he jealous of them? Jealous that they're the two people in their grade more popular then him? Or is it something else?

She swallows.

"I'm truly sorry Noah, but I just don't think I could be in a relationship with you when my heart belongs to someone else."

Puck's eyes darken and he cuts himself a large slice of steak messily.

"So I guess you don't want to come over after this then?" Puck asks before stuffing the huge piece of animal carcass into his mouth.

Rachel bites her lip, well she _is_ extremely curious to see if he has any talent.. But if she goes over, he might expect her to.. kiss him or something. Which is something she is not, under any circumstances going to do.

"Yeah, I don't think so. But I really hope to one day hear you sing Noah."

She wonders vaguely why he hasn't rudely corrected her for calling him 'Noah' yet.

"We _could_ go to Santana's party," he offers, in between chews of deceased cow, "Sometimes I play guitar at those things, and I guess it wouldn't hurt if I sang a little too."

Rachel takes another dainty bite of her risotto (it's not that great) and a sip of her lemonade before responding, "I don't think I'd be welcome at any party of Santana's," she says.

"Come on," Puck replies, spooning at least half of his mash potatoes to consume in a single bite, "You guys are all in the musical together now right? And I can bring whoever I want to those things, nobody's gonna question the _Puckmeister_. Live a little," he urges.

Rachel smiles a little at the way he refers to himself in the third person, with those hilarious little nicknames.

Live a little. The phrase echoes in her mind.

"Alright," she relents, "Let's go."

...

[friday, night]

Finn swishes the caramel colored drink in the plastic red cup and chugs it, slamming the empty cup down on the ping pong table. There's a small gathered crowd in the basement watching the game going on, and the sounds of Jay-Z are seeping in from the living room upstairs.

He takes the damp white ball in his hand, steadies it, aims, and throws it right into the last remaining cup on the opposing team's side.

The people around him cheer loudly as he's crowned Beer pong champion.

He smiles a smile that only reaches the corners of his mouth as he accepts the stupid congratulations. There was once a time when he _loved_ this kinda stuff. Now he wonders how he ever found this _fun_.

His head spins a little as the alcohol's effect shoot up towards his brain, and he thinks parties might just be an excuse for high school kids to get drunk. And getting drunk might just be an excuse to do stupid things.

"Finny!" Quinn squeals, throwing her arms around him sloppily. He returns the hug half-heartedly and looks at the clock. It's only 9 pm. He's going to have to stick around for at least another two hours before he can plead curfew (even though his mom's totally lax about it).

He feels Quinn bring her mouth to his ear.

"Let's go to somewhere private," she says in that giddy voice of hers, before nibbling on his ear a little too hardly.

Finn winces and removes her roaming hands from his chest.

"I'm uh, actually pretty hungry," he says, "I'm gonna go up to the kitchen to get something to eat. Want something?" he asks.

"You know I don't eat after 4 pm Finny!" she slurs, obviously already wasted (she doesn't usually talk about her borderline eating disorder habits).

He sighs and takes the drink out of her hand.

"Whatever Quinn, just lay off the juice kay? I think you've had enough for one night."

She smiles at him and says, "Aw you're so sweet, worrying about me.." she pokes him in the chest, again, a little too hardly.

He turns around and heads up the stairs, where the music's pounding even louder. Up in the house, the people are even more rowdy. What looks like a freaking rave is going on in full force in the dining room.

He steps into the kitchen and sees that Amanda Jenkins (a volleyball player) and Jason Cooper the Lacrosse team captain are flirting in front of the refrigerator, so he heads over to the pantry.

"Finn!" Jason calls when he sees him, "When's the next basketball game?"

"Next Friday," he answers, without turning to the dude cuz he's trying to find potato chips.

"Cool man, think we have a chance?"

Finn shrugs, "Maybe." Where are those damn potato chips? Santana always has some at these things.

He turns around to the two other people in the kitchen, "Do you know where the chips are?" he asks.

"I think I saw some in the living room," Jason says, "Here I'll go get them."

He's out the door before Finn can tell him that that's not necessary.

Why do people treat him like he's some kinda mob boss or something? He leans against the wooden pantry door and sighs.

"Where's Quinn?" Amanda asks, walking over to him flirtatiously and tugging the sleeve of flannel shirt.

Finn groans inwardly. Not again. He recognizes what she's doing. It reminds him of a lion stalking it's prey. Whenever girls see him at parties without Quinn, they _always _hit on him. But he's never cheated on Quinn. Well, not 'till he met Rachel.

"Downstairs," he answers, "Waiting for me."

The tall, blue eyed brunette backs off immediately, right when Jason walks in with the huge bag of chips.

"Thanks dude," Finn says, taking the bag from him.

"Anything for McKinley High's MVP!" Jason practically hollers.

Finn smiles weakly before walking out of the kitchen.

He practically bumps into Quinn as he makes his way out of the club/dining room.

"There you are!" she shrieks, taking his hand, "Let's dance."

He barely has time to hide his chips in a big vase before she leads him to the floor and starts flailing her arms around him.

"I hate dancing!" he shouts at her over the music, trying to escape. But she holds him in place, and there are too many people around to put up a good fight.

"Then why'd you join the musical?" she shouts back.

Touche.

He really wants to reply 'Cuz Rachel's awesome and I wanted to spend more time with her.' But he doesn't. He just grits his teeth and stands there like a mannequin for ten minutes until she finally lets him go find his potato chips.

As he's removing the crinkly bag from the big porcelain decoration, he hears the front door slam noisily, and Puck's unmistakably loud voice.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the _Puckerone_ has arrived and the party can officially begin."

Quinn's back at his side with a new drink in her hand, and her face lights up when she hears Puck's announcement.

"Yayyy!" she slurs in a high pitched voice, "Let's go say hi! Maybe he'll help Mr. _Debbie Downer_ over here get in a better mood," she says, giving him a pointed glare.

"There's no such thing as a _Mr._ Debbie Downer Quinn," he tells her, taking her new drink out of her hand because he really doesn't want to have to deal with her puking tonight, "Debbie's a _girl's _name."

"Thanks Captain Obvious," Quinn responds quickly, "Let's go."

Finn puts the bag of chips under his arm so he can hold Quinn's drink 'till he finds a trash can, and follows his girlfriend towards the front hall to greet his friend. They both stop dead in their tracks when they walk in only to see Puck standing there with _Rachel_, introducing her to some of the dudes from football and the hockey team, and a couple of Cheerios.

His first thought? It's like seeing a dolphin in a shark's tank.

His second thought? What. The. Fuck.

...


	20. flying then falling

Chapter 19. (early January).

_A/N:_

_I am seriously overwhelmed by the response to the previous A/N. Like, I wish you guys knew how much your support means to me- I guess all I can say is, THANK YOU for being so wonderful :) I hope this uber long, goliath of a chapter shows my gratitude!_

_The song Rachel sings is 'Flying High' by Jem. Listen to it if you want to understand why Finn & Rachel get all hot and bothered afterwards :)_

...

"**hidin' somewhere in the night."**

...

[Friday, evening]

As soon as she walks into the large, cookie-cutter suburban house, her senses are on the alert for Finn. She knows that this is Santana's place, and that Santana is Quinn's best friend, herego Finn, Quinn's boyfriend, will likely be here. And isn't that part of the reason why she agreed to go on this date with Noah in the first place? To make Finn jealous? Well how could he get jealous if he never found out about it.

It only takes about a minute of painful introductions ('Oh hi Jeff, yes I do think we've met, remember when you threw spit balls at me every day in Biology freshman year?) for her hypothesis to be proven correct.

When she feels his stare boring into her, she turns her head to find both Finn _and_ Quinn, at the end of the foyer, looking at her like she's a special exhibit at the zoo.

And even though there are a million more pertinent things she should be concerned about right now, she can't get over how darn handsome Finn looks in his letterman jacket, white t-shirt, and jeans. It's like everytime she sees him, his good looks startle her and make her mind go totally askew. It's terrible.

After a second that lasts a lifetime, Quinn throws her hand over her mouth and runs to where Rachel can only assume is the bathroom. Finn meanwhile, looks down at a red plastic cup in his hand and swallows its contents whole.

All of a sudden, Puck's by her side and putting his arm around her.

"So babe, wanna drink?" he asks, his mouth a little too close to her ear.

Rachel shrugs out from under his arm and looks at him toughly, "Need I remind you that I agreed to attend this rendezvous with you as a _friend_? Don't make me regret my decision."

Puck rolls his eyes, "Fine, whatever babe, I'm gonna get me a beer. And I'm asking you _as a friend_, if you would like a drink. I'm pretty sure there's beer, soda, and this red fruity girl drink Brittany always makes, and maybe water. I can also bring you something a little stronger, and by stronger I mean straight up Smirnoff, Cap'n Mo, or Cuervo.."

Rachel rolls her eyes and responds, "Water will be fine. But if there's only tap then I'll try that fruit juice you mentioned."

Puck smiles at her, "You got it babe."

Rachel's about to tell him off for calling her babe but she gets distracted when Finn starts walking towards her resolutely, his hands clenched by his sides. She wonders what was in that red plastic cup, a little liquid courage perhaps?

When he gets to her, he puts his hand on her back and steers her towards a quieter section of the foyer, by the foot of the stairs.

"You're not _with_ Puck, are you?" Finn asks.

Rachel crosses her arms and looks at him square in the eyes, "So what if I am?"

"Well.. Well.. then that'd suck for you cuz he's a slimeball and a manwhore," Finn answers, his voice raising angrily.

"At least he's _single_," she responds, her voice just as taut and irritated as his. Part of her is furious that he thinks he has the right to comment on her dating life when he has A GIRLFRIEND, and the other part's feeling a little smug that her plan is working.

Finn shoots her daggers with his eyes and lowers his voice.

"I didn't think you were like this," he says quietly, his eyes lit with a simmering vehemence.

Rachel lifts her eyebrows in disbelief. Who does he think he is?

Finn turns around and exits, crossing Puck on his way out. When Puck nods to him, he kicks the chair sitting next to the shoe rack in a burst of anger.

Rachel flinches in shock, she's never seen Finn get so mad like this. He's usually all bumbling naivete and subdued sweetness.

Puck approaches her and hands her an impossibly red drink.

"What's up with him?" he asks Rachel, nodding his head towards the fallen chair.

"He's mad about a song I'm cutting from the musical," Rachel lies, smooth as ice.

Puck laughs, "What a closet case."

Rachel takes a sip of her drink and squints a little at the bitter aftertaste.

"What kind of fruit is this made of?" she asks Puck.

"How should I know? Something artificial probably," he answers.

Rachel nods her head. That explains the icky quality it has. She usually only drinks organic and freshly pressed/squeezed fruit juice.

She takes another sip, liking the unusual warmth it sends down through her insides.

...

He goes into the living room where the drink table is set up and pours himself two straight shots of Captain Morgan, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand angrily when he's done.

He's so fucking pissed. He can't remember the last time he was this pissed. That came out of nowhere! Okay yeah, he knew Puck was trying, but he'd never thought Puck would actually have a chance. He'd pushed his worries about those two to the back of his mind because he didn't think Rachel would ever, in a million billion years, go for Puck. And how could she? How could Rachel do that to him? How could she pretend like she liked him_ that _much and then turn around and date _Puck_? PUCK? The sleaziest, nastiest, dude ever. Her feelings for _him_ couldn't have been real, if she could move on to NOAH PUCKERMAN that quick. She just must obsess over things and then get over them with a snap of the fingers. Easy come easy go. Too bad she tricked HIM into liking her so much that he might have given up everything he had to be with her.

Wow. Wow. That was a close one. He had been on the verge of making the stupidest mistake of his life.

"Finn!" Santana yells at him from across the room, "Your sloppy girlfriend just passed out in the downstairs bath tub and this is MY party and I'm not gonna spend the whole night taking care of her."

He blinks and is returned to reality. He heaves a sigh and gets up from the armchair he'd sat down in to fume, and heads to the bathroom.

He finds Quinn in the bathtub, just as Santana said, her head resting against the edge over her arm, snoring softly.

He watches her for a second, trying to feel something for her. But he can't, when he sees her, all there is is blandness, annoyance, pity and a little bit of disgust at the piece of barf in her hair. All that he once felt for her is completely gone. And he knows exactly who to blame for that.

But Santana's right. She's _his_ responsibility cuz she's _his_ girlfriend, whether he likes it or not. He goes to the sink and pours some water from the faucet into the glass there before kneeling down next to her.

"Quinn," he says loudly, shaking her shoulder gently.

Her eyes open blearily and she smiles when she sees it's him.

"Finny," she whispers, running a hand along his cheek.

"Hey babe, drink some of this," he says, giving her the water.

He guides it to her mouth and she takes a couple gulps before sitting up a little straighter in the tub.

"I am so drunk!" she says, as if it's big news.

"Yeah, I know," Finn answers, putting the cup down so he can place his hands under her to pick her up, "Let's get you to Santana's room, you were planning on sleeping over anyways right?" he asks.

"Mhmm," she mumbles, leaning her head against his shoulder.

Like the good guy that he is, he carries her all the way to Santana's bedroom (protected with a 'do not enter' sign and caution tape) on the other side of the house, even though he's starting to get pretty drunk himself, and there are like, a thousand people he has to shove through on his way there. Once he gets in though, there's already a couple of sleeping bags prepared, so he just drops her (gently) on top of one.

"You're good right, like, you don't think you're gonna need to go to the emergency room or anything?" he asks, just wanting to make sure (his mom's briefed him on the horror stories of binge drinking).

She rolls over on her side and mumbles, "I'm fine, I just wanna go to sleep."

He tiptoes out of the room and closes the door gently behind him. He takes a second to catch his breath in this more isolated section of the house. The alcohol's making his head even foggier than it usually is, and he just wants to pretend that what Rachel told him half an hour ago never happened.

He begins to slump out of the quiet hallway. As soon as he's almost back to the where the party's going on full force though, a worried looking Rachel comes _in_ the hallway, almost bumping straight into him in her urgency. Her face brightens when she sees him and she immediately jumps into his arms to give him the biggest hug ever.

He's more than a little confused. But even though he's mad as hell at her (although he hasn't quite figured out yet if his anger's justified), he can't bring himself to let go. His hands wrap around her waist instinctively and his head falls into her thick shiny hair. Her tiny body feels more right pressed against his huge one than words could ever say.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers into his neck, "I lied. Or I didn't lie, but I was intentionally misleading. Puck and I are just friends. I made that very clear to him before coming here with him. And wow, you smell really good. Have I ever told you that? How good you smell? It might be my favorite smell in the whole wide world."

He breathes a sigh of humongous relief as she slides down his body until her feet reach the floor. Still confused as fuck but feeling a thousand times better. She's not with Puck. That's all that matters.

"I hate that we're not talking," Rachel pouts up at him, continuing, her words a little wobbly, "Did you know you're my_ best_ friend Finn? Or you were.." her words trail off and she looks at a big family portrait next to his shoulder.

It's at this point Finn realizes she's drunk.

"Err.. Rach, have you ever had alcohol before?" he asks her.

"Of course not silly," she says, standing unsteadily on her tiptoes to flick the tip of his nose playfully, "I would never want to alter my state of consciousness in any way, shape, or form. I like my mind exactly the way it is thank you very much."

It's at this point, when he can't stop laughing, that he realizes that he shouldn't be talking cuz he's pretty drunk too.

"Rach," he says in between (manly) giggles, "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think you've somehow had some alcohol _tonight_."

Her pretty eyelashes seem to lengthen as her eyes go big.

"What?" she asks with grave seriousness.

He takes the cup that's in her hand and sniffs it.

"Yup, that's definitely Brittany's famous deadly kool-aid."

Rachel puts her hand on the wall to steady herself.

"I'm drunk?" she whispers to him in horror.

"I think so," he whispers back, even though he's not sure why they're whispering.

"How appalling!" she says, "How do I get.. well.. undrunk?" she asks.

"You pretty much just need to sit it out, water and food helps somewhat, do you want me to get you some?" he says, pointing his thumb towards the kitchen.

Rachel looks as if she's thinking real hard.

"You know what?" she says stoutly, throwing her head back a little shakily, "I don't think I want to get less drunk. I feel quite pleasant, and frankly, quite liberated. What's wrong with being a typical high school student for one night? I think I'm going to try it. Excuse me Finn," she pushes past him, "But I'm going to go _party it up_. I shall find you in a little bit and inform you as to how successful my endeavor turns out to be."

And with that she's out of the hallway and heading towards the music in the dining room.

He knows that he shouldn't follow her. That everyone and their mother is at this party and people talk. That he just tucked his wasted girlfriend in a sleeping bag a couple yards away. That he and Rachel have some stuff to discuss. Stuff that he doesn't wanna have to deal with right now with his head spinning the way it is. And that he's still got less than nothing figured out. But the alcohol coursing in his veins is making all of that seem unimportant tonight, and he just wants to have some fun, with Rachel.

...

She sits down on the big leather couch in the living room right in the middle of it all, a wave of dizziness suddenly making her incapable of standing. She tried dancing for about all of five minutes where people were raving it up in the dining room, but she didn't really understand the 'socially accepted' dance moves her fellow students were demonstrating (she got a couple mean looks when she had tried to do a pirouette) so she moved here.

Puck's nowhere to be found and she can only presume he's found another girl more willing to let him 'get some'. She quietly observes the drunken antics of the students around her, letting the cacophony of loud noises and inebriated conversations fill her ears. No one notices her observant eyes, they're all too wrapped up in their own little intoxicated worlds. And watching them with a sort of drunkenly distorted perception of it all makes her feel oddly.. zen.

Finn comes in a couple minutes later, scanning the crowd for her. When his eyes land on hers, her mouth stretches into a massive smile involuntarily. She can't help it. It's like an automatic reaction, whenever she sees that boy, she smiles. She likes smiling. Smiling is fun.

Finn tilts his head in the direction of the patio, indicating for her to follow him outside.

A nagging thought tells her that that isn't a good idea, but she can't for the life of her think why not.

She gets up off the couch and follows the crimson and gold colors of an extra large Varsity Letterman's jacket.

A tingle of anticipation courses through her body as she passes through the screen door. She's feeling rash and free, like she could do anything, as if there are no consequences to worry about. It's like her internal organs have all morphed into liquid metal and she just feels like twirling around and letting go.

There's a group of kids getting stoned around the patio table to her left, and to her right is Finn heading around a dark corner.

She feels like the pink panther tiptoeing after him, and has to try to suppress her giggles so she doesn't look like a maniac.

When she turns the corner, he almost frightens her out of her skin by whispering "Boo!" and squeezing the sides of her stomach.

"Finn!" she slaps him lightly on his substantial chest, "Don't scare me like that."

He's holding his sides he's laughing so hard.

"This is not funny Finn Hudson," she tries to sound serious, sticking her pointer finger at him like a teacher would to a disobedient child, but failing miserably at being convincing.

"I know I know I'm sorry," he smiles at her and leans against the wall, folding his arms in that effortlessly charming way of his.

She looks around and sees that they're in that narrow, side-walk like space that lines the side of the house. Totally alone.

"Why did you bring me here?" she says in an exaggeratedly hushed voice (why does alcohol make everything seem like a big secret?), mimicking his pose on the fence across from him.

"I dunno. I just wanted to be with you somewhere more quiet," he says, "I've missed you."

She looks up and tries to find his eyes through the darkness. She's missed him too. So much. And he's not making the moves on her or anything, they're just talking, so she knows that he really does value their_ friendship_ too.

"We could go back inside if you want to," he offers, "I saw Santana setting up her karaoke machine in her dad's office, and I know you'd be down for that."

She lets out an overly excited "Ooh!" which has Finn bent over in stitches again.

She laughs too, just because his is contagious, with those crinkles around his nose and eyes. He's just so gosh darn cute, yet devastatingly handsome at the same time. Why hasn't she been talking to him again? When being around him makes her happier than anything else ever could?

"Well what are we waiting for then?" she questions, "Let's go!" And with that she begins skipping in the direction she hopes leads back to the house.

...

Finn holds back a smile as the little brunette stumbles in front of him in the dark. She's going in the opposite way, towards the gate that leads to the driveway.

It isn't until they hit the dead end that she realizes something's wrong.

He roars with laughter.

Drunk Rachel is pure entertainment.

"Are you making fun of me?" she asks, pouting her bottom lip, "because it's not my fault that I'm not at my usual high level of lucidity. It's the fault of whoever failed to tell me there was alcohol in that kool-aid! How was I supposed to know? I've never even had kool-aid before!"

Finn takes in a deep breath to calm himself and asks, "How much did you have anyways?"

"That's the weird part, I only had two and a half!" She emphasizes the word by shoving two fingers in his face. "Two and a half!" she repeats, her voice a decibel higher.

He bursts out laughing again.

"Well," he manages through uncontrollable spurts, "You are kind of tiny, so it makes sense that you're a lightweight."

She opens her eyes all big in that way of hers.

"What's a lightweight?"

"It means you can't take your alcohol," he answers, grinning like a fool at the little pixie. For once _he's_ the one explaining to her what a word means.

"And I suppose you think _you_ can Mr. Funny bone?" she responds back, with what he thinks might be the lamest comeback of all time.

"Mhmm, I do," he smirks.

She takes a step closer and straightens herself up to her full five feet and two inches.

"Well I beg to differ," she states stubbornly, raising her head to look up at him.

There's an unmistakable beat as their eyes meet, the fire that's always there between them, flaring up. And it takes everything he has not to press her against the gate and give her a kiss that would knock both their socks off.

"We should.. we should probably get inside," he says hoarsely. He's gonna try to do this right this time. Think everything through before just following his stupid impulses. And he can't trust himself right now, not when he's this drunk.

She blinks twice before nodding slowly and turning around.

They both grab another drink when they return to the house. After Rachel's polished hers off, she gives him a challenging smile and says, "So, karaoke?"

He laughs and shakes his head in agreement and they walk towards their destination. They reach the door where students are singing flat choruses of lame pop songs. Rachel puts a hand on his chest to stop him from going in first.

"Don't ruin my grand entrance," she whispers, "I need to show these kids how it's done."

He has to cover his mouth to stop the laughter threatening to make him fall on the ground as she walks into the room like the freaking Queen of England. She is too hilarious.

He comes in a few seconds later, just in time to see Rachel snatch the microphone from a confused Cheerio.

Flipping through the catalogue briefly, he hears her say into the mike, "As I suspected, nothing suitable."

Her eyes light up and he knows she has an idea. She takes out the CD that's in there to apparently perform acapella.

He finds a spot against the wall to lean against as she starts humming softly in preparation. He hears a rude whisper to his right, "What's _she _doing here?" and shoots the culprit his best stink eye.

And then she starts singing and the rest of the world fades to grey.

"_You can't know, oh no_

_You can't know_

_How much I think about you, no_

_It's making my head spin_

_Looking at you_

_And you are looking at me_

_And we both know what we want_

_Hmmm, so close to giving in"_

He just feels so damn good right now. All warm and free and loose. And Rachel's gorgeous voice (it seriously takes him by surprise how amazing she is every. single. time.) is heightening the awesome mood he's in.

_"Feel so nice_

_Oh yeah you feel so nice_

_Wish I could spend the night_

_But I can't pay the price_

_Oh no, no"_

He's never heard this song, but he likes it, likes it a lot. It's.. hot. And Rachel's singing it all low and sensual, and her voice sounds like the smoothest honey ever.

_"But I'm flying so high_

_High off the ground_

_When you're around_

_And I can feel your high_

_Rocking me inside_

_It's too much to hide"_

He can't take his eyes off her. She looks part angel part sexpot singing this song. And he's not gonna lie, there's definitely some movement going on in his pants right now.

_"I know, oh yes_

_I know that we can't _

_Be together_

_But, I just like to dream_

_It's so strange _

_The way our paths have crossed_

_How we were brought together_

_Hmmm, it's written in the stars it seems_

_Feel so nice_

_Oh yeah you feel so nice_

_I'd love to spend the night_

_But I can't pay the price_

_Oh no, no"_

He creases his eyebrows a little together at this part. Rachel once told him that she speaks through her music, expresses herself in a way she never can with just words. He thinks he knows exactly where she's coming from with this song.

He forgets this a second later, losing himself completely into the wafting notes of her flawless, unbelievable voice.

_"And I'm flying so high_

_High off the ground_

_When you're around_

_And I can feel your high_

_Touching me inside_

_And it's too much to hide"_

Her eyes are closed now, that little line between her brows is visible, the one that always tells him how into the song she is.

_"Back to earth_

_Where did you take me to_

_I know there's no such thing_

_As painless love_

_Well it'll catch us up_

_And we can never win_

_But ohhh_

_I feel so alive_

_Ohhh_

_Just wanna hold you_

_Hold you so tight"_

It's official. He's never seen anything sexier in all of his 16 and a half years of life. And he's freaking horny as hell now. Aw shit.

_"And I'm flying so high_

_High off the ground_

_When you're around_

_And I can feel your high_

_Touching me inside_

_And it's too much to hide_

_And I'm flying so high_

_High off the ground_

_When you're around"_

...

She opens her eyes to see Finn's agape mouth from across the room. She thinks he might even be panting slightly. She's breathing a little heavily too. She knows the song she just sang was hot. And now she's _feeling_ hot, extremely hot.

Weaving her way through the crowd, she slowly approaches Finn. For once she couldn't care less about a crowd's reaction to her performance, because all she sees is him.

Just as she reaches him, she steers a little to the left and goes out of the room. When she turns her head to look back, she sees that he didn't miss a beat and is three steps behind her. She gives him her best 'come hither' look and tilts her head towards the stairs. She wants _him_ to follow _her_ this time. And he does.

Deep down she knows she shouldn't be acting like such a.. harlot, but she really really wants to. Screw consequences, she's only a teenager once, why can't she be the one to make stupid decisions sometimes? _Live a little._

Looking around, she makes sure no one's paying attention. They're not. She discreetly walks up the stairs, and waits for him at the top.

He's there before she can count to five Mississippi's. She locks her fingers with his with one hand and opens the first door she comes across with another. It's a bathroom. They move down the corridor and she tries another one, it's locked. They reach the end of the hallway and finally find an empty guest bedroom.

Letting him go in ahead of her, she locks the door from the inside slowly. She can hear her accelerated heartbeat in her ears. She's never felt so _bad_ in her life. What is she doing? But then he sits down on the edge of the big queen sized bed with a leopard print comforter and smiles at her, his hand still holding hers, and she thinks that something that feels this right can't be that wrong.

Neither of them have said a word but they're looking at each other intensely and they both know what's coming. He takes her two hands and pulls her towards him, positioning her between his open legs. Her breath hitches in her throat as he entwines his arms around her waist before leaning his head down against her chest and inhaling deeply.

They're just making the most of this moment, enjoying it for what it is, pure _wanting_, untainted by the messy real world. She tries to memorize the feel of his big, strong arms around her, the scent of his soft hair on her collarbone...

"Mmmm," he whispers into the top of the curve of her left breast, "I think your smell might be my favorite in the whole wide world too." The feel of his damp mouth moving on that sensitive skin makes her extra _extra_ drunk. She places both hands on his shoulders and nudges herself closer in between his legs, so close that she bumps into something extremely hard and big in the middle of his pants.

And suddenly his head's up and he's looking at her like she's the most stunning entity in the entire world and she can't take it any longer so she leans down and brings her lips to his. His mouth greets hers hungrily, and the kiss just feels so right that she could cry. He run his hands untuck her blouse and burrow their way underneath, the tips of his big calloused fingers leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. His tongue begs entrance into her mouth and she opens it vigorously to let him in. She tastes beer and potato chips as their tongues collide fiercely. Her hands move of their own accord and take off his jacket hurriedly, so she can place her hands all over his big, perfect chest and try to feel all of him at once. She knows they're on borrowed time and she wants to make the most of it.

His hands somehow feel like they're everywhere at once, and she's tumbling into him like she's in free fall. He's sending her into this glorious state of unrestricted pleasure and she's not even thinking about how morally wrong this is because it just feels so incredible. Unlike anything she could have ever imagined.

Finn suddenly grabs her butt with both of his hands and lifts her up so that she can place her knees on both sides of his hips. And now she's right on top of that big, hard, _youknowwhat_ tenting his pants, and it's like her body is taking over, grinding into his crotch as they kiss furiously. And now all she can think about is how amazing that lower part of her feels, rubbing against that pressure in his jeans, and how it suddenly needs more, badly.

And that's when she realizes that she's about to descend into a tailspin of desire and instinctual urges that could possibly result in her losing her virginity to a guy who has a girlfriend. At a house party. Where they're both wasted. It couldn't get any more tawdry.

"Wait, wait," she whispers into his mouth, her hands frozen underneath his half-removed t-shirt, "What are we doing?"

He looks at her with those perfect, innocent, almond-shaped eyes, still heavily hooded with lust. And she has to look away before she can lose her resolve.

"This is cheap, and tasteless.." she murmurs, detaching her body from it's locked grip with Finn's.

"Nuh-uh," he responds incoherently, moving to pull her back on him.

"Crap," she mutters, fully getting off both him and the bed. She places her hands on her temples, "How could you let this happen again?"

"Me?" Finn questions slowly, still not fully recovered, "You were the one who-"

She puts a hand up to stop him. She can't bear to hear it.

How could she let herself get drunk? Let her senses and _conscience_ get impaired like this? She's always been so responsible! How could she let herself act like such a forward, inconsiderate, S-L-U-T!

"This was the last time," she says quietly, literally on the verge of tears because of how disappointed she is with herself. She doesn't know why she suddenly feels so level-headed, but it's like the shock of what she was almost willing to do acted like a bucket of ice cold water to bring her back to normal. She needs an answer from him, once and for all.

"If it weren't for the unfortunate appearance of alcoholic tonight, I would have never acted so inappropriately," she tells him quickly, "I'm not some physical play thing for you. This actually _means_ something to me, so unless we end it now, or begin something legitimate, I'm done with you, for good."

"Wait wait," Finn squints his eyes in disbelief, "You think this means nothing to me? Because you're wrong.. It means _everything_ to me."

He gets up off the bed and takes a step closer and she immediately takes one back. She physically loses all impulse control when he gets too near, and she needs her brain on right now. She needs to remember why this is wrong, how he's treating her.

"What am I supposed to think Finn? I know a lot of guys get a kick out of cheating on their romantic partners, that there's some twisted adrenaline rush to be derived from it," she turns her head away in shame. How could she be _that _girl?

He grabs her thin bicep and turns her around to face him.

"That's not what this is," he tells her passionately, "How could you ever think that? What we have is real."

She stares at him defiantly for a couple seconds. Tears are streaming freely down her face now.

"Then prove it."

It's a test. It all comes down to this, how he reacts.

Finn looks at her, not knowing what to do, what to say, what she wants.

So he just stands there. And she's about to break down in heaving sobs if she doesn't let her anger out right now. She makes a mental note never to consume alcohol again, it's seriously bad for her mood swings.

"How could I even let myself fall for you?" she yells, officially in hysterics "You're such a massive cliche and I'm the total opposite! How could I, the girl who refuses to be ordinary or average, like a farm boy like you who just wants to fit in! FIT IN!"

Finn brings his brows together in confusion, "Hey, I don't live on a farm okay? And what's a klee-shay?"

Rachel screamed in frustration.

"Exactly! You're the quintessential ignorant midwestern jock- with your stupid blonde girlfriend and your stupid pick-up truck and your stupid cow tipping friends! I guess I thought I saw something in you that set you apart. I guess I thought you might have big dreams and big ideas like me. I thought you were different. But obviously I was wrong."

Finn looks at her, visibly hurt, before saying quietly, "I always thought you'd be the last person in the world to call me stupid. I guess it really must be the truth."

"Oh don't try that reverse psychology crap with me mister! I practically invented that. And I never used that particular adjective to describe YOU, I was merely-"

Finn raises his voice to interrupt her, "Have you ever stopped to think that this is just as hard on me as it is on you? All these new, scary things keep happening to me, and I keep getting attacked by all these new, scary feelings- which is all _your_ fault by the way- and I don't know what I'm doing and I don't have a dad or anyone to talk to about any of this. I was doing perfectly fine before you barged into life and made me want.. more," he stops frustrated, and takes in a deep breath, "But you got one thing wrong in your pretty little speech. I might be a jock. I might be stupid. And I might be a 'klee-shay'. But that doesn't mean I don't have big ideas and big dreams too okay? In case you didn't notice, I'm a pretty big guy and EVERYTHING about me is big. You're not the only one in this town who wants to get out."

Her lip's bleeding because she's biting it so hard to stop crying.

"Fine!" she yells in response, "You're a stupid predictable jock who's BIG. Congratulations!"

And with that she twirls around dramatically and storms out the door.

...

She regretted the words the second they came out of her mouth. But her anger and stubbornness forbade her from turning around to apologize.

All she wants is for him to run out after her and stop her. So they can exchange 'I'm sorry's' before kissing and making up, after which he'll go and break up with that trollop Quinn Fabray and then confess his undying love for her and drive her back to his house where they can do some more kissing and then some other stuff after that and then...

But she's getting carried away. She hears no hurried footsteps behind her. Finn is never going to care about her the same way she cares about him. She should minimize her losses now and put in her best effort to get over him.

And she knows just what to do.

Hurrying down the stairs, she spots the mohawk she's looking for right away.

Practically meeting him with a running start, she throws her arms around his neck and kisses Noah Puckerman square on the lips. He responds enthusiastically, dropping the beer in his hand to grab her butt and deepen the kiss. She almost crouches away in revulsion when he licks her lips with his sloppy tongue and puts his hands all over her back. Kissing Noah doesn't feel anything like kissing Finn. It's like the difference between Godiva truffles and cheap Hershey's chocolate. One makes her want to moan on contact with pleasure, and the other just sort of tastes like glorified cardboard. But she won't think about that right now. The rest of the kids in the room are whooping and hollering and cheering. She'll think about that, even though it feels like she's in a bad teen movie.

This is what she's always wanted right? All eyes on her, a cute boy who actually wants to be with her and isn't afraid to admit it...

Too bad it's all wrong.

...

Finn sits on the tacky leopard print comforter with his head in his hands.

Why had he frozen when Rachel asked him to prove his feelings to her? Why hadn't he ran to Santana's room to tell Quinn it was over for good? Because it _is_ over with Quinn. It's been over with Quinn since the moment he heard Rachel sing.

But Rachel said all those mean things to him.. Just like Quinn always does. Would she even be a better girlfriend? Or would all girls just bring him down in the end?

No. Rachel isn't like that. He knows that for sure. She was just hurt, like she should be. He's been treating her so unfairly.. He's only been thinking about himself this whole time and all the pressure _on him_, rather than about how badly he might be hurting her.

Rachel's words echo in his mind, and after a couple seconds of letting them soak in his head, he has a revelation.

He _is _different. He _does_ have big dreams and big ideas. And he can make them realities if he can just find the courage to be true to himself and to fight for what he truly believes in.

And Rachel was the one to show him that.

It's in this instant that he realizes for the first time just how much she means to him. What she teaches him, what she inspires in him, what he feels when he's with her.. it's worth any price he has to pay.

Running out of the spare bedroom, he excitedly races down the stairs. He can't wait to tell Rachel he's sorry and that she's right, and that he wants to change for her.

He halts at the bottom of the stairs as he registers the clapping and wolf-whistling around him. His eyes follow the gaze of the crowd of people into the spectacle in the middle of the living room.

His heart drops.

Rachel. + Puck. + Puck's fucking tongue shoving itself down Rachel's throat.

He begins to panic.

What did he just do? What did he just lose?

...


	21. bad timing

Chapter 20. (early January)

_A/N:_

_Many apologies for the delay in getting this up! School has started (ugh) and I've been unbelievably busy. I also think I've been a little reluctant to write these next few chapters because I just want to get them over with so we can move on to the good stuff! Unfortunately, they're kind of essential to the story so I'll have to trek through. I will definitely try to be quicker on my updates from now on though, but I can't make any promises :/ On another note, who's excited for Tuesday? :):):)_

...

[Sunday, late afternoon]

All he'd wanted to do when he saw Puck and Rachel making out in Santana's living room was rip the two apart with his bare hands.

But then he'd remembered that he had no right too. That he'd brought this 100% on himself.

So instead he'd gotten out of the house as quick as he could and locked himself in his car that was parked two streets down. He'd been too drunk to drive (great planning on his part, as usual) so he'd called his mom to tell him he was sleeping over at Mike Chang's, and had instead sat in his car until dawn, listening to depressing music, fading in and out of sleep, and feeling sorry as shit for himself.

He hasn't done much else since. Seriously, he's spent his entire weekend listening to sad songs, playing video games, and lying on his stupid stupid stupid ass doing absolutely nothing.

He called in sick for basketball practice on Saturday, and he thinks he might skip school tomorrow too. He just feels so low that he can't bring himself to want to do anything. It really sucks cuz he knows that his misery is all his own fault. And it makes him want to hide in his room and never come out for fear of what else he'll epically screw up.

He's sitting on his bed, against the headboard, staring at the patterns of his cowboy wallpaper. He plugs his headphones in and switches the song to The Smith's 'I Know It's Over' and lets the deep tones of Morissey's voice wash over him. At least one other person knows how it feels like to be such a huge slab of uselessness.

He rolls over on his stomach and groans.

Apparently he falls asleep cuz next thing he knows his mom is shaking him to wake up.

"Finn honey, it's 6 in the evening, why are you sleeping?"

He opens his eyes blearily, feeling crusty and shitty.

"Sorry, I guess I fell asleep listening to music."

His mom gives him a worried look.

"Well, it's dinner time," she says.

He rolls back over onto his stomach and mumbles, "I'm not hungry."

His mom's eyes widen in disbelief.

"I don't think I've ever heard you say that."

Yeah. That's cuz he's always hungry. But not tonight.

"I know, I'm just.. not feeling well."

His mom walks over to him and puts her hands on his shoulders and pushes him up into a sitting position.

"You're a growing boy Finn, you need to eat," she says, her hands on her hips, "And I made chicken casserole, you love chicken casserole. Just come downstairs and we can talk about whatever's bothering you and maybe once you smell the food you'll want some. I've been working so much that I hardly ever see you honey, let's take advantage of the little family time we have."

He heaves a huge sigh before consenting, "Fine."

He follows her downstairs and into their small dining room, where their little round table's already set. Sitting in his usual seat, he scoops a small helping of casserole onto his plate. Tonight, one of his favorite dishes just looks like dirty, goopy rags to him.

"Alright honey," his mom says as she puts some fried zucchini on his plate, "spill."

He looks up at his mom's careworn face. He can tell she's tired from her long day at work, but she still wants to hear about his troubles. He really doesn't want to do this, but what the hell does he have to lose at this point?

"Remember Rachel?" he starts, "The one who I'm in the musical with who you met that one time..." he stops at the memory of that awkward day.

"Of course," his mom answers, chewing thoughtfully on a bite of casserole, "The pretty one with long dark hair."

Pretty. Talk about the understatement of the century.

"Yeah, her. Well..." he pauses, is he really going to talk to his mom about this? He shrugs, it's not like he has anyone else he can talk to.

"I like her. I've liked her for a long time, even though I'm with Quinn. And at first it wasn't that hard cuz even though I was into two girls at once, Quinn was my girlfriend and I just had to bury my feelings for Rachel because it was easiest just to stay with Quinn. But the more time I spent with Rachel, the more I realized how special and one of a kind she was, and I started liking Quinn less and less. So then I tried breaking up with Quinn because I wanted to date Rachel instead, but then I got paintballed cuz the dudes found out I was in the musical so I got back together with Quinn-"

"Wait," his mom interrupts him, "What does being in the musical have to do with dating Rachel?"

"Both make me uncool," he explains.

His mom gives him a dubious look before letting him go on.

"But then I started to like Rachel _so_ much, that I started feeling shitty, I mean er, sucky, like all the time. In the end though, she like, inspired me to be brave, because Rachel's like that, she believes in you in a way that makes you want to better than you really are, but by the time I realized that I was going to dump Quinn for her for real and not care about what my moron friends said or did to me, it was too late. And now she's with Puck."

He hangs his head down low, knowing his mom's going to be disappointed by how he handled all this.

"So let me get this straight," his mom speaks up after a second of taking it all in, "You're currently dating Quinn, when you like Rachel more, who likes you too, but is now with Puck."

"Yeah," he says glumly.

"Oh honey. I wish you had spoken to me about this before it got out of hand," she leans over the table to rub his shoulder gently, "One day you're going to realize that the only person who's opinion or judgment really matters is your own. Any friend who would attack you with paintball guns for doing something you love is no friend at all."

"Well then I guess have no friends then," he says, mushing the fried zucchini into the casserole on his plate.

"Oh really? It doesn't sound like _Rachel_ would ever do that to you," his mom responds.

He looks up. It's true, but...

"She wouldn't," he replies, "But she dropped me like a sack of hot potatoes for Puck which is ten times worse."

His mom raises her eyebrows.

"But is that any worse than what you've been doing to her?"

He looks away guiltily.

"Nooo," he answers slowly, "But talking about what a shit-head I was to her is pointless, cuz now it's too late."

"You're both right and wrong. Yes, complaining about it is pointless, but it's never too late to fight for what you want. Why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and make an effort to fix your mistakes instead?"

He looks at his mom carefully. He thinks she might be right. Doing nothing was what set Rachel off in the first place...

Maybe his mom's onto something, maybe it's not too late.

...

Rachel sits on the chair in front of her vanity table, staring at Puck through the mirror. He's sitting on her bed, tuning his guitar.

She feels like she's in an out of body experience or something. Who would have thunk it? Noah Puckerman in her bedroom, acting sweet as pie, ready to create music with her.

He had come over last night too, after Basketball practice, and sung her 'Sweet Caroline'. She could scarcely believe it. They had made out a little too, but she'd stopped it before it could get too far, using the excuse that her dads were just downstairs.

The truth though, was that Finn kept popping up in her head, refusing to let her be with just Noah.

It's like he's permanently ingrained himself in her brain, that sweet, smiling, dimpled face. She shakes her head a little to try to remove it, and her hair tickles her cheeks as it swishes.

"So what do you want to sing tonight?" Noah asks.

She turns around and looks at him, not answering right away, because she's so preoccupied with the fact that he sounds and looks _so_ different when he's not wearing that macho, mean guy facade.

"Umm, I'm not sure," she answers, her voice a little higher than normal.

There's something just too bizarre, too unnatural about this. They haven't even had _that_ talk yet. She still doesn't know what they _are_, they haven't discussed the specifics yet. And she's not about to get herself into anything less than a real relationship after the whole Finn fiasco.

"You know Noah," she says randomly, because she tends to ramble when she's nervous, "You should really consider joining the musical. Finn, Quinn, Brittany, and Santana are all in it too, so it's not like it's the stigmatized embarrassment that it once was, and you have quite a voice. I can tell you love music, I have an eye for that sort of thing, and I just think-"

"Whoa," Puck cuts her off, "Sorry babe, but I'm not going to join the musical. Having Rachel Berry as my girlfriend is already gonna put a dent in my rep, I'm not gonna do anything else to lessen my intimidation power."

"Did you just call me your girlfriend?" she asks cautiously.

"Um.. yeah..." Puck says, raising his eyebrows, "I thought you knew that."

"So tomorrow," she says, "If I hold your hand in the hall, you won't flinch away? You'll be proud to be dating Rachel Berry?"

"Fuck yeah," he responds, and Rachel winces a little at the crass language, "It's not like half the school didn't already see us swapping spit at Santana's on Friday."

She blushes. He has a valid point.

"Well then," she smiles and gets off her chair to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek, "If we're going to face that swarm of bloodthirsty piranhas tomorrow, then we're going to need our rest. It's getting late Noah, you should probably head home."

"But I just got here, like, twenty minutes ago," he replies questioningly, "I thought we were gonna sing.."

"Yes but, I had an exhaustive voice lesson earlier today and I just remembered there are a couple things I need to get prepared for musical rehearsal tomorrow."

Puck scowls and she bites her lip. Shouldn't she want to spend as much time with her _boyfriend_ as possible?

"If you joined the musical though," she adds, "We'd have many opportunities to sing together."

"I dunno," he grumbles, putting his guitar in its case, "I'll think about it."

"Finn was confident enough in his own skin to do it," she challenges, "I guess he just must be braver than you."

"Yeah," Puck juts his head out, "And the dudes call him Fin_essa_ in the locker room."

She lifts her eyebrows at him.

"High School Musical launched Zac Efron's career to hearthrob status," she coerces, "Look at all the girls he has following him around everywhere all the time! It's a simple fact, women just can't resist a man who sings."

"Why do I need women when I have you?" he replies smartly, getting up and leaning in to kiss her.

"Because," she says, putting her hand to his mouth to stop him, "Everyone loves to be adored, and it'd be such a huge and thoughtful favor to your girlfriend."

She widens her eyelids and stitches her brow a fraction of an inch and pouts her lips, the same expression she uses when she needs to bend her dads to her will.

"You could bring along a couple friends too, we could really use more people. Please?"

Puck stares at her for a long couple of seconds before relenting.

"Fine," Puck grumbles, "When do I have to show up?"

"Tomorrow evening at seven," she beams, "You can come over after school and I can catch you up with everything you need to do. And if any of your friends are interested too bring them along as well. It's going to be really fun Noah, I promise."

"Whatever," he says, picking up his guitar case, "I'll see you tomorrow."

He gives her a kiss that she ends quickly but diplomatically, and he leaves without another word.

She sits back down on her bed and rests her chin on her hand. Things are changing so quickly, and she wonders how everything will be like at school tomorrow. The popular kids seemed pretty rowdy about her and Noah's _display_ on Friday but.. will they still accept them Monday morning?

...

[Monday, morning]

The instant Finn wakes up he has a lightbulb moment. He knows exactly what he has to do to win Rachel back.

He goes to his laptop to look up the full lyrics of one of his all time favorite songs. Once he's printed them out, he goes downstairs and shuffles through the supply closet to find his mom's camcorder.

He sets everything up in his room so he can work on his project right when he gets home from school.

Afterwards, while he's eating his usual breakfast of eggs, bacon, and waffles, he finally checks his abandoned cellphone.

There's about 15 missed calls and 10 new text messages. Half of them from Quinn. He sends her a quick reply.

**Finn: We need to talk. I think we should do an off-campus lunch or something.**

It only takes her a few seconds to reply.

**Quinn: You're right, you do have some explaining to do for ignoring me all weekend. I've been craving Subway, I'll meet you at your locker after 4th.**

He replies with a quick 'K' and gulps down the last of his orange juice.

Today's gonna be a game-changer.

...

"Berry, nice skirt!"

Rachel instinctively pulls her skirt down and turns around ready to face whatever tormenter trying to embarrass her today. She's mildly shocked when she sees senior linebacker Josh Henderson walking a couple steps behind her and giving her a totally genuine smile.

"Um, thanks?" she replies, as he takes a few long strides to catch up with her.

"Anytime," he answers, "You know, Puck's a total douche and everything, but he sure knows his women, and damn if I didn't notice how hot you were until Friday night."

She's officially speechless.

"Bye berry," he salutes, winking at her as he steps into a classroom.

Two seconds later, a couple of Cheerios smile and wave at her as she passes them.

What in the world is going on?

She turns the corner and sees Puck, walking towards her with that trademark smirk on his face.

"Thank goodness," she says, as he reaches her, "Something bizarre is happening.."

Before she can say anymore Puck takes her hand and pushes her against a locker so he can give her a very wet kiss.

When he finally lets her come up for air, the first thing she sees is a certain six foot three football player glowering at them from a few yards behind Puck's shoulder. She quickly looks away.

"Although your public display of affection is admittedly courageous, it's not something I'm comfortable with Noah, so I'd appreciate it if you could desist from doing that anymore from now on."

"K," he answers, moving away so he can give her room to groom her now disheveled appearance, "What were you saying?"

"Oh, it's just, I don't know, people are being.. well.. nice to me. And I don't understand why."

Puck shrugs, "I told all the dudes in the locker room on Saturday that if anyone messed around you from now on, they'd have me to answer to. I also reminded them of how scorchingly hot you are, something that a lot of them agreed with me about after seeing you at Santana's. So you don't have anything to worry about now with the Puckmeister by your side, your good."

Rachel looks at him in wonder. Is this really happening? Can she finally retire the emergency slushie recovery kit? She gives Puck her biggest smile and jumps into his arms to give him a humongous hug.

After they've said their goodbyes and headed their separate ways, Rachel's re-reminded of how much of a difference one night can make in a high schooler's life. Girls who never before deigned to talk to her in homeroom and first period engage her in small talk, guys who never looked at her except to throw an egg in her face are now only throwing flirtatious glances down her way. It's both disconcerting and exhilarating.

But then comes second period, where Finn corners her the minute she walks into the Astronomy classroom.

"We need to talk," he says, following her to her seat.

"I'm tired of talking Finn, it never gets us anywhere. What's done is done, and frankly, I for one am just glad at least _one _of us had the courage to break out of that delusional inertia we were suspended in to actually _act_, instead of silently and ineffectively brooding."

"Okay I have no idea what you just said but," he takes a deep breath, "I'm breaking up with Quinn tonight, and I have something for you that I'm gonna give you afterwards that's really important."

She turns to face him quickly. Is he serious? She covers her face with a mask of indifference. She can't let him get to her, she needs to protect her heart.

"Even if I were to believe you, why would you wait until now to break up with her Finn? After all this time?" she asks, her countenance arranged in an illegible expression, "Is it because now I'm no longer the branded freak that I once was?"

"No! It's cuz I'm a dumbass! Just wait until tonight okay? I'll prove myself to you. Like I shoulda done on Friday."

She purses her lips and looks away. Finn gets the message and moves to a seat a couple aisles down.

She hates him. She really does. She hates how he can make her second guess herself and her decisions with one look from his molten amber eyes. She hates that the sound of his voice make her hormones go crazy and clog up her throat with emotion. She hates how he's the only person in the world who can break through her usually indelible composed veneer. But most of all, she hates how he's burrowed himself so deeply into her heart that she can't even enjoy the day that should be one of the happiest of her life.

...


	22. fighting

Chapter 21. (early January)

...

"**some will will win, some will lose.."**

...

[Monday, evening]

"What's _he_ doing here?" Finn says furiously as Rachel walks into the auditorium with Puck. Matt, and Mike.

"I was seduced into crossing over to the land of sparkles and gaydom to tango with the rest of you weirdos," Puck smirks as he makes his way over to center stage.

Rachel winces. Did he really need to use the word _seduce_?

"Gaydom isn't even a word moron," Finn says, his face blotched with anger.

"No shit. Puckasaurus makes up his _own_ words," Puck returns.

Rachel marches over to Puck and brings herself up to her full height, "Must you be so incessantly chauvinistic when you're in public? Just let me handle this okay? And you're in my spot."

Puck smiles at her before giving her a sloppy kiss. She pulls away from it irritatedly.

"Stop Noah, be professional!" she chastises, aware of Finn's grimace just yards away, "This is my work place, and it's very important to me. Please behave."

"Whatever you say babe," he belatedly answers.

She turns around and quickly takes roll in her head. There's one person missing, after scanning the group, she figures out who.

"Where's Quinn?" she asks, looking at Brittany and Santana.

"Uh Quinn's not coming," Finn says quietly from behind, "She uh.. wasn't feeling well."

"Yeah because you broke up with her," Brittany adds blankly from the other side of the stage, as if she's confused by Finn's withholding of pertinent information.

Santana rolls her eyes and adds "We wouldn't be here either if it wasn't for the fact that I had to confirm whether the rumors were true."

She gives the three new guys a nasty look.

"I don't know what kind of freaky witch spell you put on Puck to make him date you, or the rest of the school for that matter to let them accept you" she spews at Rachel venomously, "But just know that _I'm_ still sane and will always see you for the_ loser _that you are."

Rachel blushes at this accusation.

"No one's forcing you to stay Santana," she answers, staring at the bitchy latina straight in the eye.

Santana gives a condescending scoff, "No, but I want to stay to watch the comedy of all this when it self-explodes."

"Well then I'm going to have to ask you to keep your depraved entertainment preferences to yourself so those of us who actually _care_ about the musical can make it the best it can be."

She turns to the newcomers regally and introduces them to the rest of the cast.

"Everyone, meet Noah Puckerman, Mike Chang, and Matt Rutherford, aka our new Bernardo, Chino, and Ice."

...

This is a total disaster. Finn's now been forced to watch Puck and Rachel kiss 3 times. That's just as many times as _he_ and Rachel have kissed.

Which is so not cool.

He thinks this might be the most brutal day of his life. He started out so optimistic, and then he got to school and first thing he saw was McKinley High's favorite new couple. Then he tried to talk to Rachel, but she just completely shut him down. Then he did the honorable thing and broke up with Quinn at Subway ('for good this time' he'd made sure he'd told her), and ended up with diet coke in his hair and down his shirt.

Somehow, through it all, he managed to make it home after school to finish his little project. He sent it to Rachel right before he left for rehearsal, knowing she wouldn't get it till later, cuz she's always early. He'd been counting on being able to prepare her for it a little, talk to her without Puck or Quinn around.

But noooo. Now Puck is in the musical, along with Mike and Matt, and everything is just peachy keen.

Not.

After the two hours of pointless rehearsal where they don't do anything except explain stuff to the new cast members and re-arrange everything, he finally gets the opportunity to talk to Rachel, alone.

She's sitting by herself, packing up her bedazzled stereo as Puck goes over basketball plays with Mike. She looks up at him warily as he walks towards her.

"If you're here to give me a hard time about Puck, I don't want to hear it."

"No, I'm not," he says darkly, "Just.. check your email when you get home kay?"

Her eyes open a fraction of an inch questioningly but he walks away because he can hear Puck coming towards them from behind.

He takes a breath as he takes his car keys out of his back pack and walks out of the auditorium, his nerves bouncing around wildly. He hopes this works. He hopes to God this works.

...

[Monday, night]

Rachel sits in front of her computer, her hand practically shaking as it opens the new email from Finn.

The fact that Finn finally broke up with Quinn has really shaken her. She wants to know exactly what it is that he wanted to 'give' her via email, that he thought might be able to offer them a second chance.

_Hey,_

_So I'm not that good with words, so I thought maybe I could let you know how I've been feeling lately through music. Cuz we met through music and everything. I know this is probably really corny, but you always talk about how music can fix anything, and I'm crossing my fingers that it can fix us._

_Your friend who would like to be more,_

_Finn _

Rachel looks at the video attachment, and takes a deep breath before opening it. She watches as Finn sets up the camera and then stands in front of it awkwardly, giving a sheepish smile, before opening his mouth to sing.

"_I can't fight this feeling any longer_

_And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow_

_What started out as friendship has grown stronger_

_I only wish I had the strength to let it show_

_And even as I wander I'm keepin you in sight_

_Your a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night_

_And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might_

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_

_It's time to bring this ship into the shore_

_And throw away the oars_

_Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore._

_My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you_

_I've been running round in circles in my mind_

_And it always seems like I'm following you, girl_

_Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find_

_Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore_

_I've forgotten what I started fightin for_

_And if I have to crawl upon the floor_

_Come crushin through your door_

_Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore"_

Her first reaction to the video is to call Noah and break up with him right away. But she stops herself when she gets to the sixth number on her phone.

This seems like a classic example of wanting what you can't have. It took Finn hearing that she was officially dating Puck to get the, for lack of a better word, balls to do anything about it. And, if the bizarre turn of events that occurred today are any indication, she's no longer the biggest loser at this school, and dating her therefor would no longer affect his reputation. It's almost like Finn used Puck as a guinea pig to make sure she was datable.

There's no way to know if she can really trust him. And she's fooling herself if she thinks he won't hurt her again.

She clenches her fists as she walks over to her closet to take out her video and camera. She has a little video for Finn too.

...

After waiting for a freaking half hour, she finally emails him back with a link to her myspace page.

He clicks it, unsure of what he's going to find. A page titled _Re-Offender_ pops up, with her newest myspace video underneath.

"_Keeping up appearances_

_Keeping up with the Joneses_

_Fooling my selfish heart_

_Going through the motions_

_But I'm fooling myself_

_I'm fooling myself_

_'Cause you say you love me_

_And then you do it again_

_You do it again_

_And you say your sorry's_

_And then you do it again_

_You do it again_

_Everybody thinks you're well_

_Everybody thinks I'm ill_

_Watching me fall apart_

_Falling under your spell_

_But you're fooling yourself_

_You're fooling yourself_

_'Cause you say you love me_

_And then you do it again_

_You do it again_

_You say your sorry's_

_And then you do it again_

_You do it again and again and again_

_And again and again_

_But you're fooling yourself_

_You're fooling yourself"_

He watches as she hastily wipes a couple tears off her cheek as she finishes the song, before hurrying to turn off the camera.

Three seconds after he's finished watching it, a new email appears in his inbox. The usually wordy Rachel somehow manages to crush his heart with just three words.

_It's too late._

He feels like crying. The worst part is he knows she has a point. He messed up so many times, over and over again, that it wouldn't make sense for her to just up and forgive him.

But she doesn't understand. That he means it this time, he doesn't want to be a coward anymore, he doesn't want to be a sheep anymore, he wants to be a lion, he wants to be her boyfriend.

He grits his teeth in determination. Time to come up with a Plan B.

He sends his reply to her email.

_I don't give up that easy._

He's finally stopped fighting _his feelings_, now he's gonna have to start fighting _for her_.

...

_A/N: _

_Song Credits- Travis' 'Re-Offender' and R.E.O. Speedwagon's 'I Can't Fight This Feeling'._


	23. friends

Chapter 22. (late January)

...

[Wednesday, afternoon]

Finn's truck bumps violently as it crosses the rickety old bridge that runs over Old Lost Creek. He steers it towards the deserted dirt parking lot, at the foot of the trails that run through the small patch of forest, and parks it haphazardly.

He rolls down his window, even though it's freaking freezing, so he can listen to the sound of the creek trickling across stones. It relaxes him. He used to comes here all the time to think, before his life got so damn busy and crowded. His grandpa would take him fishing for trout here when he was younger. It's a peaceful spot, on the outskirts of Lima, nestled between wheat fields and preserved wilderness. And it's always dead empty in the winter.

He leans his head back against the headrest and closes his eyes.

He's now on Plan Z. Actually, he stopped counting after Plan F, but it pretty much feels like it. It's been two and a half weeks since Rachel and Puck have started dating, and he's tried everything, seriously_ everything_, to break them up. This includes giving her a cake with the words 'Please forgive me' written on it in icing, standing outside her house with his stereo on his shoulder blaring John Denver's 'I'm Sorry', delivering a pizza to her with an 'I suck and I'm Sorry' olive arrangement on the (vegan) cheese, sending her a dozen red roses and probably the shittiest poem ever written (_roses are red, violets are blue, it'd be really cool, if it could just be me and you_), two more videos of him making a total ass of himself singing, and a hired clown who returned from her house with 20 deflated balloons and a 'I HATE clowns!' note from Rachel. He's watched every romantic movie he can think of to come up with ideas of how to win Rachel back, and nothing's working.

And on top of that, now Quinn's made it her mission to get _him_ back. He was kinda hoping after he broke up with her, that she and her friends would quit the musical, cuz they kinda bring the mood down. But they didn't, because that's the only time that Quinn can bother him without having him run away in the opposite direction.

So basically every Monday evening and Thursday afternoon is painfully awkward, because he'll be making googly eyes at Rachel the whole time, Quinn won't leave him alone for five freaking seconds, Brittany and Santana will just sit there judgmentally making stupid/rude comments, Puck and the dudes will fuck around playing fart jokes on everyone, and Artie and Tina will always be in their own little world flirting (apparently they're dating now?), while Rachel and Kurt and Mercedes will spend most of the time yelling at each other about who has the best ideas. So they basically haven't gotten anything done since second semester started. And it's not fun anymore.

A low buzzing brings him out of his thoughts and back to his surroundings. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks the text message.

**Tina: Hey! My birthday's this Saturday and I'm going to have a small party at the Rinky Dink's! It's from noon to four, hope you can make it!**

His fingers zoom across the pad of his phone's keyboard as he replies to tell her he'll be there.

A biting wind whirls its way into the car, and Finn suddenly shivers. While he rolls up his window, he wonders if Rachel will come too. He thinks she will, considering Tina only has 13 friends on facebook- her parents and the kids in the musical. He lets the wheels in his mind begin to turn as he plans another way to win Rachel back.

...

[Saturday, morning]

Rachel purses her lips as she applies the finishing touches on her lipgloss. She's really looking forward to Tina's birthday party. She's adored Rinky Dinks since the age of 3, when she first learned how to roller skate (she was quite precocious). Her dads took her there because she was so desperate for spotlight and the only place that would allow a three year old to perform was the local cabaret roller rink.

She hears three obnoxious honks outside and looks out her window. Noah waves to her from his jeep, indicating for her to hurry up and come down.

She rolls her eyes before grabbing Tina's gift, her coat, and her purse, and heading out of her room.

"Bye Daddy! Bye Papa!" she yells as she rushes down the stairs, "I'll be home by curfew!"

They yell their goodbyes from their respective offices as she whirls out the front door. Puck wolf whistles at her as she crosses her dads' perfectly manicured green lawn and the wind blows her pleated skirt up.

He gives her a lecherous smile as she jumps into the passenger seat.

"Have I ever told you much I love your devotion to those skirts babe?" he asks as he changes gears, "It's kinda rad that it's almost freezing out here and you're still wearing one."

"That's what I have my wool knee highs and peacoat for," she says primly, "One can't go roller skating without the proper attire on, and frankly, a flouncing skirt is essential to the whole tradition."

Puck chuckles as he navigates his way through the Lima mid-town traffic.

"We still goin' to the movies after?" he asks when they're stopped at a red light.

"Yes," Rachel replies, "But you have to promise to let me actually watch the film this time, instead of trying to drown me in your saliva."

Puck laughs lewdly before responding, "Okay fine, but only if you let me touch your boobs next time we hang out."

Rachel glares at him.

"Don't be vulgar Noah, I've already informed you that I do not want to rush this relationship. And there will be no bargaining for sexual favors."

Puck groans as he swivels into Rinky Dink's parking lot.

"Can't a guy catch a damn break?" he complains, "We've been going out.. for like.. forever, and we haven't even hit second yet."

Rachel purses her lips as he parks the car.

"You're just going to have to be patient Noah."

"Ughh," Puck spurts, as he gets out of the car.

Puck doesn't dignify her with a response.

"Ugh is a foul term only used by those who have limited vocabularies," Rachel says annoyingly as she follows him towards the entrance. She knows that she's being a difficult girlfriend, but Puck needs to understand that she's not like most of the girls he's dated, she's not a slut. And she's not going to do anything she's not 100% comfortable with. Also, she's a little nervous about seeing Finn, who Puck already told her is coming. He hasn't tried anything for almost a week, which she's going to take as a good sign, considering for awhile there he'd been so relentless in his pursuit of her. But things have just been so... awkward between them. He's making it really impossible for her to try to move on- with all of those adorable (albeit trite and unoriginal) romantic moves he's been making. But she's made a decision to put her love for Finn in the past, and she has to stick with it.

She and Puck walk into the cabaret Roller rink both irritated with each other. They're a little late so when they enter, Rachel sees that everyone's already on roller skating on the floor.

"Go find out where we should put our stuff," Puck says, "I'll wait in line for the skates. What size shoe are you again?"

"6," she replies, spotting their friends roller skating.

"You made it!" Tina shouts to her from the middle of a figure 8 as Rachel walks over.

Rachel nods brightly and leans against the edge of the rink to meet her.

"Our stuff's over there," Tina says, pointing to an area to the left, "Just come join the party when you guys have roller skates!"

"Okay!" Rachel replies excitedly, already running through a list of songs she wants to sing in her head. She realizes suddenly as she's walking, that Tina doesn't seem to have a stutter anymore. She wonders idly when that happened and how.

Before she can go back to find Puck however, she sees Finn stumbling over his huge, roller skate clad feet to get to her. She hurries over to him just in time to save him from falling flat on his butt.

"Thanks," Finn grins sheepishly, as he extricates himself from the rink, "I'm kinda clumsy."

"I've noticed," Rachel says, checking her smile to make sure it's not too big as she helps him sit down on a bench. She's in dangerous territory here- she's always so prone to cracking when he acts so perfectly sweet and Finn when they're together.

"I'm really glad you came," Finn says, panting slightly since he practically flew across the floor to her when he saw her, "I have a surprise for you."

Rachel knits her eyebrows together in discomfort. She promised herself she wouldn't give into him. He's fickle and for all she knows this is just a temporary whim- one that will end with her heartbroken all over again. But with each effort to prove himself to her, she comes closer and closer to cracking.

"Not another one," she groans, and Finn's face falls as he looks up at her from his attempt to remove his roller skates, "How many times do I have to tell you that we're not going to work out! I wish you would just accept that so things could stop being so awkward!"

"I already told you," Finn replies stoutly, "I don't-"

"I know, I know, you don't give up that easy," Rachel huffs casually, as if the poignant simplicity of the words didn't keep her up for multiple sleepless nights.

"What's up?" Puck's voice interrupts them from behind and Finn and Rachel both jump.

"Um nothing!" Rachel says in a shrill voice, plastering a fake smile on her face, "Finn and I were just discussing our latest science project, we're actually going to take the conversation outside though. Don't worry, we'll be back soon."

"K..." Puck says slowly, "But I have your skates..." he hold them up.

"I'll find you when we get back!" Rachel chirps, getting up and smoothing her skit, "Tina said our party is set up right over there," she points into the direction Tina did.

Puck shrugs and turns away.

"Don't let anyone sing any Celine or Barbra!" she shouts to his retreating figure.

As soon as he disappears into the crowd, Rachel's face pulls a complete 180, from maniacally happy to fiercely determined.

"Come on," she growls, taking Finn's hand and dragging him outside, even though he's only wearing socks on his feet.

Once they're standing by the handicap ramps, she places her hands on her hips and gives Finn a feisty look.

"Alright Finn, luckily I've prevented Puck from finding out how avidly you're pursuing his girlfriend, but if you commence another one of your harebrained, cheesy, lifted straight from a movie, spectacles here, we both know that he's inevitably going to become enlightened."

Finn's face curls into a deep frown.

"Why are you even still with him Rach?" he asks frustratedly, "Haven't I proved to you that my feelings are real after everything I've done!"

Rachel looks at him piercingly.

"I don't doubt your feelings for me Finn. I'm sure they're as real as you claim them to be. I just doubt your ability to be reliable, stay faithful to one woman, and know what the true contents of your own heart are. And let's be honest, I have plenty of first hand experience to back up all of those hypotheses. You could very well be just another teenage boy who only wants what he can't have, how am I supposed to know the difference?"

"Because it's obvious!" Finn sputters, "And I'm not just another teenage boy okay?"

He takes a deep breath and looks at her achingly before continuing, "And I'm sorry but I just can't believe that you don't still have feelings for me too. Puck isn't into you the way I am. He can't be because he doesn't get you the way I do."

Rachel bites her tongue so hard that she draws blood. It's simply too late.

"Finn, I'm with Noah and that's, to borrow a phrase from you, 'just the way it is'. Stop trying to get me to do something I don't want to do. For your information that's known as peer pressure Finn and I'm not a proponent of it."

Finn's forehead wrinkles.

"I just don't understand why you'd choose Puck when you obviously really liked me before," he says in a gut wrenchingly dejected tone, "Especially since I've shown you these past few weeks how committed I'd be to a relationship."

"No! You haven't!" Rachel replies, lowering her voice as a little kid and his mother give them a strange look as they walk up to the entrance, "A handful of cliche materialistic romantic gestures isn't enough to undo all the heartache you caused me. How am I supposed to trust anything you do?"

Finn runs a hand through his hair angrily.

"Why don't you get it?" he asks desperately, "You make me feel like no one else ever has. You make me feel like I'm really living! Like, whatever I was doing before was just breathing and eating and sleeping and going through the motions.. and then I met you, and it was like I'd been sleeping through life before. How can you not trust something that real?"

She knows exactly what he's talking about. He's simplified all the complicated emotions and cognitions she's been struggling with for weeks. But he hurt her too much.

"I'm sorry if I have trouble believing you considering you rejected all my advances when I was practically throwing myself at you," she replies, her voice flat.

"I didn't understand it then!" Finn's impassioned voice pleads, "You know I've always been kinda slow, it just didn't hit me til it was.. too late."

"I do know you," Rachel agrees, "And I know you're not as slow as you pretend to be. And therefor I can recognize that you never wanted me until you thought you couldn't have me, until I became popular and socially accepted and could no longer hinder you're reputation. I'm sorry, but I have too much self respect to let myself be at your beck and call, to be there for you whenever _you_ decide you want me."

She walks away before he can say anything else, because she knows one more word from him will break her.

...

Finn takes a second to calm himself down and swallow a couple times to get rid of that awful knot of hurt and disappointment in his throat.

Why does Rachel have to be so damn irrational and insecure? She's reading into this way too much and making way more drama than she has to. She basically admitted to him that her feelings for him are still there, but that she won't give in to them because for some crazy reason she thinks he only wants her now that she's popular. Which is so off base it'd be funny if it wasn't him in the situation.

He gulps and fights the urge to just go to his car and leave. But then he remembers that it's Tina's birthday and it wouldn't be fair to her to just bounce because of his own drama. Plus, he needs his shoes.

Gritting his teeth, he walks back into the roller rink, just in time to see Rachel grab the mike from some unsuspecting 10 year old and give an order to the band.

Finn walks over to the little area of benches and tables where all their stuff is at, as the notes of a keyboard vibrate around the loud roller rink.

He finds his shoes and starts to put them on when Rachel starts singing.

"_Your fingertips across my skin_

_The palm trees swaying in the wind_

_Images"_

He looks up at her in the center of the rink. The soft sounds coming out of Rachel's mouth don't sound like Celine or Barbra...

"_You sang me Spanish lullabies_

_The sweetest sadness in your eyes_

_Clever trick_

_I never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_I should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do"_

Finn's hands are frozen mid shoe-lace. He and Rachel were definitely 'almost lovers' and if he knows anything about Rachel Berry, she's singing him a message right now.

_We walked along a crowded street_

_You took my hand and danced with me_

_Images_

_And when you left you kissed my lips_

_You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no_

_I never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_I should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

_I cannot go to the ocean_

_I cannot drive the streets at night_

_I cannot wake up in the morning_

_Without you on my mind_

_So you're gone and I'm haunted_

_And I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that easy_

_To walk right in and out of my life?"_

He's hanging on every word. He knows she probably wants him to get the 'can't you just let me be' and the 'my back is turned on you' parts, but what really stays with him are the 'I'm trying not to think about you' and 'I'm haunted' parts, because those words mean that he's been stuck in her head as much as she's been stuck in his.

"_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_I should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do"_

Everyone claps wildly. Because obviously girls with voices like Rachel's don't come to Rinky Dinks everyday. Finn watches as Rachel returns the mike to the little ten year old and skates over to everyone else.

He really doesn't know what to do now. Rachel's sending him mixed messages. He wants to keep trying, but he's at the end of his rope, he has no idea what else he could do to make her get it.

He sighs and looks on at his laughing friends from the musical (they're all here), roller skating around carelessly. He wonders when everyone's gonna finish so they can have cake.

He catches Quinn's eyes darting around, and he ducks before she can see him. He really wishes she would stop trying so hard to get him back. It's not gonna happen.

His stomach churns as he realizes this is exactly what Rachel's trying to tell _him_. The only difference is, he knows Rachel still likes him, whereas he couldn't feel less romantic towards Quinn anymore.

He gets up and walks over to the concessions stand to order some cheese fries. When he comes back, Rachel's waiting for him at one of the tables.

"Hey," she says quietly, as he sits at the table across from her, "Can we talk?" she asks, "Calmly?"

"Sure," he answers, wondering what in the world she has to say to him now.

"Did you hear the song?" she questions.

"Yeah.." he mumbles, taking a couple oil soaked fries and stuffing them in his mouth.

"Well," she continues, "I don't like the way things are between us. I want to go back to being friends."

"But you were never just a friend to me Rach," he says after swallowing the bits of potato and cheese in his mouth, "I don't know how you expect me to act like there's nothing between us."

Rachel twists her hands in her lap.

"But we _were_ friends Finn, before everything else. And you have no idea how much your friendship meant to me, I realize more and more every day how petty 'friendship' can be, and how most of the friendships forged in high school are fake and parasitic. It makes me realize how invaluable our friendship was, because it was genuine, and we appreciated each other for everything we were, inside and out. But I can't be constantly worrying about you pushing the boundaries of friendship when we're together. I'm not like you, I could never cheat on a significant other, and whenever I'm with you I'm weighed down by the knowledge that you want to be with me romantically. You had an infinite amount of time to take the opportunity to date me and you didn't. I'm sorry Finn, but that ship has sailed. I need you to accept that, so we can go back to being friends."

His forehead creases as he listens to her words. He can't accept that it's over between them, it's just _not an option_. But he can pretend to. He'll back off, temporarily, until he figures out a way to make Rachel realize that they're meant to be.

"Okay," he answers quietly, "I'll stop." _For now_, a little voice in his head adds.

...


	24. blizzard pt I

chapter 23. (late February)

...

[Saturday, morning]

Finn thumps his thumbs along the top of his steering wheel to the beat of the song playing on the radio. It's a nervous habit he has, and he's definitely got some nerves to calm down right now.

He's on his way to Rachel's, who's holding an impromptu rehearsal at her house because the really scary Cheerleading coach commandeered the auditorium the past week because some snow storms have made the gym too cold for the cheerleaders to practice in. And Rachel's dads are spending the weekend in Columbus with friends so they'll have the entire house to themselves as a workspace.

So yeah, he's pretty freaking nervous. The last time he was at Rachel's, he ran out with a giant wet spot in his boxers. Suffice it to say it didn't end that well. And on top of having to relive that embarrassing memory, the roads are super icy and it's still snowing, so the roads are really dangerous. Finn's never been the greatest driver in the world and having to trek through all of it is taking a serious toll on his stress levels. Also, knowing that he's driving towards watching the girl of his dreams be with the wrong guy is making his stomach churl too.

Somehow, he's managed to be good for almost a month. Somehow, he's managed to stomach the sight of Puck and Rachel linking arms in the hallway. Somehow, he's managed to pretend that he's okay being just friends with her.

Even though he's so _so_ not.

He chews on the inside of his cheek as he waits at a red light. He's not gonna lie, when he agreed to stop chasing Rachel romantically, he'd kinda been banking on the hope that Puck and Rachel wouldn't last. For one thing, they're total opposites, and for another, Puck's never been in a relationship that lasted longer than two weeks. But somehow, Puck and Rachel are now heading into their 6th week (that number's just off the top of his head of course, he isn't actually counting...) and getting stronger each day. And with every one of those days, Finn's getting more and more worried that he's letting any chance he once had with Rachel slip out of his hands. And it just sucks feeling so powerless about it all.

He squints through the blurring snow being brushed away by his windshield wipers as he turns into Rachel's neighborhood. Finding a place to park near her house, he takes a deep breath as he turns off the ignition. He can do this, he tells himself, he'll just have to grin and bear it for a couple of hours, and then he can be outta there.

...

[Saturday, afternoon]

"Alright that's a wrap!" Rachel says brightly.

A collective sigh of relief comes from the exhausted kids in her basement. They've spent 5 straight hours perfecting the big 'gym dance challenge' scene. The garage-sale purchased basement furniture has all been shoved to the sides of the dark room to make room for them to dance, and it turned out to be quite a good rehearsal space.

The musical's been going a little bit smoother since she and Finn repaired their friendship. They've finalized the script, made the proper adjustments to accommodate the small cast, and are well on their way to making 'West Side Story' the most spectacular production William McKinley High has ever seen. Puck's thrown a couple of fits because Finn gets to be Tony while he's type-casted as the villain- but other than that, there hasn't been a lot of drama. And even though Puck knows that Rachel had a crush on Finn before they started dating, he hasn't really brought it up at all which is good.

"And as a thank you to you all for giving up the first half of your Saturdays," Rachel continues, "I've prepared a little surprise for you all!"

She walks over to a dark corner of the basement, where a knitted blanket is covering some mysterious lumps on an antique wooden table. She lifts the blanket to reveal an assortment of homemade cupcakes, cookies, and brownies, and a big metal hot chocolate machine.

"Ta Da!" she says loudly, as the boys start hollering loudly in appreciation, "I covered them because I didn't want anyone getting distracted. Now who wants to help me get some soy milk and hot cocoa mix from upstairs?"

Finn tears his eyes away from the mouth-watering display on the table long enough to offer up his services.

"I will," he volunteers, as everyone else begins to crowd around the table to get their choice of treats.

Rachel gives him a small smile as she weaves her way over to him.

"Thanks," she tells him, as they make their way across the basement to the stairs, "I have over four cartons and it's going to be heavy."

"Why have you been avoiding practicing all the Tony and Maria parts?" Finn asks abruptly, lowering his voice so no one can hear him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Rachel answers, a little shaken as she walks up into the laundry room, "They simply aren't the priority right now, we need to focus on the musical numbers before we get to the finer points of the acting."

"But Tony and Maria are supposed to dance together and fall in love during the scene we just spent a million years going over," Finn states, as they head into the kitchen, "But you were so busy ordering everyone around, that I just had to dance by myself. And then at the end of the scene we're supposed to kiss, but you stopped rehearsal right before. Not to mention the fact that 'Tonight' is the only song that we haven't touched since school started again."

Rachel busies herself by taking the soy milk cartons out of the pantry and finding the box of hot chocolate mix.

"We'll have plenty of time for all of that later on," she says, not answering him directly, "We're actually quite ahead of schedule at this point. The musical isn't going to run until April anyways, we have almost three months."

She stands on her tiptoes to try to reach the paper cups on the highest shelf.

"Here," Finn says quietly, his voice right above her head as he grabs the top of the bag of paper cups without any effort at all and places them in her hands.

She can feel the heat of his body behind hers, and when his arm brushes hers, she has to actively suppress a shiver. She doesn't turn around because she knows that their close proximity will send her in dizzying spirals of teenage hormonal lust if she does. But he doesn't move either, and she hear his heavy breath on her hair as he looks down at her over her shoulder.

The truth is, that up until now, Rachel's been procrastinating rehearsing all of the romantic scenes, not only because she doesn't want to have to deal with any jealousy from Puck, but also because... well she's a little bit afraid of herself- of what she might do, and of what she might forget- if she and Finn share even the slightest amorous moment.

"Holy shit," Finn whispers suddenly, and Rachel whips around to see what's grabbed his attention because she knows he only uses such foul expletives when he's really upset, shocked or angry.

He's staring at the window, where there's only a few inches of visible daylight because the snow storm apparently got 10 thousand times worse while they were all rehearsing downstairs, and has piled up all around the house.

They're snowed in.

...

[Saturday, evening]

The group is lounged around on various spots in the basement (Tina's sitting on Artie lap, who is of course, sitting on his wheel chair, Finn, Matt and Mike are leaning against the pool table, Kurt and Mercedes are on an old red velour bean bag, Quinn, Brittany, and Santana have the couch, while Puck and Rachel are sharing the worn leather armchair), discussing the recent turn of events. They've just spent the last couple hours reassuring their respective panicked parents that they're alright, and are now feeling slightly claustrophobic at the prospect of having to spend an indeterminable amount of time with each other in Rachel's house.

"This is all your fault," Quinn snarls suddenly, "If you hadn't made us all turn off our cell phones during rehearsal, one of us might have been able to answer one of the 100 missed calls from our parents telling us to get home right away."

"How was I supposed to know?" Rachel defends herself, "The weather report said that the snow was expected to finally let up today."

Quinn rolls her eyes, "Because the Ohio weather reports are_ so_ reliable," she says sarcastically.

"You guys, placing blame on each other and fighting about it isn't going to help anything," Tina mediates, "All we've been doing since we found out about the blizzard is arguing with each other and crashing from our sugar highs, let's try to do something productive. We're definitely going to have to spend the night Rachel, do you have enough blankets and pillows and sleeping bags so everyone can sleep without getting hypothermia? And enough food?"

"Well," Rachel starts slowly, thinking, "There's definitely enough food, my dads diligently keep our refrigerator and pantry well stocked at all times, plus there's always the emergency supply kit filled with enough dried food and water to last a month. But I don't think we'll have to resort to that. And the power hasn't gone out or anything which is good, because that means we'll have the heater. There's a queen sized bed in the guest bedroom so two people can sleep in there, a california king bed in my parents' room so three, or even four people could sleep on that, and we have an extra air mattress, the couch, plenty of extra blankets and three sleeping bags for everyone else."

"I call the guest bedroom bed with Mercedes," Kurt says immediately, and everyone starts shouting out what sleeping arrangements they want after that. It takes another thirty minutes for them to figure it out, but some of them are still a little pissy because obviously everyone can't get exactly what they want.

"So what do we do now?" Mercedes asks, glancing at an old grandfather's clock near the door.

Rachel stands up, already prepared for the question, "I think we should take advantage of this opportunity, make lemonade out lemons so to speak, and continue working on our fabulous musical."

Everyone groans in unison.

"Shut uppp," Santana says loudly, taking Rachel aback by her rudeness, "This is bad enough without having to listening to your annoying voice go _on and on_. There's no way any of us want to work on the musical after earlier. We've done enough."

Rachel gives a little huff before re-sitting on the arm of the armchair next to Puck.

"We could play a game to help the time go by faster," Artie suggests.

They all look around at each other awkwardly. This is an odd bunch they've collected themselves into, and they're all unsure if they can act like.. friends.

"What? Like Go Fish or charades?" Santana asks sarcastically.

"Actually I was thinking more along the lines of 'Never Have I Ever' or 'Spin The Bottle'," Artie pauses for dramatic effect, "With stakes."

Santana catches the subtext right away and lifts her eyebrows approvingly before turning to Rachel.

"So Berry, where's your dads' liquor cabinet?"

Rachel pales.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she responds nervously, "My fathers are very particular about their drinks, and the last time I drank alcohol I became seriously impaired and made some unwise decisions.."

She and Finn share a furtive glance.

"No one asked if_ you _wanted any," Santana rolls her eyes, "But if I'm going to spend the night here, I'm going to either need alcohol to numb the fact that I'm sleeping over at _Rachel Berry_'s house, or a chainsaw to cut my head off."

Rachel swallows. And people call _her_ a drama queen.

"Okay fine," she says, "But whoever takes it has to do it in a way so they won't notice."

Puck jumps up and puts an arm around her shoulders.

"Lead the way babe," he says, "The Puckerone is a master at that."

...

_A/N:_

_What kind of shenanigans are the glee kids about to get involved in? Stay tuned! :)_

_And another thing, just for future reference- when Finn and Rachel finally get together (haha yes, they __will be__ getting together soon), this story is going to operate under the assumption that rachel still has her season 1 "girls want it just as much as guys do" attitude, and not season 2 rachel's "I'm waiting until I'm 25 to have intercourse" attitude. Because I'm just going to say that that whole Grilled Cheesus spiel was a result of her repulsion of Jesse's pressuring her to sleep with him in the back 9, and it's the trauma of Mr. St. James that led to this bizarre sudden repression of her teenage libido lol._


	25. blizzard pt II

Chapter 24. (late February)

_..._

"**circus life.."**

…

[Saturday, evening]

Puck and Rachel come back five minutes later, and Finn can't help but notice that Rachel's hair is a bit messier than when she went into the kitchen. But he might just be being paranoid. The amount of time he agonizes over the question of 'how far they've gone' could fill a book. Hopefully he'll find out when they play 'Never Have I Ever', although he's not sure he wants to know.

Rachel's carrying a big plastic bag full of those awesome little airplane cups and a weird thermos, and Puck's got two water bottles full of brown and amber liquid tucked under his arms, a pitcher of clear liquid that Finn assumes is vodka in one hand, and a bottle of cranberry juice in the other.

"So let's start with Never Have I Ever," Santana says, taking the cups, pitcher and juice and expertly filling glasses.

"Um some of us aren't partiers and have no idea what you're talking about," Mercedes says, her attitude heavy.

"It's easy," Mike explains, turning towards the group, "We all sit in a circle around the floor and hold up 10 fingers. We take turns saying 'Never Have I Ever' statements- so I could say something like, 'Never Have I Ever broken a bone,' and everyone who _has_ broken a bone has to take a sip of their drink and put down a finger."

He starts pushing the furniture against the walls again with Matt and Finn, while Puck helps Santana with the drinks, and the rest of the girls (and Kurt) stand around uncomfortably.

"And when it's your turn, you don't have to say something that you've actually never done," Brittany's comically deadpan voice adds, "Like I could say, 'Never Have I Ever made out with my cousin,' but then just take a drink after and put down one finger. Because I actually have made out with my cousin, and I just want to know if anyone else has too."

Finn exchanges glances with a couple of people in the ensuing awkward silence.

"Anyways," Kurt says loudly and slowly as he sits down criss cross applesauce style, "I think we understand the premise, shall we get started?"

The rest of them follow suit, making an uneven circle. Finn sits between Mike and Artie, and straight across from Rachel so he can keep a sharp eye on all of her reactions. Never Have I Ever is a revealing game.

"I brought some green tea down as well," Rachel offers, holding up her thermos so that everyone can see it, "If anyone else would prefer to have their cocktails virgin like me."

No one takes her up on her offer, and Puck and Santana pass their own concoction to everyone else.

"Never Have I Ever stolen something," Matt starts, keeping all 10 fingers up so everyone can see.

Finn gingerly takes a small sip of his drink along with Puck, Brittany, and Santana. Rachel's eyes bulge out of their sockets as she gives him a judgmental look.

"Well we can't exactly be expected to_ buy _alcohol for parties.." he mutters, while Rachel shakes her head disappointedly.

"Are we going clockwise or counterclockwise?" Kurt asks, as he's to the left of Matt.

"It doesn't matter just go," Santana orders, obviously impatient to get sloshed.

"Fine," Kurt answers, rolling his eyes, "Never Have I Ever skipped school," he says.

Finn takes a sip along with everybody else besides Rachel and Kurt.

"Never Have I Ever been kissed," Mercedes says quietly, and everyone else besides Kurt puts down a finger and drinks.

"Never Have I Ever had sex," Brittany goes, before taking a comically large gulp of her drink.

Finn clenches his teeth as his eyes zoom on Rachel. Her hands don't move an inch towards her drink. He's never felt so relieved in his life- she hasn't done it with Puck. He could clap for joy and praise the heavens if he weren't in front of people.

He looks around the circle and sees only Puck, Brittany, Santana, and Mike drink. He glances at Artie and Tina and wonders randomly if Artie's, err, _equipment_ works, or if God screwed him in that department too.

"Never Have I Ever gotten so drunk that I blacked out and couldn't remember shit from the night before," Santana goes, taking another huge sip of her drink and adding, "Actually, I hope that happens tonight."

Brittany, Puck, Quinn, Mike, and Matt all drink and put down fingers, but Finn doesn't, cuz when he gets totally wasted he just gets really sick and his stomach goes all nasty, he's never blacked out before.

"Never Have I Ever done something I regret," Puck says laughingly, before finishing off his drink and refilling it.

Everyone drinks. Finn looks at Rachel and wonders what her regrets are. All of his involve not making his move with her when he had the chance.

"Never Have I Ever slushied anyone," says Rachel quietly.

Puck pats her knee comfortingly as he takes a drink along with the guilty Finn, Matt, and Mike.

Finn's starting to feel floaty which means he's on his way to getting drunk. He looks down at his hands and realizes he only has 5 fingers left. He's never really thought of himself as a bad kid before, but now that he's faced with these self-examining questions, he wonders if maybe there's a good reason Rachel doesn't want to be with him after all. Would he ever be able to forgive someone who had thrown slushies in his face once? But then he looks over at Puck's hand on Rachel's (freaking perfect, tan and slim) leg, and remembers that Rachel's the most forgiving person he knows, and that he must have hurt her in a way worse than some sticky ice cold goop in the face.

"Never Have I Ever strayed from my religious beliefs," Quinn says, taking a small and guilty sip from her drink.

Finn doesn't drink. He's not the most religious dude on the planet, so he doesn't really have any beliefs to stray from in the first place. But he does catch Quinn giving him a significant look, as if it's _his_ fault they went to third base and she likes being a bitch and getting drunk. Which it so isn't.

"Never Have I Ever Peed in a public pool," Tina says, leaving her drink three feet away from her. A lot of them are starting to get tipsy, so there's a lot of drunken giggling after this one.

Brittany, and all the guys besides Kurt take sips of their drinks. Puck's down to one finger.

"Never Have I Ever cheated on someone I was dating," Artie says, giving Tina a toothy grin.

Finn swallows, so hard that his adam's apple bobs painfully in his throat.

Fuck. He doesn't like this game. Everyone looks at each other suspensively. Puck shrugs and polishes off the last of his second drink while everyone else remains still. Finn tries to stealthily take a tiny sip of his drink but of course he's so nervous that he sloshes it all over the collar of his striped polo shirt and everyone turns to look at him judgmentally.

Quinn's hazel eyes burn as she watches him blush furiously.

Rachel's looking guiltily down at her hands in her lap, and it only takes a second for Quinn's eyes to dart suspiciously from the small brunette to his red face.

"Do _not_ tell me..." Quinn says dangerously, leaving the sentence hanging while shooting daggers at Rachel with her eyes.

"No fucking way," Puck says darkly, his forehead wrinkling ominously.

"I plead the first," Finn responds quietly.

Rachel recovers enough from her mortification to correct him, "The fifth, you mean."

"Yeah," he mumbles slowly, looking around desperately for someone to save him.

"Puck won," Brittany finally says, her eyes on Puck's hands, blissfully unaware of all the sub-text that just went on in the previous interaction, "Let's play spin the bottle."

"Sounds good to me!" Finn says, his voice cracking because of his nerves and fake enthusiasm, "Who wants to go first?"

He actually hates spin the bottle, cuz he's not that smooth of an operator when it's just him and a girl alone, so he's a thousand times more oafish when there's an audience. But there's actually a small flame of hope burning inside him that maybe, he'll get the chance to kiss Rachel.

Santana rolls her eyes and takes an empty water bottle lying to her right.

"As the resident slut I feel it's my duty," she says proudly, getting up on her knees to spin the bottle in the middle of the circle.

"Wait, wait we need ground rules," Artie says, stopping Santana before she can spin, "How long do the kisses have to last? Open or closed mouthed? What should the people who are in relationships do? Opposite-sex kisses only or same-sex too?"

Santana looks around deviously, and then spews out the rules like a pro "Three seconds at least, must be open-mouthed, unless you're already dating someone else, in which case you can keep your mouth closed. And same sex kisses are _definitely_ allowed."

The way she's on her hands her knees and the way her boobs are hanging out of her low cut tank top, are making some of the guys ogle. But Finn only has eyes for Rachel, who's looking extremely uncomfortable about the idea of spin the bottle.

Which turns out to be a valid concern when Santana spins the bottle and it lands directly pointed on Rachel.

Rachel's mouth opens into a perfect O while all the guys start whooping and Quinn, Mercedes and Kurt laugh.

Finn has to bite back a smile as he watches Rachel go off on a rant about how she doesn't think she'll play and how'd she'd rather be a 'moderator'- whatever the hell that is.

Santana looks like she's having fun with this as she slowly crawls towards Rachel, an amused smile on her face.

"Come on Berry," Santana says, once she's sitting in front of the horrified Rachel, "It's just a kiss. Besides, you're dating Puck so I won't even use tongue. Just close your eyes and pretend I'm your boyfriend."

Rachel turns to Puck for back up, but Puck just looks like Christmas has come early and is eagerly watching the two, his mouth open and on the verge of drooling.

Santana raises an eyebrow as Rachel shakes her head furiously from left to right.

"No," Rachel spurts, "There's absolutely no way that I'm doing this. I'm sorry but I refuse to take part in something that is anti-feminist in its objectification of the female form and-"

"So you're scared," Santana challenges.

"I'm not _scared_," Rachel answers, "I just don't approve of such a promiscuous display of something highly sexual in nature and nonconformist to my identity."

"Do you have something against homosexuality?" Kurt asks.

"Of course not!" Rachel responds in a high pitched voice, "Are you forgetting my familial situation? It's just.." she pauses to come up with a good defense, "So if you have to have your first kiss be with a girl tonight you're telling me you won't have a problem with it?"

"Well I will, but I'll be a good sport about it," Kurt responds, "And this isn't your first kiss."

"Whatever," Santana says, leaning back and crossing her arms, "Rachel's obviously a prude and a party pooper, who's afraid of leaving her comfort zone."

Rachel glares at Santana for a quick instant before leaning in, squeezing her eyes shut, pinching her lips together, and placing them on Santana's for a split-second before moving back to her seat.

Everyone looks on in total shock at the 'blink and you'll miss it' moment.

"You're forgetting the three second rule Berry," Santana says, putting both hands on Rachel's shoulders and pursing her lips as she goes in for the kill.

Finn feels like he's being hypnotized as he watches Rachel's eyes shoot open and then squint closed as she keeps her lips tightly shut.

Holy crap. Finn knows he should be really turned on right now, and yeah okay, he's half hard, but more than anything he's kinda jealous of Santana.

"Happy?" Rachel pouts, as she backs away after three seconds and crosses her arms sullenly.

"Yeah," Puck answers slowly, even though Rachel wasn't asking him. Santana smirks and goes back to her seat.

"Your turn babe," Puck says, elbowing Rachel lightly in the ribcage.

Finn feels his breath hitch in his throat as Rachel makes her way over to the middle of the circle to spin the bottle. He silently prays that it will land on him and kissing him will make all of her once strong feelings for him come racing back so everything can be good and dandy again. He watches her like a hawk as she tests the weight of the bottle in her fingers carefully, as if calculating if she can somehow rig it to land on the person she wants it too.

Turns out Rachel's either a certified genius or just lucky because when the bottle stops it's pointing at Puck. Everyone laughs except him, because it feels like his heart just dropped to the bottom of his stomach- and he has two cupcakes, three cookies, a brownie, and some hard liquor in there, so it's not a good feeling whatsoever.

Rachel smiles briskly as she goes back to her original seat and Finn has to look away. When he does, he notices Quinn looking darkly at the pair. Is she still mad about finding out that he probably cheated on her with Rachel? Or is there something else...

He finds out in the next minute when Puck spins the bottle and it lands on Finn's blonde ex-girlfriend.

Puck looks at Rachel before crossing over to Quinn, and Rachel gives Puck a slight nod to show him she's okay with it.

Quinn appears to be extremely nervous as Puck situates himself in front of her, but as he brings his head towards her, Quinn's eyelids close heavily and her lips open generously. As everyone registers the chemistry between the two, they're suddenly full on making out, with tongue and everything.

When Finn looks over to Rachel to see her reaction to the seriously steamy kiss, he's surprised to see that she's watching _him_, as if trying to read what _he_ thinks about his ex-girlfriend kissing his best friend. It's right then that Finn realizes that no matter how hard Rachel pretends that she's over him, she's not. And this makes him smile.

...

Rachel looks away quickly as Finn flashes her that million dollar crooked grin. She thinks boys that have been blessed with such irresistible smiles should be locked away in underground cells so that they can't tamper with the resolve of vulnerable girls like herself.

When she tears her gaze away from him, she realizes that everyone's staring at her carefully, as if they're waiting for her to blow up. Did she miss something? She looks to the center of the circle and sees Puck and Quinn's flushed faces and intense eyelock.

It phases her when she realizes that she doesn't feel even a hint of jealousy. Shouldn't she be upset that her boyfriend just shared an overtly meaningful kiss with the most beautiful girl at the school? She furrows her brow in frustration, which is the reaction that everyone's waiting for. What they don't know is that it was instigated by an entirely different reason than they think.

After a few more spins, Quinn and Artie have had an uncomfortable kiss, Artie and Tina have had a ridiculously sweet one, Tina and Mike have had a suspiciously hot one, and Mercedes is about to get her first kiss from one Mike Chang.

"Ahh so much pressure!" Mike says, cracking his neck and rolling his shoulders as he settles himself in front of Mercedes. Everyone laughs at the exaggerated preparation, and it lightens the mood a little bit. It also helps that a lot of them are drunk.

The kiss is short and tame, cuz Mercedes is a little nervous, but it's cute.

And then Mercedes hits Brittany, which is a whole nother 10 kinds of awkward, because Brittany gets really into it because, well, it's Brittany, and Mercedes just looks like she wants to get the hell out of there.

After that Brittany hits Kurt, and the kiss is pretty much just a repeat of the one between Britt and Mercedes.

And then Kurt hits Matt, and Matt is actually pretty cool about it, he just closes his eyes for the three second peck and it's done.

It's at the point when Matt and Santana start making out heavily that Rachel begins to wonder when it's going be Finn's turn because Santana's got to go twice now and the bottle hasn't even landed on him yet.

So of course when Santana spins the bottle it hits Finn.

Rachel's eyes shoot towards Finn and watch him alertly as his face glows red with embarrassment.

That green monster jealousy spreads its wing and blows fire in her as Santana straddles Finn's lap, puts her hands around his neck, and spreads his lips apart with her tongue. Finn's hands awkwardly flatten on the sides of Santana's waist as Santana seems to try eat Finn's lips for dinner. Rachel's hands ball up in little fists, but she can't look away, it's like being mesmerized by a car crash or a burning building.

Matt lets out a crude, "Yeeaa-yuhhhh" and the rest of the group laugh loudly until Finn finally pushes Santana off him.

"Mmmm," Santana smiles lewdly, "Why haven't we ever done that before?" she asks Finn, who's wiping her spit off his mouth.

Quinn clears her throat loudly and Santana looks over her shoulder.

"Oh yeah," Santana responds, not missing a beat with her usual careless bitchiness.

Rachel doesn't know why it was so painful to watch that, but she thinks maybe she isn't as 'over' Finn as she's been trying to tell herself she is.

And then Finn spins the bottle, and it's like Rachel knows what's going to happen before it stops.

She takes a steadying breath as she looks at the mouth of the bottle pointing directly at her. She's not sure if the room is actually silent or if her ears have just stopped working. This is exactly what she was afraid of.

Finn gets up on his feet, and slowly walks over to Rachel. As he sits down though, Quinn gives a sudden sob and runs up the stairs and into the main part of the house.

"Shit," Finn curses, running his hands through his hair guiltily, looking at the door at the top of the stairs that just slammed shut.

"Dude," Puck says, getting up to follow Quinn but turning to Finn before he walks out, "That was fucked up man," he looks at the small distance between Finn and Rachel, "Don't do anything stupid while I go find her."

Rachel's not sure who he's specifying that to.

"Let's just get this over with," she mutters, stretching her neck towards him to show him that she's ready.

She closes her eyes and conjures up an image of the football coach and his greasy, blotchy red skin and fat bulges to thoroughly turn herself off. But then Finn's wonderfully soft lips are pressing against hers in the most gentle kiss imaginable, and despite her reservations, her lips move to reciprocate. He opens his mouth and captures her top lip in another, harder kiss, and she no longer feels like she's sitting on the ground in a room full of people, but rather that she's hovering up on top of a rainbow in a vibrant azure sky, muddled in perfection.

Knowing more than three seconds have passed, she forces herself to return to reality and removes her lips from Finn's.

She can feel Finn follow her lips as she tries to break the kiss, knowing his neck is jutting out because he's so reluctant to end the intimate contact.

She opens her eyes slowly, and sees that Finn's are still closed. There's a crease between his eyebrows, and his lips are still open- looking like the kiss was too meaningful to let go of, like he's trying to hold on to the last vestiges of the sensation. She knows this because that's exactly how _she_ feels.

"Whoa," Brittany's voice pierces through the frozen silence. Even the girl with the lowest IQ in the room can see how intense that was, even if it was shorter and less saliva ridden then some of the previous kisses.

"Excuse me," Rachel says suddenly, getting up onto her feet and running to the nearest bathroom before the entire group can see the tears cleaved on to her eyelashes.

Locking the door, she quickly swipes the tears off her face and runs the water in the sink. She looks at her shaken reflection in the mirror before splashing cold water on her burning face and neck.

Her head is such a jumble of discordant thoughts and emotions, that after drying off her face she sits down on the cold tiled floor and hugs her knees to her body, trying to think clearly. If this night has proven anything to her, it's that she's still in love with Finn. More than anything, she just wants to find Puck, tell him to go after Quinn (since there's obviously something going on there too) so she and Finn can have a real shot. But she doesn't like what Finn does to her, she doesn't like relinquishing control of herself, and putting it entirely in the hands of someone who's demonstrated his unreliability.

_Time can heal anything_, she tells herself, _just give it a few more weeks and you'll get over him. You have to._

...

[Sunday, early morning]

Finn tosses and turns on the Berry's big leather couch. He was stuck with it because no one wanted to share a bed with him cuz he's "too huge" and he'd "steal all the covers with his giganticness" and he didn't fit in any of the sleeping bags. It's actually pretty comfortable though, just a little narrow. But he still can't fall asleep, because his lips are still burning from that kiss earlier. And the knowledge that Rachel is just a staircase and a door away from him, in her pyjamas, all alone in her big bed, is making him a little.. tight _down there_.

He lifts his head and looks around the big, dark house. Everyone's either upstairs or in the basement, and peacefully sleeping off all the alcohol they drank. Quietly, he slips his hands in his boxers and imagines Rachel, in some hot little sleeping outfit, as he leans back and gently starts stroking.

A couple minutes later he's holding back grunts when a loud creak comes from the staircase. He gets scared shitless and jumps, falling off the couch in the process and hitting his funny bone on the coffee table.

"Shit!" he mutters, as he rubs his elbow and a blinding white light hits his eyes.

"Finn?" he hears Rachel's voice ask, and he gets on his feet (glad that his injury settled down the previous _extremely_ excited Finn jr.)

"What were you doing?" she asks slowly, as he squints while his eyes adjust to the light.

"Nothing," he answers quickly, "Just trying to fall asleep. And then I heard something and it scared me. It's dark okay? A lot of horror movies start out with like, blizzards and shit like this."

Rachel lets out a giggle before apologizing, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just couldn't fall asleep so I decided to come down for some soy milk."

Finn can't help but nod dumbly, because he can see clearly now, and he likes what he's seeing _a lot_. Rachel's dressed in a tiny white tank top that doesn't leave much to imagination and matching pink short shorts that are hanging very low on her hips. A few of inches of flat, tan, smooth stomach are peeking through, and he's forgotten how to breathe. His eyes make their way back up the visible outline of her small, but naturally perfect breasts, and he licks his dry lips unconsciously.

"Finn?" he hears the echo of Rachel's voice through the fog in his brain.

He shakes his head firmly as he brings his gaze back up to her eyes.

"Sorry what?" he asks stupidly.

"I asked if you wanted any milk too..." she raises an eyebrow in confusion at his being even slower than usual.

"Oh um, yeah, totally," he answers, feeling like the biggest drooling idiot in the entire world. But then he catches her staring at his bicep as he scratches his head, and he thinks maybe he's not the only who's got it bad. He's just the only one who isn't lying about it to himself.

But he's not gonna try anything yet, he doesn't want to risk their friendship until he's sure that whatever he decides to pull off can win her over for good.

Pulling up a stool next to the big marble island in the middle of the kitchen, he watches Rachel prepare the two mugs of soy milk attentively.

Every time she moves, he thinks it looks like a poetic dance or something, cuz her movements are so smooth and delicate, yet there's this powerful strength to them at the same time. It reminds him of an animal channel special on gazelles he saw once.

"Do you want me to microwave yours?" she asks, turning to look at him over her shoulder, "It's surprisingly delicious, and the heat will very likely help spur on the sleep that's been eluding you."

"Sure," he answers.

She pops open the microwave and places each mug in it carefully, before pressing a few buttons. As she waits for them to heat up she begins cleaning the counter with a dishtowel. She starts humming a tune he recognizes, and then begins singing softly.

"_And if the snow buries my,_

_my neighbourhood._

_And if my parents are crying_

_then I'll dig a tunnel_

_from my window to yours,_

_yeah a tunnel from my window to yours."_

He knows this song. So he jumps in-

"_You climb out the chimney_

_and meet me in the middle,_

_the middle of the town."_

She turns around and gives him one of her million dollar smiles that animate her whole face before taking the next verse, the dishtowel forgotten as she leans towards him over the other side of the kitchen island, unknowingly defining the top curves of her boobs.

"_And since there's no one else around,_

_we let our hair grow long_

_and forget all we used to know,_

_then our skin gets thicker_

_from living out in the snow."_

He starts singing the chorus lightly, but while looking at her intently.

"_You change all the lead_

_sleepin' in my head to gold,_

_as the day grows dim,_

_I hear you sing a golden hymn,_

_the song I've been trying to sing."_

He skips to the last part, cuz he can't remember the other lyrics.

"_Purify the colours, purify my mind."_

She joins him softly, and their voices blend together effortlessly.

"_Purify the colours, purify my mind,_

_and spread the ashes of the colours_

_Over this heart of mine.."_

...

"You listen to Arcade Fire?" Finn asks once they've finished.

"Finn, I want to make a career out of music," she informs him, "That requires a certain caliber of musical education. I'm sure my itunes library is twice the size of the entire football team's put together."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," he answers, smiling at her goofily.

They smile at eachother for awhile, before she remembers the milk, long since ready to be drunk. She turns back around to fetch them, marveling at the fact that she didn't even register the loud beeping noise that was supposed to notify her of the microwave's completion, because she was so engrossed in Finn's singing.

She hands a mug to Finn and takes a seat next to him. She takes a dainty sip while Finn downs half his drink in one gulp.

It's times like these where she realizes just how different they really are. Opposites even.

"You know, our friendship is kind of odd," she pipes up, voicing her thoughts.

He looks at her, confused.

"I mean, we're such opposites you know?" she elaborates.

He thinks about this a little, and then quirks that little angelic smile of his, with the sides curling up just so.

"But opposites attract right?" he says teasingly.

She slaps him playfully on the chest.

"Think about it though," she goes on, "Theoretically speaking we shouldn't be able to stand each other. You're quiet and I'm loud, you just want to blend while I like to stand out, you're passive and I'm assertive-"

"I'm big you're little," he throws in, a little proud that he can keep up with her.

Rachel feels a smile creep up, "Yeah," she says.

A hazy light has begun to infiltrate the downstairs, and when Rachel looks outside she sees the early morning sun is shining brightly, while the snow piled up around the house is already beginning to diminish.

"Looks like the snow's melting," she says, turning back to Finn.

He's not looking out the window, but straight at her.

"Yeah," he answers, "Looks like it is."

...

_A/N:_

_I forgot to write that the song used in Chapter 21 was A Fine Frenzy's Almost Lover! Although a lot of you already knew that :)_

_The one used in this chapter is Arcade Fire's 'Neighborhoods #1 (Tunnels)'._

_Also someone asked how long I'm planning this story to be, and the answer to that is: probably around 45 chapters. I know, it's a monster! But I love long fics (& there aren't enough Finchel sagas out there) and I hope you guys do too :)_


	26. wavering

Chapter 25. (mid March)

_A/N:_

_I am so so so sorry that it has taken me a lifetime and a half to update. I recently got a job and seriously haven't been able to find a spare moment. Unfortunately, I don't see how I'm going to be able to post new chapters as frequently as I used to. But I'm going to try my best to not let any more month long hiatuses occur, but I can't make any promises :/ I DO promise to finish this story though, no matter how long it takes!_

_And this is kind of an underwhelming update after such a long wait as well :/ it's a filler chapter. But the following couple are going to pretty awesome if I do say so myself (lots of tension!) and it all leads up to the climactic reunion of our favorite couple! So yeah, sit tight- I will try to get these out as soon as possible!_

...

[Monday, morning]

Finn is zoning out in class while Ms. Anderson drones on and on about photometers and the brightness of stars or something like that. He glances at Rachel and sees her eyes are shining as brightly as the stars their teacher's talking about. Damn that girl loves her metaphors.

His mind wanders off to a scene he's been revisiting a lot lately- that crazy night at Rachel's during the blizzard. He'd thought there'd be some repercussions to that night, considering how obvious he'd thought it'd been that there were some strong feelings between not only him and Rachel, but Puck and Quinn too. But everyone had been so embarrassed at at least one point that night, that the whole group had just acted like it had never happened.

He's now more convinced then ever though, that he and Rachel need to give dating a real shot. He knows there's something really special between them, that it's not just some run of the mill high school crush.

But he also knows he needs to do this right this time, no more bad poems or food gifts or singing apologies. Which is why he has to come up with a plan to get some alone time for him and Rachel, some _romantic_ alone time that will make Rachel realize that _he's_ the guy for her.

Just then part of Ms. Anderson's lecture breaks into his spacing out:

"I will be assigning your partners for the big Spring project tomorrow. As you all should know by now, there's a very special meteor shower that's supposed to be visible this weekend. For your project you and your partner will be creating a five minute video in which you will detail the history and scientific explanation of meteor showers in a fun and interesting presentation. For those of you who need extra credit, any groups who physically spend the night out under the stars and write down every observation about their experience will get 10 extra credit points."

Finn's eyes bulge excitedly. A whole night sleeping under the stars?

Bingo.

Now he just needs to figure out a way to make sure he and Rachel are partners.

...

[Monday, evening]

Rachel smiles and clears her throat at the assembled musical cast.

"Alright great practice everyone! Make sure you have your lines memorized for the first confrontation scene between the Sharks and the Jets, because that's what we'll be going over on Thursday."

Everyone nods and goes to collect their things. While she gathers her own belongings on the front and center seat of the audience seats, a small 'ahem' takes her surprise.

Turning around, she's a little bit stunned to find Kurt standing behind her, gripping his messenger bag tightly, as if he's unsure about what he's doing. Most of the others have already cleared off the stage by now.

"It physically pains me to admit this," he starts, his voice hesitant, "But you're doing a great job running this thing Rachel. Granted the characters I'm playing, Anybodys and Doc, don't really have as many solos as I would like, but still. And with your newfound popularity, and the help of the Cheerios and football players, we might actually have a shot at upping our cred at this school after this. So I just wanted to say thank you, for working your hardest to make this production as fabulous as possible."

Rachel looks at Kurt dubiously, as if she's waiting for the bitingly sarcastic last remark. But there is none.

"Thank you Kurt, I appreciate that," she replies, her smile large and genuine.

He gives her a reluctant smile in return before turning around to leave.

"But just so you know," Rachel calls out softly behind him, "Popularity's not all that it's cracked up to be."

Kurt stops in his tracks and looks over his shoulder, eyebrow raised in question.

"Take it from someone who wished for popularity with all her might, and then became severely disappointed by it," she explains.

Kurt turns around to fully face her, "But you eat at the 'in' table at lunch now, you aren't slushied anymore. I'd give anything for that."

Rachel smiles sadly, "Well, that's the thing isn't it, it's meant to look good from the outside."

Kurt still doesn't appear convinced, so Rachel elaborates.

"That whole world.. it's like a christmas bauble. Shiny and alluring from the outside, but empty on the inside. They exist only to have others envy them, everything they do is meant to incite jealousy and a wish for inclusion from the excluded. What they fear more than anything is that one day people will reveal them for the fakes they really are. And yeah, the cool kids are nice to me when I'm with Puck, because I think they're a little bit of afraid of him, with good reason. But when it's just me, some of them are still just as cruel. Santana shoved me so hard in the hallway the other day, that I still have a bruise on my shoulder. And the pornographic pictures on the bathroom stalls haven't disappeared either. It's all just really superficial. No one actually likes me for who I really am, so I've found myself restricting my full personality around these people, which isn't fun. I guess I'm tyring to accept the fact that I'm not normal- and that that will always be my curse, and what ostracizes me from the rest of the world- so I'm trying to hold myself back a little bit more to make myself more approachable and relatable."

"Look," Kurt says in reply, "I'm not going to deny that I find you impossibly annoying, selfish, and controlling. But never apologize for being the outrageous person who you are. We both know that we're the two most talented people at this school, who also happen to have the two biggest personalities. Being different just means standing out, and at the end of the day, that's what's going to get us both out of this cow town. All those neanderthals that will be cleaning our septic tank in three years. Deep down they recognize that we're brave enough to actually make it, and they're not, so they manifest that lack of self esteem through bringing us down while they still can."

Rachel smiles tearily at his wise words, "Thanks Kurt."

Kurt raises his nose aristocratically as he begins to walk away, "Don't get used to it."

She bites her lip as she walks out to lock the auditorium doors. Life can be so strange sometimes. She always thought the old adage: 'be careful what you wish for', didn't apply to her, as she was far more intelligent and logical than the average homo sapien. But the whole world of popularity really has disillusioned her. And not only that, but it's made her question her dreams a little bit. What if fame and celebrity is just as disappointing? What would she have then? Nothing.

She tries to sift through her recent memory to find the moments when she was truly happy as she walks down the empty hallway and out into the parking lot. Well, if anything, the feeling she gets when singing her heart out, especially when in front of an audience, reliably sends her endorphins rushing. But other than that, there are only a handful of moments that she can recall being totally 100% full of happiness. And almost all of those included Finn.

Rachel gets into her car and sits in the driver's seat for a little bit, too busy thinking to begin driving.

Something was off with Finn in rehearsal today, he seemed distracted the whole time. In fact, ever since the blizzard, Rachel's noticed that he never seems fully present, like his mind is somewhere else.

She wonders if he's been as pre-occupied with thoughts on their complicated 'friendship' as she has. She's been distant with Puck lately too, and he's let her be. She assumes this is because he still feels guilty about that kiss with Quinn.

Rachel chews on a fingernail absentmindedly, a habit she overcame as a child, but still reverts to in times of extreme stress.

If Finn makes her so happy, why is she with Puck?

Because Finn also makes her so heartbroken, she answers herself.

But he's been more or less chasing her for months now. Hasn't that proved to her that maybe he's ready for a real, mature relationship? And if that spin-the-bottle kiss between them proved anything, it was that neither of them were even close to getting over the other.

But she's scared of opening herself up to the one person who can affect her so powerfully. Wouldn't it cheapen her own self worth to give so much of herself to a guy? Because it's inevitable, that if she and Finn did get together, that the entire paradigm of her world would shift to revolve around him, rather than her goals. She can't trust herself to be sane when it comes to Finn.

She's so uncertain, she doesn't know what to do.

When did she become so cautious?

_Since a certain 6 foot 3 quarterback stole your heart and trampled on it_, a little voice in her head replies.

Something's seriously wrong with her, why can't her own mind just let her be, let her forget Finn. Why must she desire (with such ardor) the one thing she knows would be so bad for her? The one thing that makes her even crazier than she already is?

Rachel sighs as she puts her car key into the ignition and twists. She knows she'll be in her car for years if she waits for the answer to that question to just come to her.

...

[Tuesday, morning]

He takes a breath and grits his death. J_ust pretend you're Puck_, he tells himself. And with that he's ready to flirt with his 40 year old Astronomy teacher to get what he wants.

Putting his hand on the doorknob resolutely, he pushes the door open and walks in quasi-confidently.

Ms. Anderson's grading papers at her desk. When she hears someone come in, she looks up, and when she sees its him, she smiles way too happily.

"To what do I owe this welcome visit Finn?" she asks, as he makes his way over to her desk.

"Hey Ms. A, I was just wondering if you've already assigned our partners for the big Spring meteoroid project?"

"Why I'm actually working on that right now Finn, why do you ask?"

"Well, I'm really um.. _passionate_, about astronomy, and I want a partner who gets just as _excited_ about the stars, as I do. So I was wondering if maybe I could just put in a tiny little request? To be partnered with Rachel Berry?"

He cocks an eyebrow and gives her one of his half-smiles that always seem to drive the girls wild. He watches as Ms. Anderson licks her lips absently.

"I don't normally give favor to students," she replies, batting her eyelashes comically, "But I might be able to make an exception for the quarterback."

Her eyes wander to his arms, and she puts a hand on his bicep slowly.

He's grossed out beyond words right now, but he pretends not to be and smiles crookedly again.

"Erm..," he answers, "So you'll pair me up with Rachel Berry?"

She squeezes his bicep and pats it before nodding.

"Of course Finn," she answers breathlessly.

He laughs awkwardly before thanking her, and then practically running out of her office as fast he can.

...

He pretends to be surprised two hours later when Ms. _ announces their partners the next day at school (and also pretends not to be fighting the urge to gag when she winks at him). Rachel looks equally stunned, and he hopes she isn't suspicious.

But she isn't. After class, she approaches him and launches off on the many ideas she has for the project as they walk out into the hallway.

"Yeah that all sounds great," he interrupts as she stops for air, "And I know you already have the highest grade in the class," he says, "But I was hoping that you wouldn't mind doing the extra credit part too."

Rachel nods vigorously as they stop by his locker so he can switch his books.

"Of course not," she replies briskly, "I'm never one to deny the opportunity of providing my grade an extra safety cushion. The only problem is, I did some research online, and even though Lima's had a nice warm spell after the blizzard," she pauses a little to try to forget the heavy connotations that have become attached to that word, "It's still going to be pretty chilly. And to get optimal visibility conditions, we're going to have to be somewhere that's pretty isolated from the lights of civilization, which therefor means we'd have no access to heat if the cold became unbearable. And I'm not sure I want to risk hypothermia for ten extra credit points."

"Well," Finn grins widely, "I actually have the perfect solution."

"Oh?" Rachel questions, nudging him on to continue.

"The meteor shower's supposed to be viewed the best from the southernmost states right?" he asks, and Rachel nods in confirmation, "My grandparents have a farm down in South Carolina, it'd be the perfect place to go, cuz it's way warmer down there too. And they have this really great barn that we could skywatch from and a telescope and everything!"

Rachel bites her lip as she weighs the pros and cons of Finn's solution.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea Finn. It's a long drive down to South Carolina, and I don't think my fathers, or Puck for that matter, would be comfortable with me spending the night with you in a completely different state."

"We wouldn't be alone, we'd be with my grandparents," he gives her that pleading, dopy puppy dog look he uses sometimes, "Come on Rach, how many times are we gonna be able to see something like this? This is like, a really rare meteor shower right? And my grandparents literally live out in the middle of nowhere, and we're from Lima and I'm saying that, so that should give you an idea. It's really gonna be like, the best place ever to see all those shooting stars. And don't you think being surrounded by all those shooting stars will inspire you?"

"They're comets Finn, not stars," Rachel corrects, "If they were stars our entire planet would be instantly incinerated."

But she's weakening, he can tell.

"Please?" he begs.

Rachel purses her lips, "Fine, if I can get permission from my parents, we can go to South Carolina."

Finn tries to control his smile of triumph as she walks away to hurry to her next class. As soon as she turns the corner, he fist pumps the air in excitement. Finally things are working out.

...


	27. perfect fit

Chapter 26. (Mid March)

...

"**highway run, into the midnight sun."**

...

[Friday, afternoon]

Rachel twists her fingers in her hands nervously as she watches Lima disappear in the passenger-side-view mirror. She can't believe she agreed to this. This was not a good idea. Not a good idea at all.

"So how long does it take to get there again?" she asks.

Finn takes his eyes off the road to give her a brief grin.

"Around 8 or 9 hours," he answers.

She looks at the clock. Great. Best case scenario, they still have 7 hours and 41 minutes to go.

"Wanna play a game?" he asks.

"Yes!" Rachel says excitedly, glad for something to help pass the time, "How about the alphabet game?" she scans the upcoming rest stop sign before he can respond, "Arco! Bank! Call! Denny's!" she cries, her competitive nature kicking in high gear.

"Hey!" Finn shouts, "No fair!"

But she's on a roll and she's not going to let him distract her- "Exit! Freeway!"

She glances over at him after making sure there are no words beginning with 'G' in the near vicinity, and sees a small smirk tug the corner of his mouth.

"Fine," he says, "I can win this even with you cheating... Altima!"

"Rachel Berry is no cheater," she replies, offended, "Don't blame me for your own delayed reactions."

Finn laughs before calling out "Bridge!"

She laughs a little bit too. And suddenly, it isn't uncomfortable anymore.

...

Three hours later, they've gone through the alphabet game three times (Finn: 1, Rachel: 2). He'd never admit this, but he let her win the third time, cuz he knows winning means more to her than it does to him. And he wants her in a good for mood this trip.

"Alright, new game," he pipes up suddenly (the rural scenery making the alphabet game pretty much impossible to play at this point).

"License plate game!" Rachel says enthusiastically, before slapping his arm, "New Hampshire!"

"Ow!" he says, rubbing his shoulder (for such a tiny thing she can sure pack a punch), "What was that for?"

"The license plate game!" she replies innocently, "When you see a car with a license plate from another state you're allowed to hit a person in the car."

"I don't like that one," he grumbles.

Rachel giggles, "Okay, well, I'm not sure I know of anymore games to play on the road."

"How 'bout twenty questions?" he asks.

"Oh I can't believe I forgot that one! Let's do it!" she replies, "Animal, vegetable or mineral?"

He laughs, "No not that twenty questions, the twenty questions where we just ask random questions about each other like 'what's your favorite color?' or 'boxers or briefs?', to learn more about each other's personalities and stuff."

"Oh okay," Rachel shrugs her shoulders, "Do you want to start?"

"Sure," he answers, "Um... what's going on with you and Puck?"

So that's not the most regular 'twenty questions' question, but he figures she's never played before so she won't know the difference.

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on with us, well, I mean, obviously some stuff is, because we're dating-"

"Ahh TMI TMI!" he interrupts childishly, putting his hands over his ears.

"Well _you_ were the one who asked," she says pointedly.

"I just meant like," he explains, "I never see you two with each other anymore, after the whole blizzard thing. And we're not really good friends anymore so it's not like I could ask him why things seemed to be different between you two."

"I didn't know you guys stopped being good friends," Rachel says, avoiding the question.

"Well, I made it pretty obvious how into you I was after you two got together, and that kinda put a damper on our whole friendship. Plus the fact that I kinda can't even stand being around him without wanting to punch him cuz he stole my girl."

Rachel opens her mouth, and he knows she's gonna say something about not belonging to him, so tries to make up for it quickly.

"Not that you were ever really my girl," he rambles on, "but I liked you so much that I kinda thought of you as mine, not that I thought of you as like, a possession or anything, just in the way that two people can belong to each other when they're, you know, _together_."

He's such a buttmunch. Always stumbling over his words and making a fool out of himself. He feels his cheeks redden and looks out to a corn field on his left.

"You used the past tense," Rachel says softly.

"What?" he asks, totally confused.

"You said 'liked' instead of 'like'..." she explains, her voice oddly vulnerable, "Does that mean you're finally over me?"

He takes a second to think before he speaks this time. Fuck no. Of course he's still head over heels for her. Why would she think otherwise? But then he remembers how distant he's been lately. How he's tried to cool off the chase to prepare something really spectacular. The hush before the storm if you will.

He decides to respond with a risky question in return.

"Do you want me to be?" he says, his voice so low that it cracks a little.

He turns his head to analyze her reaction. Her eyes widen as she stares back, and everything seems to crystallize around him in this pivotal moment. Her mouth opens and...

A loud honk makes them both jump in their seats, and Finn swerves back into his own lane just in time.

"Oh my god, oh my god," Rachel says, her hand covering her mouth in shock, "I just had a near death experience. I swear I just saw my life flash before my eyes."

Finn laughs, "Luckily my reactions aren't _too_ delayed," he teases.

"This is not funny Finn, safety on the road is not a laughing matter. Do you know how many people die in automobile accidents each year?"

He purses his lips together to contain the laughter.

It's only a few minutes later, when Rachel's about halfway through her lecture on paying attention to the road and being a defensive driver, that he realizes that that honk came at a really inopportune time. He's so close to a breakthrough, he can feel it.

Time to initiate phase A of his plan.

...

"Let's listen to some music," Finn interrupts her informative oration (just when she's getting to the really potent part about the tragedies of paralysis and comas too).

"Were you even listening to me?" she asks.

"Course I was," he lies.

"Finn, I know you well enough to know when you're lying," she tells him exasperatedly, "Am I honestly that insufferable and monotonous? Noah does this all the time, he thinks I can't tell when his eyes are all glazed over and his mind is on Grand Theft Auto or whatever video game trash you boys deteriorate your minds with."

"Well that's really lame because you're like the opposite of monononous-" Finn answers.

"MonoTonous," she corrects.

"Yeah, monotonous," he continues, "I just got this new cd though and I'm kinda excited about it, you might like it. It's kinda country meets folk, not classic rock," he jokes.

She sighs, mollified, "Okay, my ears are open."

Finn finds the cd and puts it in the stereo system of the truck (the only new part of a vehicle that's otherwise ancient).

"And just for the record," he adds as an afterthought, before pressing play, "If we were dating, I'd never think about Grand Theft Auto while you talked. You're way more interesting."

She feels a blush creep up from her neck. Why does it feel as if they're driving towards her doom?

When he asked her if she wanted him to be over her, she was thisclose to saying "No, never." But it was just that stupid hypnotic spell he casts over her with his gaze, and the potential car accident that followed was like a warning from God- "Beware of your feelings for Finn Hudson: he will only lead you to catastrophe."

She shakes the ominous thought from her head and turns to look at Finn.

He pushes a button and loud drum beats and guitar strings fill the small space. Then he rolls down his window, and she watches as the wind starts blowing through his shaggy dark russet hair (he says he needs a haircut but she likes it like this).

The sun's beginning to set and the golden orange rays are making his brown freckles particularly pronounced, and his entire face glows. He looks so picture perfect, in his white shirt and blue jeans, driving his charmingly old truck. She's never been on such a quintessential road trip, with such a quintessential (and handsome) midwestern guy. She almost feels as if the scene she's watching should be in a movie or something.

"So whadya think?" his voice cracks through her idle daydream.

Oh, the song must be over.

"Um.. it was pretty good," she answers, hoping she can lie more convincingly then he can. The truth is, she doesn't even remember hearing it she was so caught up in his sureally hunky image.

He frowns slightly, "Well you'll like the next one," he says, "It's about New York."

This time Rachel does pay attention, and surprisingly, she finds she does like the album. It's quirky country/alternative, and definitely creative and original. There are a couple ballads she finds quite sad in their stripped, raw simplicity.

It's not until the 10th track though, that Finn starts singing along, his earnest voice further throwing her into turmoil.

...

So this is the part where he serenades her in a sneaky way. Aka: Phase A.

"_I used up your compassion_

_So I've come to make a trade_

_You can hate me but just love me in return_

_If I know where to find you_

_I'll stay out of your way_

_I won't come beg to borrow _

_All the happiness you've earned_

_/_

_I'll just slide back down to the bottom_

_While you make your place in the hills_

_There's nothing that the road cannot heal_

_There's nothing that the road cannot heal_

_Washed beneath the blacktop_

_Gone beneath my wheels_

_There's nothing that the road cannot heal_

_Woo!"_

He's smiling as he sings, there's something about the open road that's so freeing, and everything- the scenery, the girl sitting next to him, the brilliant colors the setting sun is painting the wide open sky with- is filling him with honest to god joy.

"_They say the sun won't burn forever_

_That's a science too exact_

_I can prove it, watch, we're crossing the state line_

_See those headlights coming towards us?_

_That's someone going back_

_To a town they said they'd never, yeah_

_They swore it on their lives"_

He looks at Rachel meaningfully while he sings trying to get through to her.

"_You can't break out of a circle_

_That you never knew you were in_

_And there's nothing that the road cannot heal_

_Nothing that the road cannot heal_

_Washed under the blacktop_

_Gone beneath my wheels_

_There's nothing that the road cannot heal"_

He hopes Rachel's listening to the lyrics. He wants the road to heal them.

"_Some will spend their precious time_

_Trying to decorate their lives_

_Taking measurements for some new look they want_

_So from 1-10, 10's exactly what I am_

_0 being everything I'm not_

_Tell me what you like_

_Is it less than 5?_

_Is it less than 5?"_

He stops singing, getting lost in thought. He glances at Rachel quickly, and sees her watching him closely, and he quickly gets his eyes back on the road before he gets lost in her eyes and gets them into an accident.

But he needs to know, is he what she wants? Not what she thinks she wants, but what she truly, deeply, from the bottom of her heart wants. He thinks so. She can't deny that there's always been this... _thing_ between them, some kind of magnetic indescribable electricity, that refuses to burn out.

He looks at her again. Her eyes get big, and he grins, trying to lighten the mood a bit, and then somehow, this makes her pissed.

"Finn Hudson," she says reproachfully, "Was this some elaborate scheme to win me back with your musical prowess and irresistible lopsided smile? Because if it was, you should know that my self control is immutable and therefor none of your tricks will work."

His mouth opens and gapes like a fish. Well when she puts it like that it sounds so dishonest...

But she did just sorta admit to finding his voice and smile charming. So he smiles again in spite of himself.

Rachel humphs and turns her body away from him.

"I'm taking a nap," she tells him sulkily, "Wake me up when we arrive."

...

She can't fall asleep. Her mind is whirling with these stupid feelings she still harbors for Finn that just refuse to die. No matter how hard she tries to murder them. Nothing works. Is she denying the inevitable? She keeps waiting to feel something for Noah that resembles even in the tiniest inkling what she feels for Finn, and it simply hasn't come.

She subtly takes her phone out of her jacket pocket and sets up a new text to Noah.

**Rachel: When I get back, we need to talk.**

She presses the send button, only to be met with the 'no service' notification. Looking around, all she can see are cows and fields. She groans inwardly, before stuffing her phone back in her pocket. She tries to get some rest. She's going to need it if she and Finn are going to stay up half the night to observe this meteor shower.

She turns around and opens her eyelids halfway to sneak a look at Finn.

He looks worried, there's a small crease between his eyebrows, and the edges of his lips are turned down slightly.

She probably shouldn't have gotten so angry at him, and if her stubborness insists she continue to give him the silent treatment, they're going to be in for a long trip.

Why does he have to be so gosh darn cute? Her life would be so much easier if he was unattractive. The strangest part is though, the more she gets to know him, the more handsome and good-looking she considers him. Before she knew he could sing, he was just another hot jock. And then from the moment she heard his voice to know, his raw compelling character has been amplifying so much at such a steady rate, that she thinks now that he might actually be the most attractive man on the planet. How is she supposed resist that?

She sighs dramatically and then turns around again, squeezing her eyes shut.

...

The truck wobbles a little as Finn pulls it up the gravelly driveway on his grandparents' property. Rachel's fast asleep next to him, her mouth slightly open, her long eyelashes casting dark shadows on her perfect skin.

After parking the car in front of the historic farmhouse, he nudges Rachel gently on the shoulder.

"Mmmm," she mumbles in her sleep, swatting his hand away.

"Rachel," he whispers loudly, "We're here!"

Her eyelids flutter open and she looks disoriented for a second.

"Huh?" she asks.

He laughs, "We're at my grandparents' place Rach, come on, they're expecting us."

She nods vaguely, before stretching her arms out.

"Should we bring our stuff in?" she asks.

"No, the barn's a half-mile down, so we're gonna drive there after we spend some time in the house and get the telescope and everything," he explains.

"Mmmk," she says, still half-asleep.

He grins at her, before getting out of the car and hurrying to her side to open the door for her.

"Thanks," she says, as she accepts his hand to help her out of the truck.

There's a slightly apologetic smile on her face, and he thinks he's been forgiven for earlier.

His grandma Ethel opens the door to the house before they're even on the porch.

"Finnegan!" she calls, opening her arms for a hug.

He bounds up the steps and scoops her up in giant bear hug.

"Grams!" he says with equal enthusiasm.

The elderly woman squeals with laughter, and his grandpa Joe appears in the doorway.

He clears his throat a little, at which point Finn puts his grandma down and says, "Oh, sorry guys, this is my.. friend, Rachel."

His grandma walks over to Rachel and gives her a warm hug, and Rachel shyly returns it.

"Good to see you boy," his grandpa says, patting him gruffly on the back.

Finn smiles widely. He loves his grandparents- they're awesome.

"Well let's not stay out here in the cold," his grandma says, "I have some mugs of home made hot chocolate and freshly baked brownies ready for you two in the kitchen."

And with that she's beckoning them all inside the warm old house.

...

Ethel and Joe are possibly the cutest thing Rachel's ever seen.

They're all sitting in the parlor now (she didn't even know people still had parlors), sipping on their mugs of hot chocolate and munching on baked goods (Ethel was kind of enough to make everything vegan because Finn warned her ahead of time).

Rachel's mostly been sitting quite silently, watching as Finn catches up with his grandparents. He has such a good relationship with them, it kind of makes her envious. Her own dad doesn't speak to his parents because they kicked him out of the house when they found out about his sexual orientation, and her papa's parents died within a year of each other when she was 3. So she's never had what Finn has.

"So, Rachel dear, our Finny boy tells us you have a brilliant voice," Ethel says sweetly, trying to draw Rachel in the conversation.

Rachel refrains herself from agreeing heartily- she doesn't want Finn's grandparents to think she's conceited.

"Oh, well, yes, I do sing," she answers, trying her attempt at modesty.

She catches Finn fighting back a grin to her left.

"That's just lovely," Ethel continues, "You'll have to sing for us next time to you visit."

Rachel smiles gratefully. They're just so warm and welcoming, automatically assuming she'll visit again.

She looks around the comfy room- the leather arm chairs, plush couch, embroidered decorations, wooden picture frames, and the rocking chair Ethel's sitting on- yes, she thinks she'd like to come back here.

"Another brownie dear?" Ethel offers, holding up the tray to her.

"Oh no thank you," Rachel replies, "They were delicious, but if I have another I just know I'll have a stomachache tonight."

Ethel smiles and pats Rachel's knee, "Alright honey if you're sure."

Rachel looks at Ethel's small hand on her knee, and gives a small gasp at the stunning engagement ring on her left finger.

"Oh wow, that's an absolutely gorgeous ring!" she exclaims.

It's like no piece of jewelry Rachel's ever seen. It looks like something from another era; a diamond encrusted band set off by the biggest, brightest green emerald she's ever seen in real life. She assesses that it has to be well over 5 carats. It looks oddly juxtaposed on Finn's grandmother's tiny, withered finger.

"It's an antique," the elderly woman informs her, holding it out to catch the firelight, "It was given to Joe's grandmother by his grandfather during the roaring twenties," she says nostalgically, her eyes far off in the distance, "There have been a couple of times in the past we've considered selling it, considering it's monetary value and the hardship that's fallen on this family but," she looks at her husband and smiles at him lovingly, "It's too much of a family treasure to do that. Besides, it's symbolic of love, and there's nothing worth more in the world than love."

Rachel thinks about this for a second. She thinks that the wise old woman might be right, nothing feels better than love. Not even the spotlight.

"And of course," Ethel continues on a lighter note, "We had to save it for the girl our Finny boy eventually decides to spend the rest of his life with."

...

"Graaan," Finn drawls out bashfully. His grandparents are so old-fashioned.

But he does notice that Rachel's eyes are sparkling. He grins at her, and she leans over to him.

"Did you know that emeralds are the rarest precious stone on earth," Rachel tells him, back to being mesmerized by the huge, shining, green gem, "even more rare than diamonds, the diamond industry is just better regulated.."

Finn can't help but laugh at the fact that Rachel rambles even when she's in awe.

"Well," Joe offers amusedly, "We Hudsons have an affinity for rare gems." He winks obviously at Finn.

Rachel blushes.

"Why don't you try it on," his grandma nudges Finn encouragingly, placing Rachel's hand in his lap, "Go on," she says, "Put it on her."

Rachel suddenly looks embarrassed and politely declines. But Finn's already slipping the ring off his gran's finger and is now reaching to grab Rachel's left hand.

She gives it to him reluctantly, obviously scared to put on such a treasure. He can feel that she's trembling. So he rubs his thumb in a soothing circular motion against her knuckles, and suddenly, it's just them two in the room, in the world.

Ever so slowly, he slides the antique ring along Rachel's little ring finger. He holds his breath as it glides along her soft skin, finally settling comfortably at the end.

"A perfect fit," he whispers, hardly believing it. He doesn't let go of her hand.

Rachel looks up from her hand and into his eyes. The flickering light from the fire is casting molten shadows on her face, and she seems flushed. A silent warmth settles around him as he lets himself fall into her eyes- he muses that they look black in the lighting, and he thinks that's really cool.

"My what a strange coincidence," his grams says, and Rachel jerks her hand out of his suddenly, as if just realizing that there are other people in the room.

"You sure fate ain't givin' you a sign son?" his grandpa asks in a laughing voice.

Finn pretends to laugh it off, but secretly he thinks his gramps is on to something. Personally, he's officially positive that the entire universe wants him and Rachel to just get together already.

"Alright," he says, slapping his hands on his knees as Rachel takes the ring off and gives it back to his grandma, "We should probably start heading over to the barn."

Time for Phase B.

…

_A/N:_

_The album they listen to in the car is Conor Oberst's- eponymous album 'Conor Oberst', and the song is 'Moab'._


	28. no regrets

Chapter 27.

...

"**for a smile they can share the night."**

...

Truth be told, he hasn't really gotten as far as Phase B. He just hoped that once he and Rachel were alone, that _thing_ between them would kinda just spread its wings and take flight.

Destination? Finn & Rachel. Together. As a couple.

His hands shake as he carries the telescope and futons up to the top level of the barn. He's nervous as hell. He and Rachel are totally alone. Like, 100%, the closest people are almost a mile away, alone.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Rachel calls from behind him at the bottom of the stairs, "These sleeping bags barely weigh anything, I can take something else!"

"It's fine!" he tells her.

When they reach the second story, he drops the futons on the wooden floor and moves to set up the telescope by the big open window.

"Wow this is so perfect," Rachel says, walking next to him and leaning over the ledge to look out into the night sky.

He smiles at her from his kneeling position on the floor (where he's putting the telescope stand together), and she smiles back.

"I'm really glad you convinced me to do this Finn," she tells him, turning around to lean on the ledge and look at him, "This is definitely going to be one of those experiences you remember for the rest of your life. Sleeping under stars. It's something I can cross off my bucket list!"

"Good," he grins, getting up to place the telescope on the stand, "I don't have one of those, but I've been thinking of making one lately.

"You definitely should," Rachel says solemnly, "I think it's important to live so you won't have any regrets, and a bucket list is an effective way of ensuring you won't."

"Never let anything you want pass you by without reaching out and grabbing it," he agrees, looking at her seriously.

Rachel's teeth dig into her bottom lip as she returns his stare. Impulsively, she thrusts her palm towards him, "Let's make a pact Finn: No regrets."

He chuckles, everything's alway so formal with Rachel, she seems to see life as one big theatre production.

He takes her hand (carefully so as not to crush her tiny fingers) and shakes it, "No regrets," he promises.

The handshake lingers longer than it should. He absently wishes Rachel wasn't wearing gloves.

She pulls her hand away. And he makes a pact _with himself_ to not let this night end with regrets. He doesn't wanna look back and play that 'what if' game. He's just gonna go for it. When the moment's right.

"So shall we get started?" she asks perkily, clapping her hands together.

"Yeah," he answers, "You can go first."

He moves away from the telescope and she walks over to the eyepiece to watch the meteor shower. He hoists himself up on the ledge to sit on it and just watch her, shooting stars forgotten.

Even though Rachel isn't his the way he wants her to be, he's still ridiculously happy. Something about the cool night air, mingled with the miniscule tufts of starlight blanketing the sky, just makes the world make sense for a moment.

He watches her intently as she squints into the telescope.

"It's absolutely stunning- transcendent," Rachel whispers, her voice awed in wonderment, "beyond words in fact," she concludes, still riveted by the star show she's looking at through the telescope lens.

"Yeah," Finn agrees, only he's not talking about the stars in the sky, but the one standing in front of him.

...

The meteor shower truly is a brilliant sight and she's completely dazzled by it. Everything about this trip has turned out so flawlessly. Finn's grandparents couldn't be cuter if they walked out of a postcard, and she and Finn are stargazing in an honest to God barn (that kind of reminds her of the one from _Smallville_). It would be extremely romantic, if she wasn't already dating someone...

She removes her gaze from the eyepiece to see Finn sitting on the ledge.

"Finn! What are you doing?" she exclaims, "That's dangerous!"

He laughs, "No actually, it's prime seating. And if I fall there's a bunch of hay on the ground to break it."

"Please get off, you're worrying me," she pleads.

He sighs and hops off, before resting both of his elbows on the ledge so he can stick his head out into the night and look up. She joins him and mimics his pose.

"There's something spectacular about watching these meteorites with the naked eye too," she notes quietly, "It makes you feel quite small and insignificant."

He nods in agreement, and takes a sideways step towards her so that the bulky sleeves of their jackets squish together. They stand there together for awhile, just basking in the phenomenal view.

"What's your favorite constellation?" she asks after a few minutes.

"Uhh.." Finn stumbles, "The Big Dipper?"

She laughs, "That's an asterism Finn, your grade in Astronomy must be abysmal."

He shrugs in that endearing way of his and offers her a half-smile in response. And she knows she's in deep trouble.

She turns her head up to look back at their private meteor shower show.

The words 'No regrets' echo in her mind.

Something about the massive night sky and the brilliant strokes of fire burning and then dying against the backdrop of the stars is filling her with sorrow. What has she achieved in her 16 years of life? What is she proud of? What happiness has she found? She has everything that she ever thought she wanted, a cute popular boyfriend, acceptance among the 'in crowd', a starring role in one of her favorite musicals of all time... but it's not enough.

Her dreams used to be enough, but they're not anymore. With every day that passes she realizes how impossible superstardom really is, and it scares her. And worse still, looking up into the expansive window to the universe is making her wonder. Even if she did achieve all of her dreams, would even that be enough?

It's like something's been missing her whole life, only she doesn't even know what it is. It reminds her of a passage of Plato she once read.

Before she realizes it, tears are streaming down her face.

"What's wrong?" Finn asks, when he looks over and sees the damp remains of fallen tears on her cheeks.

"Nothing," she replies in a small voice, cursing herself for being so overly emotional.

"Rach," he says, his voice full of concern as he puts a large hand on her shoulder, "You know you can tell me anything right?"

She sighs and relents.

"I just... got swept by the most overwhelming feeling that there's something of extreme importance lacking in my life, and it just reminded me of this ancient philosophy that always makes me sad."

"What's the philosophy?" he asks.

"Well it's more of a myth than a philosophy, started by the Greek philosopher Plato," she explains, in her same shaky, small voice, "Basically Plato thought that, at the beginning of time, when the first human beings were created, they had four arms, four legs, and one head with two faces. But the Gods began to worry, because the power of their hearts were so great. The gods couldn't risk the humans possibly overtaking them in the future. So Zeus decided to split them in two, reducing their power, and condemning them to spend the rest of their lives searching for their other half. Because, you see, they could never really feel complete by themselves, because, well, they weren't, and they'd spend all their years lost without that other part of themselves. And that's where the concept of a soulmate derives from, because if the legend is to be believed, why, we're all just searching for that missing part of our soul aren't we? Only, if there really is only one person in the world for each of us, well the odds of finding him or her are just terrible aren't they?"

Finn frowns.

"And worse still," she continues, her voice barely above a whisper, "What if you do meet that person, but he hurts you so brutally, time and time again, that you feel you can't let yourself be with him if you possess even a sliver of self-respect."

...

He has an inkling she might be talking about him.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" he asks.

She gives him a frightened look, as if she didn't mean to let him hear that last part.

"But that's not the only thing," she says abruptly, ignoring his question, "I'm just concerned over my future too."

He nods and tries to look understanding, even though he's not sure what he's supposed to say.

"I mean, I know I always go on and on about how I want to be this huge star on Broadway, and everything I do in my life is to prepare me for that life, but sometimes.."

He's hanging on to her every word, "Sometimes what?"

Rachel shakes her head, "Nevermind, I'm just being dumb."

He looks at her like she's insane.

"Are you serious? I'm pretty sure you're the farthest thing from dumb I've ever met," he tells her.

She smiles up at him before continuing.

"But sometimes I just second guess myself you know? Obviously I'm extremely talented and self-disciplined and driven, but... what if that's not enough? And if I don't have my future stardom and career to look forward to, what _do_ I have? I mean I don't even know who I am without my singing and ambition."

"I know who you are," he says softly, looking at her straight in the eye.

He can't put it into words exactly, but she's just, Rachel, one of a kind, no other in the world, Rachel.

She flushes prettily at his blunt statement, and changes the subject again, slightly.

"I think that's why the musical is so important to me. Because being apart of something special makes you special right? Maybe I just need to prove to myself once and for all that I truly am special enough to achieve my dreams."

He looks at her seriously, how could she have any doubts about her specialness?

"Rachel can't you see that you_ are _special? Why do you think people at this school are so mean to you? Because you're different and they don't understand that and are scared of that. You don't belong in Lima, hell, you don't belong on this planet, because you're that freaking awesome you know? Gosh I wish you saw yourself the way I do."

Her face flames with curiosity.

"How_ do_ you see me?"

"Well.." he begins to get embarrassed, trying to figure out a way to explain to her how he sees her, when she is so unreally amazing to him, "You're kinda like one of those really pretty elves in the Lord of the Rings movies, like, you're too beautiful and magical and powerful to be human, so that scares the nads out of all the regular people, but they're not scared because there's anything bad about you, you're just the most special of all you know?"

Somehow this makes her cry harder than ever.

"Please stop," he begs, putting both of his hands on the sides of her face to wipe the tears off with his thumbs.

She brings her eyes up to look at him, and he lets his hands linger their caress of her face.

...

His hands feel so good, gently holding her face like that. And they make the tears stop. She's looking at him now, penetratingly, and there's so much in his eyes. She thinks that's why she loves him (yes, when she's honest with herself, she knows she loves him and she never stopped loving him), because of what's behind his eyes, that depth.

What if this whole time, what she's thought has been strength, has only been pride and vanity? She thought her resolve was powerful enough to eliminate her feelings for Finn, but the fact of the matter is, her feelings for Finn are more powerful than anything else.

Yes, he hurt her, repeatedly and almost cruelly. But he's more than proved his repentance and regret.

What if she's been standing in the way of her own happiness this whole time?

...

They just stand there, looking into each other, seeing each other in a way they both know, deep down, no one else ever has and ever will.

And then he gets it. It's like, he finally knows exactly what Mrs. Martin was talking about when she explained what an 'epiphany' was in English class. Because it hits him like a ton of bricks and he just suddenly understands exactly why his emotions get all balled up and scattered and palpable in every fiber of his body, and why he's crazy nervous and excited and happy, making him feel like a bomb (a really good bomb) that's about to explode, every time he's with her.

It's because in that moment, when he looks at her and sees her in all her Rachel Berry glory, he realizes that this is what love is. That love isn't something men made up to get a lot of sex (like Puck has always told him), but that it's actually real. Very very real. Like, the realest thing he could ever imagine experiencing. Because nothing's ever felt realer in his life. This feeling, that the only thing that matters in the entire world is this beautiful creature sitting next to him, that's what love is.

"I love you," he says spontaneously, breaking the silence.

She looks at him in shock, eyes wide and mouth open.

"You don't have to say anything back," he says quickly, "I know you're with Puck and everything, but all that Play-doh stuff you were just going on about, about soul mates just being 2 parts of a whole? It made sense to me, because things feel right with you in a way that I've never felt with anybody... and I just... had to tell you, cuz... 'No regrets' right? And who knows what's gonna happen tomorrow? No one ever knows, so I just wanted you to know."

And then suddenly her face is smack dab in front of his and then her lips are pressing themselves firmly against his. For a second, he's too surprised to move. And then his hand is at the nape of her neck and he's sliding his fingers in her hair as he brings her face closer to his and kisses her back, strongly. Her lips are soft, and welcoming, and her hands are on his chest, and he feels delirious with happiness. She slips her tongue in between his lips and it's warm and moist and sogoddamndivine. The contact sends shivers down his spine and gets him half-hard in a split second.

She breaks the kiss and buries her face into his neck, and whispers, "I love you too. I've always loved you. It's always been you."

…


End file.
